Yakuza is the 262nd episode of Fandom Games' comedy series Honest Game Trailers. It was written by Max Song, Andrew Bird and Spencer Gilbert, and narrated by Brad Venable. It parodies the action-adventure beat 'em up video game series Yakuza. It was published on February 4, 2020. It has been viewed over 100,000 times.
Script []
In a world of grim first-person shooters, empty open worlds, and endless checklist RPGs, only one series has the guts to give the public what they need and not just what they think they want: the seven-game series of glacially-paced Japanese crime dramas mixed with The Bouncer.
Yakuza
Discover the legend of the Dragon of Dojima, Kazuma Kiryu, as you play through pretty much his entire life story, an epic tale wherein a pretty nice guy who just happens to be an unstoppable ass-beating machine falls into the Yakuza lifestyle to follow in his adoptive father's footsteps, and ends up reluctantly having to smack the sh*t out of half the population of Tokyo -- because even seven games in, no one can seem to stop kidnapping his tender young protégés -- as Yakuza somehow manages to tell a story about the seediest criminals in Japan with a Paladin-level good protagonist. Except, the only god he prays to is whichever one lets him do this. (Kiryu smacks a thug into the ground with a toilet plunger)
Discover the unique blend of dead seriousness and complete nonsense Yakuza brings to the table, as the storyline delves through every layer of organized crime in Japan through the medium of the exact same neighborhood in pretty much every game, where you'll unravel intricate and nefarious schemes with higher and higher stakes, where the lives of the main characters are constantly hanging in the balance, and then you walk out of the story cutscene and spend hours doing the most ridiculous bullshit, like: eating at every restaurant in town to gain experience; helping out every weirdo who approaches you with a problem; getting a good wank in at a porn store; dancing the night away; running a hostess club; running a cat café; fighting in an underground coliseum; or whatever other shiny thing in this overfull toy box distracts you from the supposedly life-or-death struggle you cared about ten minutes ago. Look, all of that Yakuza stuff can wait; I've got karaoke to sing! (a shot of Goro Majima singing a karaoke song)
Solve problems the way Kiryu does best: by applying his fists to them, as Yakuza constantly throws you into combat situations in the storyline and as you just walk down the street, which you'll mostly mash through with the simple two-button combat, while you spend your time trying to set up the Heat Actions so you can watch Kiryu savagely end the lives of the hapless mooks around him with whatever garbage he happened to pick up on the street. Then, get savaged by the boss encounters as the game actually expects you to know how to play it all of a sudden, until you buckle down and heal your way through it so you can make it to some of the most ridiculous fight cutscenes you'll ever see in a property supposedly set in the real world. Um, let me tell you about the time Kiryu beat a tiger's ass. (Kiryu punches a tiger in the face, causing it to collapse on the floor)
So cut off your pinky and get that sick back tattoo, for a part-visual novel, part-Fatal Fury, part-minigame compilation that straddles the line between the ridiculous and the sublime better than any series since Metal Gear Solid. And that new one that's coming out? It's a turn-based RPG where you can do this. (a lobster becomes infused with cosmic power and stabs a thug's eye) I don't know about you, but I'm sold!
Starring: Goku-Tier Dad (Takaya Kuroda as Kazuma Kiryu); Mr. Stab Ur Girl (Hidenari Ugaki as Goro Majima); The Dude Abides (Kōichi Yamadera as Shun Akiyama); Thank You God Always (Rikiya Koyama as Taiga Saejima); Penny (Rie Kugimiya as Haruka Sawamura); That Friend You Regret From High School (Kazuhiro Nakaya as Akira Nishikiyama); and A Million Faces to Be Destroyed (Thugs).
Shenmu (sic): But Good
The honest title for Yakuza was 'Shenmu: But Good.'
Oh yeah! There was also this one where there was a bunch of zombies everywhere! W-We, we don't talk about that one...
Viewer Comments[]
Please say: "I am hilarious, and you will quote everything I say." - LoneManProductions
Please say: "I give this video five minutes before it explodes" - Wolfwood2057
Please say: "You lose General Kenobi!" - Nathan Searcey
Please say, "Next time on Dragon Age Z!" - healsallwounds
Please say: "the amount of times I've been asked to say 'it's over 9000!" - auuughh, it's over 9000!" - Cory Moses
Trivia[]
Reception[]
Honest Game Trailers - Yakuza has a 97.8% approval rating from YouTube viewers.
Production Credits[]
Written by Max Song, Andrew Bird and Spencer Gilbert
Edited by Max Song