FANDOM


Batman Returns is the 305th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the DC superhero movie Batman Returns. The video is 5 minutes 38 seconds long. It was published on July 23, 2019, as part of Blockbuster Summer. It has been viewed over 1.6 million times.

Watch Honest Trailers - Batman Returns on YouTube

"All the Burtonicities you know and love, plus a dash of Frank Miller grit, a touch of Adam West silliness and two scoops of the Batman Triple X porn parody!" ~ Honest Trailers - Batman Returns

Script Edit

Before he "Reeves," but before he "rose," and even before he "and Robinned," Batman re-turned in....

It's Batman Returns you guys...

After Tim Burton did Warners a solid by making Batman cool again, they're let him get his freak on in the sequel with all the Burtonicities you know and love, plus a dash of Frank Miller grit, a touch of Adam West silliness and two scoops of the Batman Triple X porn parody! [shows Penguin and Selina Kyle saying sexual phrases] Hey creep! Children are watching this movie, about a violent billionaire, who beats up poor people, and by “beats up”, I mean kills. [shows a guy exploding] He’ll be fine?

You think this is a Batman movie? Think again. Because he is not in it very much. [shows list of Batman - Screen Time (minutes), highlights “Batman Returns - 31:15”] Michelle Pfeiffer stars as Selina Kyle, a strong confident woman. Buuuut... only after a traumatic brain injury. [shows Selina getting thrown out the window] And when her corpse gets bitten by a radioactive cat or something, she’ll become Catwoman.

Selina Kyle/Catwoman: ”I am Catwoman, hear me roar.”

An anti-hero who loves licking, lounging, and long drawn-out gymnastics routines. [shows Catwoman doing front handsprings] Man, she‘s so good in this. Can we get a solo Catwoman movie, please? [shows Catwoman (2004)] No no no. I take it back! I take it back!

Tired of comic book movies where the whole universe is at stake? Return to the glory days, when heroes fought over what really matters. Local. Municipal. Politics. Watch Bruce Wayne engage in a proxy war, over electing a new mayor who will grant a rival billionaire some construction permits or something? [shows Bruce Wayne and The Mayor talking construction and business] Ugh, almost makes you miss a sky beam. But, where the plot stumbles, the villains personalities shine as Christopher Walken earns the title of cinemas second best Shrek, and Danny DeVito brings a manic unhinged fury to The Penguin. [shows The Penguin biting a guys nose off] a mutant with a wide arsenal of umbrellas, and an even wider arsenal of disturbing little grunt noises. [shows clips of The Penguin grunting] are real penguins this nasty? Did Morgan Freeman lie to us? [March of The Penguins]

But, there’s gotta be some Batman in this Batman movie somewhere. And when Bruce Wayne isn’t snacking in front of a TV or begging the world to learn his secret identity, he’ll hit the streets to bust some heads. Whether they’re clowns, clowns on stilts, clowns with machine guns, or slowly advanced karate clowns, no clown is safe from Batman’s vengeance. Wait, so let me get this straight. The Penguin gets penguins and a clown army, and The Joker gets Bob?

The Joker: “You.. Are My Number 1... Guy.”

That’s fair.

So, suit up with the film that changed the course of the Bat-franchise, by grossing out the sponsors so much, they gave the next two movies to Joel Schumacher, the man everyone hates for making Batman too kinky, too jokey, and just way too campy. It’s like he just didn’t respect the source material, ya know? Batman has always been serious business you guys. SERIOUS. BUSINESS.

Starring: The Bat-Chelor [Michael Keaton as Bruce Wayne/Batman]; Cat Scratch Pfeiffer [Michelle Pfeiffer as Selina Kyle/Catwoman]; Love, Batually [shows Bruce and Selina]; The Toxic Avenger [Danny DeVito as The Penguin] *Christopher Walken Noises* [Christopher Walken as Max Shreck]; Funeral March of The Penguins [shows five penguins laying Penguin's lifeless body to rest]; A Posse of Insane Clowns [shows clown goons]; Adopt, Don’t Shop [shows Bruce Wayne with a cat]; and Who Needs A Catwoman When You’ve Got Yourself a Catty Man [shows Michael Gough as Alfred Pennyworth being catty]
Honest Trailers Batman Returns Open Invideo 5-10 screenshot

The honest title for Batman Returns was 'The Dark Knightmare Before Christmas.' Titles designed by Robert Holtby.

The Dark Knightmare Before Christmas

Bra-vas to the actor [Andrew Bryniarski] playing Walken’s son [Charles “Chip” Shreck] for doing a Walken impression to his face.

 Trivia Edit

Honest Trailers Commentary - Batman Returns

Honest Trailers Commentary - Batman Returns

Watch the full Honest Trailers Commentary on YouTube

Reception Edit

Honest Trailers - Batman Returns has a 97.0% approval rating from YouTube viewers.

 Production credits Edit

Honest trailer batman returns

Video thumbnail for Honest Trailer - Batman Returns.

Epic Voice Guy: Jon Bailey

Title Design by Robert Holtby

Written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell, Danielle Radford & Lon Harris

Produced by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr & Max Dionne

Edited by Kevin Williamsen

External links Edit

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.