“Sometimes it’s okay to just not make a movie.” ~ Epic Voice Guy, The Jungle Book.
“Enough.” ~ Epic Voice Guy, Internet. (A Wrinkle In Time)
Epic Voice Guy is a character who narrates Screen Junkies Honest Trailers comedy series. He originally appeared on Jon Bailey's YouTube channel as early as 2009 and created specific reviews. He was commonly portrayed by Jon Bailey and he narrated all of these Honest Trailers since The Lord of the Rings. Although that original narrator Gannon Nickell mentioned the character on prior Honest Trailers, such as Paranormal Activity, The Amazing Spider-Man, The Twilight Saga: New Moon and The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. Bailey typically appears in voice form only, however he has appeared on camera as Epic Voice Guy four times: Divergent, Boyhood, Mad Max: Fury Road and Insurgent. Epic Voice Guy is occasionally referred to as "Jon" (for example, in Finding Nemo). However, it is important to differentiate between fictional Jon the Epic Voice Guy character and Jon Bailey the voice actor. This article concerns only the fictional character. All the information below is derived from small snippets of personal information the character occasionally reveals while narrating episodes of Honest Trailers, Honest Game Trailers, and Honest Trailers Anime.
Geek identity Edit
Epic Voice Guy shows a particular interest in kids movies, superhero movies and action movies. Most especially, Epic Voice Guy loves brutal violence. Epic Voice Guy is also an avid gamer and is in deep, deep denial about his World of Warcraft addiction. As a gamer, he is a self-proclaimed completionist with an obsessive need to collect everything and an "animal lust for shiny collectibles." Whenever given moral choices in video games, Epic Voice Guy always chooses to do horrible, horrible things. No truly, he's a monster.
Additionally, Epic Voice Guy is easily obsessed with mobile games such as Candy Crush Saga, and even turns the date back on his device to get more lives ("I think I have a problem"). Despite his utter fixation, he callously refuses to help out any of his Facebook friends with the game. Epic Voice Guy has a tendency to engage in expletive-filled rants directed at other players while gaming. He also threatened to burn down his friend Steven's actual house... and possibly stab someone after an infuriating Mario Party incident involving a star.
Epic Voice Guy calls himself a Potterhead. He is also an avid fan of Star Wars - in the Return of the Jedi Honest Trailer he notes that his personal identity is "tied to a soap opera about space wizards." Epic Voice Guy is also a fan of George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire books, and can be condescending to people who only watch the Game of Thrones TV show. Epic Voice Guy becomes extremely excited by the idea of a Disney Princess Avengers-style team up. He wishes he could bathe in Disney IP. He'd totally watch a crossover movie featuring Doctor Strange's cape and Aladdin's rug. But, let's face it, who wouldn't!?
Epic Voice Guy watches quite a lot of SVU but wishes he could cut back. Additionally, Epic Voice Guy has read the Meg books and thinks the filmmakers should "respect the Meg canon." Epic Voice Guy also has a passionate interest in the extended lore of Robin Hood, particular the widely underappreciated merry men Gilbert Whitehand, The Scotchman and Reynold Greenleaf. His passion for obscure Robin Hood minutiae is largely driven by his loneliness. Epic Voice Guy also thinks he thought M. Night Shyamalan and Michael Bay are the best directors ever and thinking Jar-Jar Binks is the best Star Wars character ever.
Despite his undeniably geeky interests, Epic Voice Guy can be self-conscious when he acts like a stereotypical internet geek. For example, when narrating Scott Pilgrim vs The World, he worried he was becoming "that guy" who always insists the comic book is better than the movie. Likewise, during the Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic Honest Game Trailer, he insisted that he wasn't a "neck-beard" and drew the line at playing Dungeons and Dragons. Additionally, while narrating Ghostbusters, he turned into his abrasive alter ego "Angry Voice Guy" whose personality is roughly equivalent to an abusive internet troll. In the same video, Epic Voice Guy expressed concern that he would be doxxed for making a video about Ghostbusters and calling out Trump.
General Interests Edit
Epic Voice Guy is well informed about conspiracy theories and believes there is a secret Illuminati based under Denver airport, that Christopher Nolan is sending him secret messages, and that he can predict video game release dates by counting letters. Epic Voice Guy really wishes he could escape the horrible present day. If he could have, Epic Voice Guy would have voted for Obama for a third term.
Epic Voice Guy has several bizarre interests and unusual habits. Epic Voice Guy once swore a blood oath to see every film made by The Rock. Also, laundry karate makes him want to drink bleach. He claims he never makes direct eye contact with anyone. In addition, Epic Voice Guy is bitter that his yard of dead trees attracted the ire of the city, while other people can successfully claim dead trees as "art".
Age and Early Life Edit
Epic Voice’s Guy’s exact age is never stated, but he states “I am old” and "I don’t get young people.” Based on the films he has claims to have first viewed as a child, Epic Voice Guy was probably a child during '80s and '90s. Epic Voice Guy is frequently disturbed to discover that movies he adored as a child are incredibly dark or crap when re-visited as an adult. This has resulted in Epic Voice Guy declaring “I hate the past.”
As a child, Epic Voice Guy had a toy called Mr Squizzleworth. The mere mention of Mr Squizzleworth is enough to bring Epic Voice Guy to tears. Epic Voice Guy’s parents had a “kink dungeon” which he discovered as a child. He describes the experience as “weird.” When he was a child, Epic Voice Guy's father would put him in spandex and beat him with a roomba. Epic Voice Guy may or may not be an orphan with an intense rivalry with his adopted brother, the first Epic Voice Guy.
Epic Voice Guy listened to Papa Roach in High School. He apparently had a strained relationship with his peers as teenager, because as an adult he longed to "murder all the awful people who hated him during High School." In addition, he wrote a fanfiction at age 15 titled "Ninja Viking vs. Boob Police", something he now considers cringey but nevertheless wants Netflix to adapt into a film. Epic Voice Guy's social difficulties seem to have continued into his college years, because as an adult he found himself relating to a super villain character who is constantly trying to destroy the world because someone was "kind of a dick to him in college."
During Spring Break ’97, Epic Voice Guy got so drunk in Brazil that he woke up in Guatemala. He is incredibly proud of this experience.
Epic Voice Guy has displayed sexual attraction to people of multiple genders and species, including women, men, rabbits, penguins and aliens. Epic Voice Guy is also sexually attracted to people with non-binary gender presentation, for example Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII, Penelope Cruz dressed as a man during Pirates of the Caribbean (”Mustache or not, I’d totally pork that dude.”), and the androgynous David Bowie in Labyrinth (“That guy could do whatever he wanted to me in his magic goblin castle.”). Epic Voice Guy has a longstanding fetish for breasts (“bewbs”) and abs. Epic Voice Guy is sexually aroused by kinky sex and sometimes wears overcoats to the theater for... purposes. He also finds Jean Grey’s animated X-gasms in X-Men: The Animated Series incredibly arousing.
Despite his vocal, enthusiastic attraction towards multiple men, Epic Voice Guy has never identified as gay, bi or pansexual. In the past, Epic Voice Guy told viewers that he wasn’t gay, usually directly after objectifying hot men such as ”Hunkosaurus-Rex" Liam Hemsworth and Channing Tatum. However, since 2016, Epic Voice Guy has openly expressed sexual attraction towards men without qualification or clarification, eg “Let’s go kiss some dudes!” in Top Gun. Epic Voice Guy also loves Benedict Cumberbatch's "beautiful shark face." He has also declared his desire to “bend over” for Captain America and put Patrick Swayze in his mouth. He is also attracted to Jason Momoa.
Epic Voice Guy stated that he found Princess Jasmine hot until he found out she was supposed to be only 15. He also stated that he found Hermione Granger attractive in the Harry Potter movies, but only after she turned 18. Epic Voice Guy is also attracted to extremely old women, for example the 10,000 year old Katana from Mortal Kombat.
Epic Voice Guy is sexually aroused by animated rabbits, including Judy Hopps in Zootopia and Lola Bunny in Space Jam. He has not officially labelled himself a furry, but he has raised it as a possibility that he is exploring. Epic Voice Guy freely admits he has a penguin fetish - and he insists his attraction to the species of aquatic flightless birds is "totally normal." Epic Voice Guy has hypothesized that this fetish is the direct result of his chlidhood love for Batman Returns.
Epic Voice Guy has shown sexual interest in multiple aliens, including sharing pictures of Thanos bending over in suggestive poses during the Avengers: Infinity War Honest Trailer, and declaring himself a Symbrock shipper during the Venom Honest Trailer. At the sight of Eddie Brock kissing She-Venom, he declared "Epic Voicey likey!"
Epic Voice Guy is also into swinging. He once hinted that he hooked up with a famous video game designer at a Mario key party.
Knowledge of Animal Reproduction and Anatomy Edit
Epic Voice Guy exhibits a highly developed understanding of animal reproduction on several occasions. For example, he comments on the breeding patterns of lions in The Lion King, highlights the fact that turtle penises are half the length of their bodies in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, points out that clown fish are protandrous hermaphrodites that can change sex before mating in Finding Nemo, notes that eels build eggs nests out of their own saliva in The Amazing Spider-Man 2, and observes that duck penises are corkscrew shaped and extend to the entire length of their bodies in Howard the Duck.
Epic Voice Guy's fixation with animal reproduction occasionally interferes with his work, for example during the How to Train Your Dragon Honest Trailer, he became momentarily distracted by the anatomical feasibility of a human woman having sexual relations with a bee.
Epic Voice Guy objects to anatomically incorrect depictions of animals in movies, including the absence of ape penises in both Dawn of the Planet of the Apes and Kong: Skull Island, and the absence of all sex organs and anuses in Zootopia. However, when animated films do depict animals with realistic anuses (such as in The Secret Life of Pets), Epic Voice Guy just complains about that too. It's not just anatomically correct animals that cause Epic Voice Guy distress: anatomically correct mannequins and minotaurs cause the same reaction.
It is unclear where Epic Voice Guy obtained his extensive knowledge about animal reproduction or whether it has anything to do his sexual attraction towards Judy Hopps.
Math and reading skills Edit
Epic Voice Guy doesn’t understand roman numerals. He also has extreme difficulty pronouncing long names such as Wasikowska, Palahniuk, Postlethwaite, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Saorise Ronan, Denis Villeneuve and Yorgos Lanthimos. Epic Voice Guy reads out misspelled comments verbatim, and it’s unclear if this is deliberate. Epic Voice Guy has difficulty understanding people with foreign accents, especially if they are delivering plot-dense exposition.
Emotional stability Edit
"If I have an aneurysm, tell my family I died as I lived: furious!" ~ Epic Voice Guy, Honest Game Trailers - Mega Man 11Epic Voice Guy is extremely emotionally volatile. He has flown into fits of rage multiple times, including during After Earth, Game of Thrones Vol 1, The Maze Runner and Star Wars. The only time his rage has impeded his ability to do his job was during the recording session for After Earth, a film so atrocious he walked out of the booth in disgust. Epic Voice Guy’s rage has become near homicidal on a couple of occasions including when he ranted that he hated Joffrey Baratheon so much, he was willing to kill him himself, and when he wished all meter maids were dead.
Epic Voice Guy cries during emotional moments in virtually any kids movie, e.g. Home Alone, Inside Out, Finding Nemo, Finding Dory and How to Train Your Dragon. Epic Voice Guy has also been moved to tears by saccharin YA cancer romances like The Fault in Our Stars, superhero TV shows like The Flash, bromantic anime series like Naruto, and gritty comic book movies like Logan. In particular, all expressions of fatherly affection make Epic Voice Guy sob uncontrollably, regardless of whether they occur during sentimental children’s animations like Finding Nemo, light-hearted comedies like Home Alone, or hard-R action movies such as The Terminator. Epic Voice Guy should probably call his Dad and work through his Daddy issues. Epic Voice Guy has extreme difficulty dealing with sadness and vulnerability. Though he cries semi-regularly, he usually insists that he is not crying and tells others not to look at him.
Family and relationships Edit
Marital status Edit
Epic Voice Guy is or was at one point married. In 2015 he stated that he has a “dull marriage” and that “I’m never getting laid.” He describes himself as “so lonely” and "so alone". Perhaps his loneliness is also why he's so eager to delete his browser history before he dies? In late 2017, Epic Voice Guy referred to his ex-wife, Karen, who he insists doesn't miss.
Epic Voice Guy has a daughter and a son. He is fairly obviously a terrible father. Epic Voice Guy openly admits he was more excited when Captain America picked up Thor's hammer in Avengers: Endgame than he was the day his kids were born. Epic Voice Guy even claims his children are "not worthy of my time and attention."
Epic Voice Guy has been known to ignore his children's basic needs in preference to playing video games including Dark Souls, The Sims and everything on the PlayStation VR. He traumatized his son, Billy, by showing him the surprisingly violent (but bloodless) film The Mummy (1999). Epic Voice Guy insisted Billy should stop crying because "there aren't even any brains on the floor!" Epic Voice Guy doesn't remember his daughter's birthday - but he does know random facts about the careers of minor MCU cast members, including that Clark Gregg/Agent Coulson wrote the supernatural horror film What Lies Beneath.
Epic Voice Guy is concerned The LEGO Movie might turn his daughter into a communist. When Epic Voice Guy drives his daughter to soccer practice, he plays hipster music and thinks he is the “cool dad.” Epic Voice Guy’s daughter appears in the Superman: The Movie episode of Honest Trailers where she is credited as “Epic Voice Kid.” Her intellectual abilities are impressive and she provides a highly sophisticated analysis of the thematic content of the film. Epic Voice Guy responded to her contribution by telling her to “Go bother your Mom” and “Get the f*** out of my booth.” Epic Voice Guy labelled the silent world of A Quiet Place "every Dad's paradise."
Epic Voice Guy’s mother thinks that he is wasting his life and he should go to night school. Epic Voice Guy has a strained relationship with his father. Their relationship is so bad that any movie scene depicting fatherly affection makes Epic Voice Guy break down into uncontrollable crying. “Just keep swimming, Jon” and maybe you should really call you Dad this time. The exact cause of Epic Voice Guy’s estrangement from his father is never directly stated, though it probably has something to do with Epic Voice Guy’s father ignoring his son whenever he gushed about comic books (“Dad, why aren’t you listening to me?” – Honest Trailers - Avengers: Infinity War). Also, Epic Voice Guy's father putting his son him in spandex and beating him with a roomba as a child may have been a contributing factor.
Other family members Edit
Epic Voice Guy has an older brother, Craig. As a kid, he once beat Craig on a Mortal Kombat II arcade machine in the back of a car wash. Even as an adult, he was proud of this feat: "Take that, Craig!" Epic Voice Guy’s Nanna is still alive and she has no idea how to use Facebook. She often accidentally posts status updates when searching for oatmeal cookie recipes. Epic Voice Guy has another grandmother, Gram-Gram, who he publicly apologized to after discussing the merits of stun-batoning little old ladies.
Epic Voice Guy’s grandfather, “Papa,” is deceased, but he would have appreciated a monster movie-verse featuring The Creature from the Black Lagoon. Epic Voice Guy has at least one aunt (“Aunt Pam”) who posts lots of Minions memes on Facebook. He also refers to "your aunt" (sometimes “your Aunt Bev”) who is turned on by Fifty Shades of Grey. It is unclear if Aunt Bev is his actual aunt.
Financial Stability Edit
Epic Voice Guy's family is in a precarious financial situation due to excessive spending on Frozen merchandise for his daughter. He claims that his family is “poor now.” His financial situation is so dire that he appeared on screen during the Honest Trailers episode Boyhood, despite not providing any voice-over narration, purely to clarify that he would still get paid.
Work Ethic Edit
Epic Voice Guy is dedicated to provide voice-over for all Honest Trailers regardless of his personal feelings on a film. However, Daredevil was so boring that he fell asleep in the booth, while After Earth was so actively atrocious that he walked out of the booth in disgust. Epic Voice Guy is so committed to his job that he sprayed silver food mist across his mouth during the recording of Mad Max: Fury Road. Apparently it tasted terrible.
Phobias and impairments Edit
Epic Voice Guy has multiple phobias including unprepared public speaking, clowns, naked elderly woman, minions, beautiful women with very faint birthmarks and poor-quality video game face scans. His greatest fear is the old dancing man from the Six Flags commercials. In addition, he is terrifyingly susceptible to video game jump scares and sometimes experiences urinary incontinence while playing games. Epic Voice Guy would run away from a potential romantic partner who owned a framed Chronicles of Riddick poster. As would we all.
Several things cause Epic Voice Guy to puke including torture porn, gruesome war violence, shaky camera work, vans that smell like ass, and low-resolution Nintendo 64 video game textures. Epic Voice Guy is occasionally prone to nose bleeds, usually brought on by complicated franchise continuity. A related ailment is his tendency to black-out during overstuffed movies. Epic Voice Guy is also highly photosensitive; he can be blinded by the mere sight of excessive white pancake makeup.
Epic Voice Guy has a form of erectile dysfunction where he can’t sustain an erection without obtaining a certain number of YouTube views. As far as the writers of this Wiki know, no research is currently being conducted regarding this condition, so its prevalence and severity is unknown.
Epic Voice Guy also has a previously unknown form of epididymal hypertension ("blue balls") that is triggered by anticipation scenes in horror movies. He refers to this condition as "scare balls." We, the writers of this Wiki, thank Epic Voice Guy for raising much needed public awareness about this condition.
Drug Use Edit
Epic Voice Guy occasionally eats a few edibles before going to the theater. He often compares the experience of watching movies to the effects of various drugs, implying he has extensive first-hand experiences of banned substances.
Alter Egos Edit
In the Honest Trailer for Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, Epic Voice Guy discovered that he had four alter egos from other dimensions: Epic Geek Girl, who is sunny, upbeat and emotionally healthier; Epic Dungeon Master, a far traveler from a distant realm who earns his keep being critical about movies; Epic Telenovela Woman who puts the passion into Honest Trailers; and Australian Voice Guy, whose sole defining feature is that he is Australian.
List of references Edit
- ↑ 1.0 1.1 The spandex-wearing and roomba-beating was revealed in a deleted scene in The Incredibles Honest Trailer. Head writer Spencer Gilbert says the fact is not official Epic Voice Guy canon, but it is his 'head canon.' In the Honest Trailer commentary, the writers noted that the fact fits nicely with other aspects of the Epic Voice Guy mythos, namely that he discovered his parent's kink dungeon as a child.
- ↑ As postulated by the writers in the Honest Trailers Commentary for Fifty Shades Freed.