Alien: Covenant is the 211th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell and Andy Signore. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2017 sci-fi film Alien: Covenant. It was published on August 8, 2017, to coincide with the film's release on home video and Blu-ray. It is 5 minutes 28 seconds long. It has been viewed over 3.7 million times.
Watch Honest Trailers - Alien: Covenant on YouTube
"When Ridley Scott wanted to wank about the meaning of life for two hours, he gave us Prometheus; now, he's back with a good, old-fashioned Alien flick, that returns to its sci-fi horror roots, until it takes a sharp left turn into the same wank-job territory as the last one." ~ Honest Trailers - Alien: Covenant
Script[]
The following trailer is rated S for Spoilers.
From Ridley Scott, one of the best directors working today (shows the posters for Black Hawk Down, Matchstick Men, American Gangster, and The Martian), and also one of the worst (shows the posters for A Good Year, Robin Hood (2010), The Counselor, and Exodus: Gods and Kings), comes the sixth film in the franchise that makes it official: there are now more bad Alien movies than good ones. (shows the "good" movies (Alien and Aliens) in one column and the "bad" movies (Alien 3, Alien Resurrection, and this film) in another) Wah-waaah...
Alien: Covenant
When Ridley Scott wanted to wank about the meaning of life for two hours, he gave us Prometheus; now, he's back with a good, old-fashioned Alien flick, that returns to its sci-fi horror roots, until it takes a sharp left turn into the same wank-job territory as the last one.
David: "'My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'"
Save the android poetry for Blade Runner, dammit; I want the short-haired girl, in a tank top, fighting a Xenomorph, who kills it by sucking it into the vacuum of space! (shows a Xenomorph being pushed by terraforming equipment into space) Now, that's the Alien I remember! (shows clips of Xenomorphs being ejected into space in Alien, Aliens, and Alien Resurrection)
In a franchise full of unforgettable characters (shows Ripley, Bishop, Vasquez, and Hudson), experience a chapter where no one stands out, except maybe Kenny Powers...
Tennessee: Let's party. (laughs)
...and meet the crew of the Covenant, married couples who you'll completely forget are married until someone says "my wife".
Tennessee: Never heard my wife scared before.
Oram: Behave yourself with my wife.
Ricks: I'm good with my wife's tits.
Cheer as this gaggle of idiots are picked off one-by-one for their terrible decisions, like... aborting their mission because they heard a John Denver song...
Tennessee: (singing) "Take me home"... / (chuckles) That's f*ckin' John Denver.
...not wearing protection on a foreign planet; opening quarantine rooms with killer aliens in them; shooting at your own fuel tanks (shows Faris accidentally shooting her dropship's fuel tanks, causing it to explode); having shower sex in a horror movie (shows Upworth looking at a Xenomorph kill Ricks while showering); slipping in the same blood puddle (shows Karine slipping in a puddle of blood), twice (shows Faris slipping in the puddle of blood while accidentally firing her shotgun); trusting a robot who clearly loves aliens...
David: (after seeing Oram kill a Neomorph while attempting to communicate with it) NOOOOO!!
...and sticking your face over an alien egg, because THAT SAME ROBOT TOLD YOU TO!
David: Take a look. (shows Oram getting attacked by a Facehugger)
WHY WOULD YOU LOOK IN THE EGG?! You know, maybe these aren't colonists; maybe Earth has a secret program to deport the world's biggest morons.
Forget the humans, as you spend most of your time in freshman philosophy class, with the androids Walter and David; Michael Fassbender Jack and Jills it as both characters, playing two slight variations on a pretentious literature professor...
Walter: Who wrote "Ozymandias"?
David: Byron.
Walter: Shelley.
...who are both so full of themselves, they literally can't keep their fingers off each other's flute. (shows David helping Walter play the flute) Wow, this is a long flute sequence. (shows Walter playing the flute by himself) Seriously... so much flute. (shows Walter finding David playing the flute) ...I did not expect to associate the Alien franchise with flute-playing, but, well, here we are; might as well enjoy it.
David: Watch me. I'll do the fingering.
(snorts, then chuckles)
Experience a bad sci-fi script in the hands of a visual genius, as you soak up shot after epic shot, while ignoring how all the tech looks way more advanced in this prequel (shows some analog technology in Alien compared to the more modernized technology in this film), and thrill as CGI lets you finally see the Xenomorphs move around... in full... daylight, which just looks... wrong; it's like seeing Batman at the beach. What's next? CGI Ripley?
Interviewer: Doing Sigourney Weaver younger with digital techniques?
Ridley Scott: So that may be feasible.
NOOOO!!
So enjoy a film that wants you to ask questions like "Who are we?" and "Why are we here?", but will have you asking questions like "Why should I care?", "Why are critical plot scenes on YouTube and not in the movie?" (pulls up a 20th Century Fox YouTube video with the title "Alien: Covenant | Prologue: The Crossing | 20th Century FOX"), and "Wait, how many more of these are they going to make?" (a Polygon article with the title "Ridley Scott has six more Alien movies in him, could start filming next year" pops up), as this latest installment gives Alien the same prestige as the Terminator franchise, in that the first two are classics (shows the posters for The Terminator and Terminator 2: Judgment Day), and it's all been downhill from there.
Pops (Terminator Genisys): (after crashing through a police car's front windshield) Nice to see you.
Starring: Data and Lore (Michael Fassbender as David 8 and Walter One); Ripley, Believe Me, She's Not (Katherine Waterston as Daniels "Danny"); Almost Made It (Billy Crudup as Christopher "Chris" Oram); Eastbound & Dumb (Danny McBride as Tennessee); James Franco's STD (James Franco as Jacob Branson); and Me When I Hear 6 More Alien Movies are Coming Out (shows Hallett vomiting copious amounts of blood from his mouth as he gives birth to a Neomorph).
Alien 5: Prometheus 2
Honest Title for Alien: Covenant - Alien 5: Prometheus 2. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
(shows Walter playing the flute again) I'll say it: best sci-fi flute work since Picard. (shows Captain Picard playing the flute on Star Trek: The Next Generation)
Trivia[]
Honest Trailers Commentary - Alien- Covenant
- The writers said that while they didn't think this was a great Alien movie, it wasn't as bad as other people made it out to be. They noted they have lowered their expectations going into this franchise because of its patchy track record.
- Screen Junkies have also produced Honest Trailers for several other science-fiction films including Ghost in the Shell, Inception, The Matrix, Blade Runner, Aliens, Avatar, Jurassic Park, Jurassic World, Predator and many more. See list of Honest Trailers for more.
Watch the full Honest Trailers Commentary on YouTube
Reception[]
Honest Trailers - Alien: Covenant has a 96.7% approval rating from YouTube viewers. Many media sites noted that the Honest Trailer was particularly brutal. Slash Film noted Screen Junkies "doesn’t pull any punches when it comes to poking fun at director Ridley Scott‘s latest film." Kotaku said the Honest Trailer was "far, far better" than the film itself and praised Screen Junkies for calling out "the extraneously long flute scenes, the lack of memorable characters, the constant references to everyone's wives, horrific decision making, and slipping in the same blood puddle twice." Similarly, Cinema Blend appreciated the Honest Trailer for highlighting "the frequent dumb decisions made by characters." MovieWeb said the Honest Trailer was "an honest trailer in the truest sense in that, even those who loved this movie can easily see what is being poked fun at here and the larger points made about the Alien franchise are hard to argue with." In the same article, Movieweb wrote that Screen Junkies assertion that Alien: Covenant "is the result of a bad sci-fi script in the hands of a visual genius" was "pretty close to the truth."
Production credits[]
Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Alien: Covenant
Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey
Title design by Robert Holtby
Series Created by Andy Signore & Brett Weiner
Executive Producer - Andy Signore
Producers - Dan Murrell, Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Michael Bolton, Christina Kline
Written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell & Andy Signore
Edited by Kevin Williamsen and TJ Nordaker
External links[]
- Alien: Covenant Honest Trailer Goes Savage on Ridley Scott Bomb - MovieWeb article
- Honest Trailers Wrecks Alien: Covenant - Kotaku article
- 'Alien: Covenant' Honest Trailer Can't Get Over Michael Fassbender's Flute - The Hollywood Reporter article
- Alien: Covenant's Honest Trailer Points Out How Ridiculous The Characters Were - CinemaBlend article
- ‘Alien: Covenant’ Honest Trailer: Save the Android Poetry for ‘Blade Runner’ Slash Film article