Kingdom Hearts 2.8 is the 140th episode of the comedy web series Honest Game Trailers. It was written by Andrew Bird, Max Song, Spencer Gilbert and Matt Raub. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the action role-playing video game Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue. It was published on March 7, 2017. Kingdom Hearts 2.8 was originally published on Smosh Games, but is currently available on Fandom Games. It has been viewed over 1 million times.
"From the people that love to put Disney characters in fetish gear." ~ Honest Game Trailers - Kingdom Hearts 2.8
From the people that loved to put Disney characters in fetish gear comes yet another half-step in a franchise dragging it's feet as hard as it possibly can before its third full entry.
Kingdom Hearts 2.8. Really? 2.8? This is just getting excessive.
Return to the endlessly interactive world of Kingdom Hearts and experience the feeling of being shafted all over again! As Square slaps together a bunch of underperforming handheld games and HD remasters and sells them to you again at the price of a full game because they know that you're so thirsty for anything Kingdom Hearts that you'll end up buying it anyway.
Experience the world-salad that is the Final Chapter Prequel, as Square frantically attempts to make all the Kingdom Hearts games make sense together by pasting a 40 minute cutscene alongside an HD Remix of a 3DS game from 2012 and a glorified demo of the new game's engine and hoping it will tide you over a little longer until they finally cancel Kingdom Hearts 3. I mean, come on! Stop messing around and give us 3 already! I've had blue balls for an entire decade.
Dive into the most mediocre of the three experiences 2.8 has to offer: Back Cover, a cinematic prelude to the Keyblade Wars, an awesome-sounding conflict that you don't even get to see and that seems to exist for the sole purpose of reminding you that they have a mobile game. Then, check out 'Dream Drop Distance' an adorably titled 3DS game that puts you through the same familiar formula, except does what all games do when they run out of ideas -- by adding parkour, or turning it into Pokémon -- in this case, both! Then crack open the final and actual new video game portion of 2.8: Kingdom Hearts, A Fragmentary Passage. And marvel at how amazing everything looks with the new KH3 engine with stunning environments, smooth cinematic combat, and things constantly exploding into fireworks then reel in horror as you realize it's only two hours long. But, look... you can make your character into a robot cat-girl ninja! That justifies my purchase, right?
Watch as 2.8 desperately tries to fill in the massive holes in the rich tapestry that is Kingdom Hearts plot by filling it in with a whole lot more nonsense that I'm gonna try to go through really quickly. Okay, here it goes (Inhales). So Back Cover's about these five masters trying to find a traitor that will eventually spark the Keyblade Wars which apparently they knew was gonna happen anyway then fast-forward to 'Dream Drop Distance', where Riku and Sora drop into the dreams of the sleeping worlds from the first game then confront a time-traveling Xehanort which is apparently a thing now as he tries to steal Sora and turn him into one of the thirteen clones of darkness and we learn Xehanort's master plan of trying to form the keyblade with an X by abducting the hearts of the seven princesses of light with his thirteen clones of darkness that can only be defeated by the seven Keyblade wielders!
Then join one of those keyblade wielders, Aqua as she wanders, trapped in the world of darkness chasing after the shadows of her friends and defeating the darkness in herself! Then find out she plays a major part in the end of the first game and the whole thing turns into a Mickey confessional as it jumps right into the start of the third game, as Riku and Mickey set out to find Aqua while Sora and friends try to discover the literal power of being woke. Look, the plot is just way too sophisticated for you to understand, okay? It's actually really good.
So put on those cat ears and get ready to fork over that money for a demo of the prequel of a game. Because for all there is to complain about at least there's always that fire Utada Hikaru song to come back to. oooOOOOOoh! It's a remix this time
Starring: The Essences of Wetness (Willa Holland as Aqua); Clown Shoes (Haley Joel Osment as Sora); Dolan (Tony Anselmo as Donald Duck); Pants Dog (Bill Farmer as Goofy); Clearly The Top (David Gallagher as Riku); Ginger Goth That's Not Named Axel Anymore (Quinton Flynn as Lea); Original Gangsta (Ray Chase as The Master of Masters); Furry Convention (The Foretellers [Matthew Mercer as Ira, Isabela Moner as Ava, Kevin G. Quinn as Gula, Travis Willingham as Aced, and Karissa Lee Staples as Invi]); Yah I Know, It's Disney Backwards (Corey Burton as Yen Sid); and Xehanort and Xehanort and Xehanort and Xehanort and Xehanort [Screen reads: Yup Xehanort Again. You Guessed it Xehanort. Xehanort Xehanort Xehanort Xehanort] (Richard Epcar as Terra-Xehanort and Ansem, James Patrick Stuart as Xigbar, Paul St. Peter as Xemnas, Ben Diskin as Young Xehanort, and Leonard Nimoy as Master Xehanort).
Cash 4 Hearts II.8
You know, this is only funny until we end up getting 2.95 Final Final Mix.
Honest Game Trailers - Kingdom Hearts 2.8 has a 98.2% approval rating from YouTube viewers.
Executive Producers: Matt Raub and Spencer Gilbert
Edited by: Max Song
Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey
Titles designed by Robert Holtby
- Kingdom Hearts 2.8 Honest Trailer - Entertainment Buddha article