Twister is the 348th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 1996 disaster film Twister. It was published on June 3, 2020, as part of Blockbuster Summer, a special run of episodes in which Screen Junkies turned their attention to blockbusters both old and new. Originally scheduled to be published on Tuesday June 2, 2020, this video was delayed due to Blackout Tuesday and the Black Lives Matter protests against the death of George Floyd. It is 5 minutes and 56 seconds long. It has been viewed over 700,000 times.
Watch Honest Trailers - Twister on YouTube
"Oh, I hope they put an end to those darn sparks! But only with their own money; no corporate sellout scientists!" ~ Honest Trailer - Twister
Script []
This summer, we're getting honest about summer blockbusters past and present. This is Honest Trailers: Blockbuster Summer.
Before event movies were all based on comic books, and Tom Cruise had to cheat death to get butts in seats, one genre dominated the 90's cineplex like no other: erotic thrillers. Oh, yeah... A-And also, disaster movies. But only one of them will put you deep inside the suck zone.
Dusty: (seductively, to Melissa) "The suck zone".
Twister
Dusty: It's the suck zone.
Welcome to the exciting world of wind science, where experts stare thoughtfully at the horizon while weather happens in the distance...
(Jo and Bill witness the windmills spinning)
Bill Harding: Of course...
...and meet Jo and Bill, a couple of tornado scientists who used to be married and plan on fighting about it anytime the wind drops below 50.
Jo Harding: I'm not!
Bill Harding: What? Wait, wait, wait, wait. I need therapy?
Jo Harding: I didn't say that.
Bill Harding: I need a therapist?
Jo Harding: I didn't say that.
Bill Harding: What could I possibly need a therapist for?
Jo's got a grudge against tornadoes, since they keep trying to steal her family members (Jo's father is sucked up by a tornado), while Bill is trying to leave the stormy life behind, but also leave his fiancée behind any chance he gets.
Bill Harding: --why don't you, uh, hang out here for a little while? I'll-I'll be right back. / Listen, I'm going to hang out here and get some air. Why don't you-Why don't you go get us some cold drinks? / Once we catch up with him, you take the truck and head home.
Melissa Reeves: I'm going back.
Bill Harding: Good, good.
Together, they lead a motley crew of nerdy helpers. There's Rabbit, the one who's got five years left before MapQuest takes his job; Beltzer, the one who quotes movies...
Beltzer: That's no moon! It's a space station! Wooo!
...Allan, the one from that one commercial...
Caller: (with his mouth full) Aaron Burr. Oh, hold on, let me pour some milk.
...the great Philip Seymour Hoffman as the character Jack Black would base his entire career on...
Dusty: Oh, manly handshakin' Zeus.
...and the rest of them. But in a movie where people literally outrun tornadoes, the most unbelievable thing is there are two teams of tornado-chasing scientists, and the evil one is led by the diabolical Dr. Miller, who takes money in order to do more science.
Bill Harding: --Jonas went out and got himself some corporate sponsors.
So eff that guy, right? He definitely deserves to die. (Jonas's truck is picked up by the tornado) Yeah, take that, funding!
Strap in for one of the biggest action juggernauts of 1996 (a fuel truck explodes in front of Bill and Jo), a movie that largely consists of people driving toward a storm, then immediately yelling "Get out of there!" once they get close... (montage of people saying "Get out of there!" before the tornado hits) You're chasing it! What did you think was going to happen?! ...in this cautionary tale that reminds audiences everywhere, the greatest danger in a tornado isn't the tornado itself; you can probably just hunker down and let it pass right over you. (Jo and Bill take cover as the tornadoes pass over them) No, the real killer is sparks. (montage of people running away from sparking objects) Oh, I hope they put an end to those darn sparks! But only with their own money; no corporate sellout scientists! (Jo encounters sparks while fixing an antenna)
So enjoy this white-knuckle adventure/relationship drama about sad, lonely divorcees, from an era where movies with $100 million budgets didn't need to kick off a franchise or adapt some IP, and when they destroyed some sh*t, they really destroyed some sh*t. (montage of buildings being destroyed) And return to a golden age when a film could be based on the whim of a studio exec who flipped channels to a tornado doc on National Geographic. "Yeah, he's a storm chaser. Plus, his wife's always on his ass or something? I don't know. Get Crichton on it; we'll figure something out. <deep inhale>"
Starring: That's It, Man. Gale Over, Man! Gale Over! (Bill Paxton as Bill "The Extreme" Harding); Jo Versus the Tornado (Helen Hunt as Dr. Joanne "Jo" Harding); Aaaaas Yoooou Wiiiiiish (Cary Elwes as Dr. Jonas Miller); Dr. Girlfriend (Jami Gertz as Dr. Melissa Reeves); Gustin' Hoffman (Philip Seymour Hoffman as "Dusty" Davis); Aaron Burr! (Sean Whalen as Allan Sanders); Never A Boring Ride with Alan Ruck (as Robert "Rabbit" Nurick); Dr. Daniel Farenheit (sic) (Jeremy Davies as Brian Laurence); Moooove B****, Get Out the Way (a cow flies by Jo and Bill's truck); House Hunters Oklahoma (Jo and Bill drive through an overturned house); and Meteorology Slang (montage of people using storm-chasing terms). Yeah, and, uh, don't forget to flip-flop the doozleknob when you... gonna tip the... phalange!
Marriage Stormy
The honest title for Twister was 'Marriage Stormy'. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
This is easily the second-funniest movie about the wind trying to kill you.
Elliot Moore: I'm talking to a plastic plant. I'm still doing it.
Viewer's Comments[]
Please say: "Troy and Abed in the Morning!" - Tycent
Say: "Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!" - RIPjkripper
Please Say "baby I hear the blues are calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs" - Raahim Kamaal
Please say: "Starring Chris Hemsworth in ABS The Movie." - TheBlueDanYube
Please say "Pat, you're the greatest husband a lady could ask for, happy 10 year anniversary!" - Kristina Johnson
Trivia[]
Reception[]
Production Credits[]
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Written by: Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Danielle Radford & Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert & Joe Starr
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen
Post-Production Supervisor: Emin Bassavand
Supervising Producer: Max Dionne
Associate Producer: Ryan O'Toole
Executive Producer: Roth Cornet