Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania is the 492nd episode of the Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford, and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2023 superhero film Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania. It was published on April 25, 2023. It is 6 minutes and 6 seconds long. It has been viewed over 100,000 times.
Script[]
From the anarcho-communists sending hidden messages to children that only your most conservative uncle can decipher (Walt Disney Pictures), and the director (Peyton Reed) of Back to the Future: The Ride (plays a clip from the aforementioned ride), comes a sequel that ditches the low-stakes appeal of Ant-Man, in favor of an infinite loop of Kang movies. (shows the Council of Kangs) So... Jonathan Majors plays all of them? Too late to change that in post, huh? Cool, cool, cool.
Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania
In a world where the same effects team has to balance this and Wakanda Forever at the same time (a Movieweb article with the title "Ant-Man 3 VFX Suffered in Favor of Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, Report Reveals" pops up), comes a theatrically-released collection of storyboards, where every actor looks copy-pasted into their scenes (shows Scott and Cassie running from a giant amoeba), reacts to absolutely nothing real (montage of characters staring in awe at CG imagery), and wanders around a stomach-churning world of reddish-brown pond water. (shows Scott and Cassie running from Kang's forces) They spent $200 million on this, and it still looks like Gritty's colonoscopy!
Scott Lang is a famous author now... or at least, famous enough to leave all his day-one homies behind.
Luis: (as Scott drives their van in reverse) Back it up.
Scott: Yeah.
Luis: Back it up.
Scott: Okay.
Luis: (stammers) We just back it up, okay?
Dave: That's it.
Luis: Back it up.
Now, he just wants to be a good dad, because hopefully, the third Cassie's the charm. (shows Abby Ryder Fortson, Emma Fuhrmann, and Kathryn Newton as Cassie Lang) Cassie Lang is the MCU's fifth canonical child science genius (shows Peter Parker, Shuri, Riri Williams, and Harley Keener)...
Hank: Your daughter built a subatomic Hubble Telescope in a basement.
...doing what any girl her age would do in San Francisco: woke stuff.
Scott: You shrank a cop car?
Cassie: What was I supposed to do? Look the other way?
Hope has returned with nothing new to offer besides her tactical Hobbit hair; Janet van Dyne is back... to vaguely hint at all the quantum sex she had in the Quantum Realm...
Hank: I had no idea...
Janet: I know. It's... We'll talk later.
Hope: --she... never said anything about you.
Lord Krylar: Well, I don't think I would have told my kid either. (chuckles) Wild stuff.
Janet: I had needs.
Hope: Oh, my God.
...and Michael Douglas is never too stoned to wander around and talk about ants for a paycheck.
Hank: Science. With ants. Ant science.
<sigh> This just makes me nostalgic for that Ant-Man 1 promo.
Michael Douglas: (as he and Paul Rudd slap their knees) Ants! Ants!
Paul Rudd: Ant-Man!
Truly the most honest trailer of them all...
Journey into the Quantum Realm, and join our heroes on a desperate search for a reason to make more MCU movies, as we all trudge through a half-assed orb heist fetch quest that's just an excuse to set up the next big villain: "him".
Lord Krylar: You left... all of us. With him.
Jentorra: --he's looking for you.
They are talking about Kang, right?
M.O.D.O.K.: Not from me. And not from him. He is the future.
Yeah, we met him in Loki; you don't have to be coy about the name.
M.O.D.O.K.: All... for him.
It's not a big reveal! He told us who he was! He's in the cold open! <sigh> Whatever. Jonathan Majors dusts off his best "Shakespeare in the Park" voice...
Kang: That's what conquerors do.
...as this once-powerful being who refuses to accept he's been canceled...
Kang: It's never... over.
...and chews scenery like a guy who knows that he's going away for a while, so he better stretch each line as long as possible.
Janet: What are you going to do?
Kang: (stays silent for ten whole seconds)
Aaand... time.
Kang: Win.
Along for the ride are enough kooky aliens to let you know a Rick and Morty guy wrote this one, too (shows the posters for Loki, Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, this film, Avengers: The Kang Dynasty, and Avengers: Secret Wars, all written by Michael Waldron and Jeff Loveness), with new characters like Captain Obvious...
Quaz: Everyone... is disgusting.
...Bill Murray trying to be the fun cameo that Jeff Goldblum was, but trends closer to another Ralph Bohner...
"Pietro": "Bohner". (chuckles)
...and the not-ready-for-primetime M.O.D.O.K., a floating joke with a grave warning for Illumination Studios: Do not even think about making a live-action Minions movie! (shows a yellow-colored M.O.D.O.K. as a voice clip from a Minion plays)
So while spending time with the ageless(?) Paul Rudd is always a treat, settle in for a universe that's gotten so big, it's starting to collapse under its own weight, that should've kept Ant-Man as the refreshing after-dinner mint, instead of a dense lore salad to prop up the next 30 of these dumb things. <sigh> Can we just skip to the new Fantastic Four? I'd rather watch Luis recap the rest of Phase 5.
Luis: Well, see, that's complicated, 'cause when I--
Starring: Small Rudd (Paul Rudd as Scott Lang/Ant-Man); Hope Floats (Evangeline Lilly as Hope van Dyne/Wasp); The Masked Stinger (Kathryn Newton as Cassie Lang); Ant-Man Original Recipe (Michael Douglas as Dr. Hank Pym); Gnatwoman (Michelle Pfeiffer as Janet van Dyne); Kanger Issues (Jonathan Majors as Kang the Conqueror); The Mid Place (William Jackson Harper as Quaz); Kirby's Sneezeland (David Dastmalchian as Veb); (in a Don Pardo impression) Lord Krylar, with Musical Guest, Ants! (Bill Murray as Lord Krylar); Daft Punk are Henchmen at My House, My House (Kang's minions); Broccoli Rob (???); AAAAAH!! (Corey Stoll as Darren Cross/M.O.D.O.K.); and Mr. E from the Band Eels, Because His Real-Life Dad Invented Multiverse Theory. (shows Mark Oliver Everett's cameo alongside the cover to The Many Worlds of Hugh Everett III by Peter Byrne) Sad That's the Most Mind-Blowing Thing in a 200 Million Dollar Movie.
The Itty Bitty Witty Committee
The honest title for Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania was ‘The Itty Bitty Witty Committee’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
Veb: How many holes do you have?
Quaz: He has seven holes.
Veb: <GASP!>
W-Wait, are we sure there's seven? I think that eyeholes would count, no? Do the mouth and butthole count as one for being connected? What about the separate peehole for girls? Ugh, f*ck you for making me do hole math!
Viewer's Comments[]
Say subscribe - soldier guy
Say, "Drink the ooooooze" from Ant-Man. - Chris P
Say: "If you need to spew, spew into this..." - Raptor Bacon
Please say: "Whopper, Whopper, Whopper, Whopper" - MrGUnit27
For my friends in Warcraft, please say in your epic voice "I am Rodney Moteasa from the Earl Grey Tribe Of the Congo!" - Fatalroadie
Trivia[]
Reception[]
Production Credits[]
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Written by: Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford, Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen
Post-Production Supervisor: Emin Bassavand
Post-Production Coordinator: Mikołaj Kossakowski
Assistant Editor: Rebecca Castaneda
Director of Video Production: Max Dionne
