Black Widow is the 406th episode of the Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Logan Rees, Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2021 superhero film Black Widow. It was published on July 20, 2021. It is 5 minutes and 57 seconds long. It has been viewed over 1.8 million times.
Script[]
She helped Tony get his mojo back, helped Bruce reconnect with his humanity, helped Cap find his true purpose, and helped Hawkeye, uh... (shows Natasha falling off the cliff on Vormir) keep being Hawkeye.
Clint: Maybe you want to go talk to him! Okay? Go grab your hammer, and you go fly and you talk to him!
Thor: ...
But now, Natasha finally gets to tell her own story, about the time she helped her own replacement join the MCU.
Yelena: (lands in a similar pose as Natasha and realizes what she just did) Ugh...
Black Widow
You've been waiting to see the MCU's first female superhero get her own movie. (shows the release date change from May 1, 2020 to November 6, 2020) And waiting. (shows the date change again to May 7, 2021) And waiting. (shows the date change again to July 9, 2021) And waiting. But Natasha Romanoff is finally getting the mid-tier solo Marvel movie she deserves, because the ultimate sign of respect in pop culture is getting your chance to keep Important Object X (shows the Black Widow antidote, the Tesseract, the Power Stone, the Helicarrier controller chips, Lawson's engine, and Iron Man's Infinity Gauntlet) out of the hands of Military Leader Y (shows Dreykov, the Red Skull, Ronan the Accuser, Alexander Pierce, Yon-Rogg, and Thanos) by taking down Massive Airship Z. (shows the Red Room, the Valkyrie, the Dark Aster, a Helicarrier, a Kree bomber, and the Sanctuary II getting destroyed) I know Marvel's taking some risks here and there, but this one definitely sticks to the old plan.
Dreykov: So... this was the big plan, huh?
Star-Lord: I like your plan, except it sucks, so let me do the plan.
Captain America: We need a plan of attack!
Iron Man: I have a plan: attack.
Rocket: First of all, you're copying me from when I said I had a plan.
Ned: What about our plan? American bachelors in Europe!
Peter Parker: That's your plan? That's a solo plan! Come on, this is my plan!
Natasha: My plan was to drive us away!
Yelena: That's a sh*t plan.
Get to know the real Natasha Romanoff, a woman struggling to overcome the trauma of being a child actor.
Natasha: I remember this day. We shot Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, and summer vacation all in one day.
She's got nothing but her wits and flips to protect her in a dangerous world of super-spies, although at some point, she entered the cheat code that turns off environmental damage. (montage of times Natasha suffered blows that should have crippled if not outright killed her, with a counter at the top of the number of times she should have died reaching 8)
Red Guardian: What?
And for one scene, she turns into Mega Man, but they never mention it again.
Red Guardian: What?!
Journey to Russia, where everyone speaks with their best... uh, let's call it "Sokovian" accent (?), or just doesn't even try...
Dreykov: (in a wavering Russian accent) How was the family reunion?
-- unless you're actually from Eastern Europe (shows Olga Kurylenko's credit on IMDb), in which case, you are mute -- and meet the surrogate family who raised Black Widow back in her 90's Ghost World phase. There's Red Guardian, David Harbour's latest attempt to hide in a Siberian prison until everyone forgets about the Hellboy remake; Melina, a monster war criminal who tortures pigs (shows Alexei the pig fainting after Melina shuts off his respiratory functions) and played a willing active role in kidnapping little girls and brainwashing them into fembots, but she regrets it, so... no harm, no foul, Mama!
Melina: Take care of yourself, okay?
Natasha: Don't worry. I got this.
...and Yelena, the mischievous little braided-hair sister from Little Women who's now the mischievous little braided-hair sister who's murdered untold hundreds of people.
Yelena: I'm not the killer that little girls call their hero.
I don't know, Yelena; say three cute things about your vest, and I'll take a whole Russian prison's worth of dead bodies off your ledger.
Yelena: It has a lot of pockets.
Natasha: (chuckles)
Yelena: But I use them all the time, and I made some of my own modifications.
Yelena: I know how much you like it.
Natasha: It does have a lot of pockets.
Yelena: Very handy pockets, yeah.
Yelena: It's so cool, right?
Natasha: It's good. Yes. I like it.
Yelena: And you can put so much stuff in there. You wouldn't even know.
Aww, she likes the vest! So cute...
Yelena: (as an avalanche approaches the prison) This would be a cool way to die.
Eh, I'm sure they deserved it.
Thrill at a story that dares to ask, "What if the most powerful force on Earth -- girl power -- fell into the wrong hands?" (a Black Widow shoots herself in the head), as the evil mastermind Harvey Weinstein-- I mean, Dreykov builds a floating fortress that evades detection because... it's cloudy, and uses the power of his colossal stank to keep him safe.
Dreykov: Smelling my pheromones prevents you from committing violence against me.
He's infiltrated the halls of power with a Sister Soldierhood of mind-controlled assassins, and doing his evil bidding is the Taskmaster, a martial artist with the ability to mimic any hero's moves, but none of their personality or charisma...
Black Widow Soldier: (tracing a smile on Taskmaster's mask) Smile.
...because now that Marvel has themselves a Deadpool, someone had to become the Deadpool from Wolverine: Origins.
So if you're looking for a "La Femme Nikita, but a lot", or "What if Charlie's Angels, but evil?", or "What if propaganda was used to twist trafficked young girls towards the nefarious purposes of the rich and powerful, including Bill Clinton and Condoleezza Rice, but, like, could also be a ride at Disneyland?" -- Whee! -- then strap in for a movie that's good at being pretty much everything except a Black Widow solo film.
Starring: Sister, Traitor, Soldier, Spy (Scarlett Johansson as Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow); Florence and the Regime (Florence Pugh as Yelena Belova/Black Widow); Super-Borat (David Harbour as Alexei Shostakov/Red Guardian); The Manservant's Tale (O-T Fagbenle as Rick Mason); Ohh A Weisz Spy, Huh? Whoowoowoowoowoowoop! (Rachel Weisz as Melina Vostokoff/Black Widow); Babe: Pig in the Study (Alexei the pig); Oi Bruv, They Col Me Dreykov Innit? (Ray Winstone as Dreykov); The Hurt Stalker (William Hurt as Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross); The Wint-Her Sold-Her (Olga Kurylenko as Antonia Dreykov/Taskmaster); Mini Jovovich (Ever Anderson as Young Natasha Romanoff); Benes the Menace (Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine); and The Most Brutal Murder in Black Widow's History.
Natasha: (to Rick) You've always been a really good friend to me. (walks away)
In Soviet Russia, M C's U
The honest title for Black Widow was ‘In Soviet Russia, M C's U’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
Wow, I wonder which full-grown adult managed to lose at tic-tac-toe? Hawkeye. Definitely Hawkeye.
Viewer's Comments[]
Say "I only enjoy KRAFT macaroni and cheese ice cream" - Mike Deacon
say "Stupid Sexy Flanders!" - crithon
Trivia[]
Reception[]
Production Credits[]
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Written by: Logan Rees, Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford, & Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert
Associate Producer: Ryan O'Toole
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen & Randy Whitlock
Post-Production Supervisor: Emin Bassavand
Post-Production Coordinator: Mikołaj Kossakowski
Assistant Editor: Rebecca Castaneda
Director of Video Production: Max Dionne
Executive Producer: Roth Cornet
