Pokémon Unite is the 342nd episode of Fandom Games' comedy series Honest Game Trailers. It was written by Max Song, Andrew Bird, and Spencer Gilbert, and narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the free-to-play, multiplayer online battle arena video game Pokémon Unite. It was published on August 17, 2021. It has been viewed over 50,000 times.
Script[]
In a world where pocket monsters have infiltrated every facet of your reality, get ready for another attempt to deepthroat your rent money, with a "Baby's First MOBA" that takes the genre to its logical conclusion: letting you juice up the little b*stards with money. You know, like real sports!
Pokémon Unite
Enter the extremely casual online battleground of Pokémon Unite, as Tencent and The Pokémon Company attempt to bank on a trend almost a decade late, by stripping the usual MOBA formula of anything even remotely complicated, and filling the void with adorable characters they've already hammered into your lower brain stem for decades, making it one of the most accessible MOBAs ever made for casual players, and to hardcore veterans, a piece of trash they wouldn't let their dog crap on.
Choose from a veritable Poké-bowl of different-generation monsters, with some classics, some fan-favorites, and a bunch that you would never even consider taking out of your box, each with their own roles and specialties, that everyone will mostly forget about as they frantically scramble to score points, as you gain experience to evolve your Pokémon as quickly as possible, because since this game doesn't have item builds or, like, aiming, an opponent even one level above you will take your ass to Pound Town, unless you actually know how to play MOBAs, in which case, you roll over everyone like they're elementary schoolers, which is probably exactly what's going on. Does it feel good to win, knowing that I've crushed the hopes of a bunch of actual children? Yes. Emphatically, yes.
Shoot some hoops in a game that is almost exactly nothing like basketball, as every kill fills your fat little belly with points, that you'll attempt to dunk into your opponents' not-towers to catch them in, only to get stun-locked out of it because your team hasn't developed object permanence yet and wandered off, until everything ultimately devolves into a slap-fight over Zapdos, who gives you so many points that it basically determines the entire match, because at ten minutes, the game just ends no matter how hard everyone was sucking, so you can feel like you've accomplished something and hopefully convince you to spend some money to buy a dumb suit for Mr. Mime or whatever, then just repeat the cycle again and again until they've broken you down psychologically, in a game design that makes the matches just quick and painless enough that you accidentally end up devoting your life to it. Mobile games: the easiest way to empty your mind and your wallet simultaneously.
Discover Pokémon Unite's most contentious mechanic: their Held Item upgrade system, that allows you to use real money to boost up your Pokémon's gear for maximum stats, instead of grinding incredibly slowly to accrue their free currency, assuming there's anyone left that isn't tired of getting totally spanked just because they're poor...
Announcer: You lose!
...in an amazingly more annoying business model than the current MOBA standard, that doesn't even really try to conceal the fact that it's another blatant cash grab, that you'll play anyway because they slapped a Pikachu on it. It's really saying something when a game almost makes EA look ethical. (multiple articles pop up detailing criticism of the game's emphasis on microtransactions) Okay, maybe I shouldn't go that far... (shows the massive amount of pre-order bonuses for FIFA 19)
So dress up those Pokémon and get your parents' credit cards ready, for a subpar experience that would get laughed out of the market without its licensing, that can still be some quick, sloppy fun as long as you don't take it too seriously. Basically, it's the Tinder of MOBAs.
Starring: Super Saiyan Felix (Zeraora); Rule34devoir (Gardevoir); Dragonlame (Charizard); Catatonic Totoro (Snorlax); Brownie Crab (Crustle); Narutoad (Greninja); Tina Turner's Sentient Wig (Eldegoss); Play Firebird (Talonflame); Flurry Convention (Lucario); Do You Smoke Weedmon (Venusaur); John Wayne Gacey (Mr. Mime); The Original E-Girl (Slowbro); Joe Rogan (Machamp); Emo Simba (Absol); A Nude Gremlin (Wigglytuff); Dog Mei (Alolan Ninetales); Cramitupyours (Cramorant); G Fuel Jiggily Puff (Gengar); Delta Airlines (Garchomp); Amanda Bines (Cinderace); and The Money Maker (Pikachu).
Pokémon Class Warfare Stadium
You know, one thing they got right is the cosmetics. Because it doesn't matter what game I'm playing; I just want to look like I'm recently divorced.
Viewer Comments[]
Please say, "When you're young, you go looking for every fight you can. You get older, you realize that the best fights will find you." - Urdnot Wrex (Mass Effect) - Easter Fools
Say: "The award for the best third wheel goes to....LUIGI" - Nkanyiso Craig
"hiyyaaaaa hyaaaah!" Dramatic Link, sword swinging - Robert Turner
Please say "METROPLEX HEEDS THE CALL OF THE LAST PRIME!" and do an Honest Game Trailer for the Transformers: Cybertron games. - Matthew Jarek
Trivia[]
Reception[]
Honest Game Trailers - Pokémon Unite has a 98.8% approval rating from YouTube viewers.
Production Credits[]
Written by: Max Song, Andrew Bird and Spencer Gilbert
Edited by: Max Song
Associate Producer: Ryan O'Toole
Post-Production Supervisor: Emin Bassavand
Post-Production Coordinator: Mikołaj Kossakowski
Assistant Editor: Rebecca Castaneda
Director of Video Production: Max Dionne