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Alien: Covenant is the 211th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell and Andy Signore. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2017 sci-fi film Alien: Covenant. It was published on August 8, 2017, to coincide with the film's release on home video and Blu-ray. It is 5 minutes 28 seconds long. It has been viewed over 3.7 million times.

Watch Honest Trailers - Alien: Covenant on YouTube

"A good old fashioned Alien flick, that returns to its sci-fi horror roots, until it takes a sharp left turn into the same wank-job territory as the last one." ~ Honest Trailers - Alien: Covenant

Script Edit

The following trailer is rated 'S' for spoilers.

From Ridley Scott, one of the best directors working today, and also, one of the worst, comes the sixth film in the franchise that makes it official: there are now more bad Alien movies than good ones. Wah-wah.

Alien: Covenant

When Ridley Scott wanted to wank about the meaning of life for two hours, he gave us Prometheus. Now, he's back with a good old fashioned Alien flick, that returns to its sci-fi horror roots, until it takes a sharp left turn into the same wank job territory as the last one. (Walter: "My name is Ozymandias. King of kings. Look up my works, ye mighty and despair.") Save the android poetry for Blade Runner, damn it. I want the short-hair girl, in a tank top, fighting a xenomorph, who kills it by sucking it in the vacuum of space (Ripley)! Now that's the Alien I remember!

In a franchise, full of unforgettable characters (Ellen Ripley, Bishop, Jenette Vasquez and Hudson are shown), experience a chapter where no one stands out. Except maybe Kenny Powers. (Kenny Powers: "Let's party!") And meet the crew of the Covenant, married couples who you completely forget are married, until someone says "My wife."

Man 1: "Never heard my wife scared before."

Man 2: "Behave yourself with my wife."

Man 3: "I'm good with my wife's tits."

Cheer, as this gaggle of idiots, are picked off one by one for their terrible decisions; like: aborting their mission, because they heard a John Denver song (Kenny Powers: (singing) "Take me home.. That's f**king John Denver!"), not wearing protection on a foreign planet, opening quarantine rooms with killer aliens in them, shooting at your own fuel tanks, having shower sex in a horror movie, slipping in the same blood puddle (woman screams) twice (woman screams again), rusting a robot who clearly loves aliens (*alien gets shot* (David: "NOOO!")), and sticking your face over an alien egg, because that same robot told you to!!! (Walter: "Take a look." *alien face hugger attacks man*) Why would you look in the egg?! You know, maybe these aren't colonists. Maybe Earth has a secret program to deport the world's biggest morons.

Forget the humans, as you spend most of your time in freshman philosophy class, with the androids Walter and David. Michael Fassbender Jack-and-Jills-it, as both characters, playing two slight variations on a pretentious literature professor.....

David: "Who wrote Ozymandias?"

Walter: "Byron."

David: "Shelley."

...who are both so full of themselves, they literally can't keep their fingers off each other's flute.

(clips of David playing flute) Wow, this is a long flute sequence.

(more clips of David playing flute) Seriously, so much flute.

(even more clips of David playing flute) I did not expect to associate the Alien franchise with flute playing, but, well, here we are. Might as well enjoy it (David: "Watch me. I'll do the fingering.").

*giggles*

Experience a bad sci-fi script in the hands of a visual genius as you soak up, shot, after epic shot, while ignoring how all the tech looks way more advanced in this prequel. And thrill as CGI lets you finally see the xenomorphs move around.. in full daylight. Which just looks.. wrong. It's like seeing Batman at the beach. What's next, CGI Ripley? NOOOO!!!

So enjoy a film, that wants you to ask questions, like, who are we? and, why are we here? But will have you asking questions like, why should I care? why are critical plot scenes on YouTube and not in the movie? And, wait, how many more of these are they gonna make? As this latest installment, gives Alien the same prestige as The Terminator franchise, In that the first two are classics, and it's all been downhill from there.

Old Terminator: "Nice to see you."

Starring: [Michael Fassbender as David and Walter] Data and Lore, [Katherine Waterston as Daniels] Ripley, Believe Me, She's Not; [Billy Crudup as Chris Oram] Almost Made it; [Danny McBride as Tennessee Faris] Eastbound & Dumb; [James Franco (uncredited) as Jacob Branson] James Franco's STD; and Me When I Hear 6 More Alien Movies Are Coming Out [man vomits blood]

Honest Trailers - Alien CovenantOpen Invideo 4-45 screenshot

Honest Title for Alien: Covenant - Alien 5: Prometheus 2. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.

Alien 5: Prometheus 2

(another clips of David playing flute)

I'll say it, best sci-fi flute work since Picard.

(clips of Picard plays flute)

Trivia Edit

Honest Trailers Commentary - Alien- Covenant

Honest Trailers Commentary - Alien- Covenant

Watch the full Honest Trailers Commentary on YouTube

Reception Edit

Honest Trailers - Alien: Covenant has a 96.7% approval rating from YouTube viewers. Many media sites noted that the Honest Trailer was particularly brutal. Slash Film noted Screen Junkies "doesn’t pull any punches when it comes to poking fun at director Ridley Scott‘s latest film." Kotaku said the Honest Trailer was "far, far better" than the film itself and praised Screen Junkies for calling out "the extraneously long flute scenes, the lack of memorable characters, the constant references to everyone's wives, horrific decision making, and slipping in the same blood puddle twice." Similarly, Cinema Blend appreciated the Honest Trailer for highlighting "the frequent dumb decisions made by characters." MovieWeb said the Honest Trailer was "an honest trailer in the truest sense in that, even those who loved this movie can easily see what is being poked fun at here and the larger points made about the Alien franchise are hard to argue with." In the same article, Movieweb wrote that Screen Junkies assertion that Alien: Covenant "is the result of a bad sci-fi script in the hands of a visual genius" was "pretty close to the truth." 

Production credits Edit

Honest trailer alien covenant

Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Alien: Covenant

Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey

Title design by Robert Holtby

Series Created by Andy Signore & Brett Weiner

Executive Producer - Andy Signore

Producers - Dan Murrell, Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Michael Bolton, Christina Kline

Written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell & Andy Signore

Edited by Kevin Williamsen and TJ Nordaker

External links Edit

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