Astral Chain is the 243rd episode of Fandom Games' comedy series Honest Game Trailers. It was written by Max Song, Andrew Bird, and Spencer Gilbert. It parodies the action-adventure hack and slash video game Astral Chain. It was published on September 24, 2019. It has been viewed over 100,000 times.
From the studio that gave you frenetic action games (Vanquish) with ass, sass (Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance), and ass (PlatinumGames) comes a series that doesn't just wear anime on its sleeve; it hits the town with a life-sized body pillow. Look, there's even an opening credits sequence! (the song "Savior" plays during an action scene) Ooh, this must be what it feels like to have God and anime on your side!
Get ready to play cyber cop in the new IP from PlatinumGames that mashes pure weeaboo aesthetic with a light coating of post-apocalyptic sci-fi and a vague justification for a super-weird demon slave fighting system (?), then tops it off with the traditional cherry of insanely over-the-top action sequences, in an experience that is about as PlatinumGames as you can possibly get, especially the part where they constantly remind you how much ass you suck. (Rank: D) Ugh, can I at least relax in the investigation parts? (Rank: B) OH, COME ON!!
Discover the unhinged action of Astral Chain that takes all the normal dodging, comboing, and timing abilities that you'd expect and then makes you control an entirely separate character on top of that, forcing you to carve new neural pathways in your brain just to not feel like a complete idiot in every fight, while you tie enemies up with your Legion's chain or use it to leapfrog around the stage, or just end up throwing him out there randomly and hoping for the best, assuming dyslexia or hand cramps don't get you first, in an intricate battle system that seems like it was a pretty good idea on paper, but feels more like you're trying to rub your stomach and pat your head at the same time. Oh, so basically, it's Wonderful 101 all over again.
Uncover the different stages of an Astral Chain level as you're sent all over the remains of a now-broken Earth to do Arkham-style investigation scenes to track down the latest yōkai you're hunting. Then, answer extremely simple questions that are basically just checking if you were conscious in the last ten minutes. Then, finally get set free in the level to... slowly pick up all the trash the demons are littering, solve puzzles whose answer is always exactly one demon skill, and do a surprising amount of pretty bad platforming, until you finally stumble across a boss fight that you'll struggle through only to reveal that there's still, like, two hours of level left. Only one thing left to do... (the player character steps off the edge and falls into the abyss) Ahh...
So put on your best salute and get ready to yank your chain, for an action-filled romp that, for better or for worse, is 100% a Platinum joint. But hey, if that isn't your thing, at the very least, watch the Lappy cutscenes.
Lappy: This is the restroom. It's for everyone...
Lappy is love. Lappy is life.
Starring: Chain Link (Aleks Le/Brianna Knickerbocker as The Player); Twin Trouble and Make It Double (Aleks Le/Brianna Knickerbocker as Akira Howard); Jeralt (Owen Thomas as Maximilian Howard); Michelle Rodriquez (sic) (Elizabeth Maxwell as Alicia Lopez); Adam Jinsen (Jordan Reynolds as Jin Wong); Dr. Wily (Joe J. Thomas as Yoseph Calvert); Metal Gear Mk. II (Kyle McCarley as Harold "Hal" Clark/Hal's drone); Walking Anime Trope (Cassandra Lee as Marie Wentz); Death Maus (Brad Venable as Kyle Merkulov); Alexia Ashford (Rebecca Davis as Jena Anderson); McStuff'd the Crime Dog (Cassandra Lee as Lappy); and Is This a JoJo?! (Legions)
Defending the world from the apocalypse is great and all, but cleaning up the streets one can at a time? That's true heroism. Ah, nothing feels better than doing my civic duty.
Viewer Comments Edit
Please say: "Tune in next week to Honest Game Trailers comments for the continuation of the Noodle Overlord adventures!" - Brendan Lafferty
Say: "So THIS is the famous "Butt Stallion." - Andrew Haase
Please say: "All your base are belong to us"! - Jake Brady
Please say, "A bit of poison on my blade and let's go!" - healsallwounds
Please say: Nintendo! Now you're playing with POWER! - Darryl Lazakar
Honest Game Trailers - Astral Chain has a 96.8% approval rating from YouTube viewers.
Production Credits Edit
Edited by Max Song