Total Recall (1990) is the 318th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 1990 science-fiction action film Total Recall. It was published on October 22, 2019, coincide to the theatrical release of the Arnold Schwarzenegger film Terminator: Dark Fate. It is 4 minutes and 32 seconds long. It has been viewed over 800k times.
Watch Honest Trailers - Total Recall (1990) on YouTube
"Yeesh, I hope this is all a dream and Richter’s just some guy who spit in Quaid’s drink at a Chili’s or something." ~ Honest Trailers - Total Recall (1990)
Script []
From Paul Verhoeven, the director who satirized corporatism in the film where a robot cop shoots crooks in the dick [Robocop], satirized militarism in the film where the beefcake troupe kills aliens real cool [Starship Troopers], and satirized sexism in the movie where the strippers hump fight their way to the top [Showgirls]. The king of having is cake and eating it too [Schwarzenegger] will satirize colonialism in the action flick where the beefcake does some humping then shoots the dicks off everyone on Mars.
Total Recall (The good one)
Strap in for a mind-bending trip to the future, that’s going through a big 90’s retro craze apparently [shows 90’s references in the movie] and see a prophetic vision of today’s society. Where people can’t afford A real vacation, robots terk er jerbs, and going outside will kill you. But, hey. At least we’re not paying for oxygen these days, right? Then we’d really know we were in a dystopia. [shows cans of recreational oxygen you can buy on Amazon] (sigh) Oh, well. If this is our future, at least I won’t be the only one with a third nip in the jacooz.
Meet Douglas Quaid, a man who can’t tell fantasy from reality. Like some other Quaid’s you may know [Randy Quaid]. He’s either a mind-wiped super spy with the key to saving Mars in his brain or a construction worker who married Sharon Stone. So yes, two equally unlikely options. But when Quaid dreams, he dreams of being Arnold at his peak. Making all the great Arnold noises [shows clips of Doug grunting], dunking on fools after he kills ’em [shows two scenes of Doug saying one-liners], and packing some serious heat! Both kinds of heat. [shows Melina touching Doug’s dick]
Melina: “What have you been feeding this thing?”
It’s just a boner!
Thrill as this atlas in wonderland runs from gunfight to gunfight to gunfight to gunfight to gunfight to gunfight, where he’ll swoon over the lovely Melina. A hooker with a heart of... I dunno. We really don’t get to know her that well. Tussle with his wife Lori, A highly skilled crotch assassin. [shows clips of Lori hitting Doug in the crotch] Battle Cohaagen, Mars governor who’s sent to earth with a false identity, surrounded by actors, waited for him to discover he’s someone else, assume he’ll go to mars searching for vengeance, then befriend a very particular cab driver, and earn the trust of the mutant resistance’s leader or none of his evil plan works. And fight Richter, a goon stuck in middle management who in one day has to let Quaid do his wife, get berated by his boss, and lose both of his arms. Yeesh, I hope this is all a dream and Richter’s just some guy who spit in Quaid’s drink at a Chili’s or something.
So strap in for a modern classic action film that influenced The Matrix with it’s red pill, reality bending, and fire fighting and riot cops and a roomful of pillars, and influenced Avatar with it’s double agent who fights for the colonized people, falls in love with one of them, meets their psychic leader, then accidentally leads the bad guys to the rebels home base. Wow, that is a lot of Avatar. But, no matter how influential it was, the discerning cinephile recognize it for what it is. A total rip-off of the greatest sci-fi film ever made... Spaceballs. [shows action clips of this movie and Spaceballs as a comparison]
Starring: Hank Azaria (Arnold Schwarzenegger as Douglas Quaid); Melina Wins. Flawless Victory. (Rachel Ticotin as Melina); Nut Job (Sharon Stone as Lori Quaid); We Will Deal With Your Rebel Friends Soon Enough... (Ronny Cox as Vilos Cohaagen); Richter And Morty (Michael Ironside as Richter and Michael Champion as Helm); Shredder! Get To The Technodrome! (rowr) (Marshall Bell as George and Kuato); Douchey Mane (Mel Johnson Jr. as Benny); Mars? Fuggethabout It! (Robert Costanzo as Harry); Google Drive (Robert Picardo as Johnnycab); and A Pair And A Spare (Lycia Naff as Mary, the three-breasted prostitute).
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The honest title for Total Recall (1990) was 'Mars Hard.' Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
Mars Hard
In the future we have driverless cars, but they still talk to you? This is a dystopia.
Trivia[]
Honest Trailers Commentary - Total Recall
- The Alan raptor appears at 0:19, peeking over some rocks.
- Other Arnold Schwarzenegger films to get the Honest Trailers treatment include Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Terminator Genisys, Predator and Batman & Robin. See list of Honest Trailers for more.
- Other films directed by Paul Verhoeven to get Honest Trailers include RoboCop and Showgirls.
Watch the full Honest Trailer Commentary on YouTube
Reception[]
Honest Trailers - Total Recall (1990) has a 98.5% approval rating from YouTube viewers.
Production credits[]
Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Total Recall (1990).
Title Design by Robert Holtby
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey
Written by: Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell, Danielle Radford & Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell, & Max Dionne
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen