Bird Box is the 281st episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2018 horror film Bird Box. The video is 4 minutes 28 seconds long. It was published on January 29, 2019, about a month after the release of the film on Netflix. It has been viewed over 1.7 million times.

Watch Honest Trailers - Bird Box on YouTube

"The mediocre film that gave us one good Sandra Bullock performance and a zillion memes that were way more entertaining than the movie itself." ~ Honest Trailers - Bird Box

Script Edit

Based on the book [Bird Box by Josh Malerman] that came out four years before A Quiet Place, Netflix invites you to wonder, 'What if A Quiet Place was bad?" [Douglas: (inebriated) "All of us are making the end of the world great again!"]. Ugh!

Bird Box

Feast your eyes of the scariest movie that sounds like a monthly subscription to low-cal snack food. And experience a horror film told along two different timelines, where one is a tense survival tale set in the post-apocalypse, while the other is a cross between The Happening and the first act of every zombie movie [Felix: "We are so f***ing f***ed"]. And you better believe that's where you'll spend most of the run-time [(Sitting in the house) Tom: "We were stationed at this village, ordered to patrol the streets, make sure everybody was safe."]. Oh! couldn't Netflix put the Bandersnatch tech in this one? [A black bar appears at the bottom of the screen, 'Sit in house' appears selected on the left, 'Danger river adventure' is unselected on the right. A hand-shaped cursor attempt to click 'Danger river adventure' to no avail] Come on! Go back to the river! [Clicks repeatedly] Why isn't this working?! [Keeps clicking]

Sandra Bullock stars as a woman trying to escape her horse girl past [Jessica: "So at three o'clock I'm gonna go check out an Arabian stud in Sausalito. Malorie: "I can cancel the appointment and we can go see a horse." Jessica: It would be great to be a horse."]. She's a mom who'll do anything to protect her kids from physical harm [Malorie thrashes wildly at The River Man with a machete], but is pretty chill with emotional trauma [Malorie: "Do not take your blindfolds off. Do not." Malorie: "Do exactly what I say or you die. Do you understand me?" Malorie: "Say it! Say it! Save yourself!" Malorie: "I will hurt you."]. When the apocalypse strikes, she'll learn to be less of an a-hole, and fight to protect others -- even though the film punishes everyone who tries to be a good person [Jessica steps into the path of a speeding truck]. and the jerks get off scot-free. So just like real life then? Gotcha.

Don't take off that blindfold or you'll fall prey to unnamed, unseen monsters. Because these mysterious beings will make you kill yourself by showing you stuff... from your past... I think? Unless you have a mental illness, in which case you become a crazed murderer [The River Man: "Take your blindfold off!"].... or a remarkably under control murderer? [Gary calmly opens a blind]. Alright. But either way, these monsters can't or won't go indoors -- even though they can clearly move things. Or maybe they're made of wind?Aand I guess there are threat even when you can't see them? (Sighs) They should have just stuck with the original design [shot of unused monster prosthetic]. Oh no! My greatest fear! The old dancing man from the Six Flags commercials! (Epic Voice Guy sings along sadly to the ad's upbeat techno music, then sobs. Stabbing sounds. Epic Voice Guy chokes).

So if you're ready for the second most talked about suicide forest video of 2018 [news article about Logan Paul apologizing for his Aokigahara forest video], get in on the mediocre film that gave us one good Sandra Bullock performance [Malorie: "Don't take my children! Do not take my children!"] and a zillion memes that were way more entertaining than the movie itself [images of memes], prompting Netflix to ask viewers to stop doing their own Bird Box challenges because, as we all know, they hate it when someone blind does something exceptional [clip from Netflix's Daredevil TV series. news article reports the series has been cancelled, despite high viewership]. Wah-wah.

Starring: [Sandra Bullock as Malorie] Always Mind the Bullocks; [Trevante Rhodes as Tom] Thank God Protein Powder Survived the Apocalypse; [John Malkovich as Douglas] Cyrus the Jerkass; [Lil Rel Howery as Charlie] Get In; [BD Wong as Greg] Welcome To My House, Help Me Keep These Ghouls Out. I Don't Want To Look Now, But Our Food's Gonna Ru-u-un Out...; [Machine Gun Kelly as Felix] Pete Davidson; [Vivien Lyra Blair as Girl] Little Miss Shush Hide; [Julian Edwards as Boy] Atreus (Malorie: "Boy, you have your dog." Kratos from God of War video game: "Turn away boy." Malorie: "Boy, keep your blindfold on!" Kratos: "Wait for me, boy!" Malorie: "Boy." Kratos: "Boy." Malorie: "Boy." Kratos: "Boy." Malorie: "Boy." Kratos: "Boy."); and, The Last Level of Oregon Trail (split screen showing a boat travelling through rapids in Bird Box, and a pixelated raft on the river from the DOS computer game, The Oregon Trail)

Honest Trailers - Bird BoxOpen Invideo 3-56 screenshot

Honest title for Bird Box - It's Some Birds in a Box. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.

It's Some Birds In A Box 

[Malorie gives strawberry Pop Tarts to Boy and Girl] Malorie: "This is what strawberry tastes like."

Look, I love Pop Tarts as much the next guy, but please don't lie to your children.

Trivia Edit

Honest Trailers Commentary - Bird Box

Honest Trailers Commentary - Bird Box

Watch the full Honest Trailer Commentary on YouTube

Reception Edit

Honest Trailers - Bird Box has a 97.5% approval rating from YouTube viewers. called the Honest Trailer "hilariously brutal" and highlighted the way "the trailer also pokes fun at the ambiguity of the film’s creatures." In the same article, wrote, "The best moment might be when they refer to Machine Gun Kelly as Pete Davidson. That's a comparison we're definitely going to be thinking about for a while. Comparing the intense river ending to the last level of Oregon Trail was also a gut-buster." Bloody Disgusting also appreciated the Honest Trailer's pop culture references, writing "the Honest Trailer plunges deep into comedy and kills me with the comparison to God of War‘s Atreus and even Oregon Trail."

In their write-up on the Honest Trailer, Screen Rant noted "the Honest Trailer for the film doesn’t mince words, straight up labeling the film mediocre, but held together by Sandra Bullock’s lead performance." Screen Rant also highlighted several of the Honest Trailer's criticisms, including "the movie’s habit of punishing characters for heroic deeds," and "the amount of emotional trauma Bullock’s tough love parenting is inflicting on her children."

Mily Dunbar of Geek Tyrant praised the Honest Trailers series more generally, writing "Honest Trailers remains the gold standard in film mockery as far as I am concerned. They always point out the good – Sandra Bullock’s performance, memes – while skewering the bad – everything else – in a way that is fun rather than mean-spirited or nitpicky."

 Production credits Edit

Honest trailer bird box

Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Bird Box

Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey

Title Design: Robert Holtby

Written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr, Lon Harris

Produced by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr & Max Dionne

Edited by Kevin Williamsen and TJ Nordaker

Assistant Editor: Emin Bassavand

External links Edit

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