Wolfenstein: Youngblood is the 236th episode of Fandom Games' comedy series Honest Game Trailers. It was written by Max Song, Andrew Bird, and Spencer Gilbert. It parodies the action-adventure first-person shooter video game Wolfenstein: Youngblood. It was published on August 6, 2019. It has been viewed over 200,000 times.
In a world devastated by violent extremism and giant mech dogs, two heroes will rise to take down the techno-Nazi menace the only way they know how: while giggling like schoolgirls.
Soph Blazkowicz: F*ck yeah! (she and Jess giggle to themselves)
Abby Walker: You guys are weird.
Get ready to gib some German guts in this glorified expansion pack, as you take the role of erstwhile protagonist B.J. Blazkowicz's children in their hunt for their father and mentor across the same six maps in Nazi-occupied Paris. And discover an alternate timeline where, instead of having a deeply weird and surprising narrative, Wolf II just serves up 20 hours of shooting guys named "Fritz", with a light smear of RPG elements and a sprinkle of microtransactions on top, and a co-op partner to f*ck everything up for you, earning its $30 price tag by being about... half the game Wolfenstein II was. But hey, at least this game doesn't make you murder a dog. (footage of a dynamite-wearing German Shepherd exploding in Jess and Soph's faces) Or... not.
Scour the barren cityscapes of occupied Paris for what little crumbs of narrative Youngblood has to offer, as MachineGames puts aside the extremely dark storyline of The New Colossus in favor of a lighthearted coming-of-age tale about two young girls and their first serial murder spree, where they'll learn all about themselves and their apparently genetic capacity for being unkillable, while they slaughter hundreds of people because they think their dad might be nearby (?), in a story that largely ignores what people enjoyed about the mainline game and just gives you a bunch more of the largely unremarkable gunplay, but with a buddy this time. Because nothing spices up hours of shooting gray guys in gray levels like making a friend do it with you.
Discover Youngblood's significant tweaks to the Wolfenstein formula, which retains the old-school core gameplay you remember -- no regenerating health, no "cover" button, and no limit on the amount of massive guns you can carry -- but then slaps on a layer of bizarrely modern changes, like a barely-there leveling system where all the enemies scale to how strong you are anyway; a sort-of-open world to let them use the same levels over and over and bulk up the game with side-quests; a strange resistance system where you have to match the enemy squares with the right weapon squares and not the other squares, for... science, obviously; co-op actions where you give your sister armor by... throwing the devil horns at her?; and, of course, the chance to purchase more things inside the game for real-world money, in a twist on the original gameplay that feels unnecessary and largely unwelcome. Ah yes, I know what this game needs: having to sign up for a Bethesda account. Brilliant!
So grab a partner and do-si-do all over a Nazi's dick, in the latest strange, unplanned bastard child of the Wolfenstein franchise that, despite its flaws and missteps, still delivers a serviceable way to waste some afternoons with a layabout friend while you talk about literally anything else. "Did you hear that Steve and Wendy got engaged? Wild, right?" "Oh, that seems way too soon. By the way, I'm extremely dead."
Starring: The Hardy Girls (Jess and Soph Blazkowicz); BJ Oldskowitz (B.J. Blazkowicz); Granny Grab and Stab (Anya Oliwa); Amazing Grace (Grace Walker); Emphysema; Silent But Lovely; Girlboss (Abby Walker); and They Still Did Nazi That Coming (Nazis).
Wolfenstein 3D is cool and all, but what if you could just put the entirety of Return to Castle Wolfenstein in the next one of these? I mean, how big can it be? Like, 500 megabytes?
Viewer Comments Edit
Please say "All your base belongs to us!!!" - john red
say "all of my points are good, muar har hee hoo ha ho" - SCRUFFY!!!!!!
Say: "You can't catch me! I'm the lingerie man!" - Andrew Haase
In honor of Final Fantasy XIV you've gotta say "Lali Hooooo" - renosluver2010
Please say, "Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?" - Cats777
Honest Game Trailers - Wolfenstein: Youngblood has a 93.3% approval rating from YouTube viewers.
Production Credits Edit
Edited by Max Song