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Honest Trailer - Blade Runner

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Blade Runner is the 218th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Dan Murrell, Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr and Andy Signore. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 1982 sci-fi film Blade Runner. It was published on October 3, 2017, to coincide with the theatrical release of the sequel Blade Runner 2049. It is 5 minutes 42 seconds long. It has been viewed over 2.3 million times. This video is significant for being the last Honest Trailer published before Andy Signore's termination amidst allegations of sexual misconduct during the #MeToo movement.

Watch Honest Trailers - Blade Runner on YouTube

"That's not how consent works!" ~ Honest Trailers - Blade Runner

Script[]

From the visionary director (Ridley Scott) who only makes big visionary hits (plays clips from Alien, Black Hawk Down, The Martian, and Gladiator)... or big ambitious disasters (plays clips from Prometheus, The Counselor, Exodus: Gods and Kings, and Robin Hood (2010)), comes the clunky Theatrical Cut of his 80's classic, improved by a Director's Cut ten years later, and further refined by his Final Cut (?) in 2007. Uh... we good to go, Ridley? Sure you don't want to go mess with the ending again? Throw the voiceover back in?

Deckard: (narrating) In history books, he's the kind of cop who used to call black men "n*****s".

Ugh... Probably not.

Blade Runner

In 1982, audiences knew Harrison Ford as the charming rogue Han Solo, or the charming rogue Indiana Jones; now, watch him ditch the whole "charming" act, in the grumpiest Harrison Ford performance since any time he's forced to promote a movie.

Chris Heath: This one, 35 years after the original.

Harrison Ford: So what?

Chris Heath: Well, I'm just wondering, what...?

Harrison Ford: You got a problem with that? It's a living.

Meet Deckard, private dick and public jerk, with a serious drinking problem.

Deckard: You want a drink? (takes a sip from a glass) / (to Rachael) Want a drink? I'll get you a drink.

(montage of Deckard drinking whiskey)

Bryant: Drink some for me, huh, pal?

(shows Deckard drinking a cocktail)

He's a blade runner: part bounty hunter (shows Deckard shooting at a fleeing replicant), part awkward psychiatrist.

Deckard: (to Rachael) You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl. / Suddenly you realize there's a wasp crawling on your arm. / The entrée consists of boiled dog.

And as for why that's called a "blade runner"? Shut up; it sounds cool. (shows Leon repeatedly slapping Deckard) He'll struggle with the morality of killing things that seem to be alive, but he won't struggle with the morality of porking them against their will.

Deckard: Say, "Kiss me."

Rachael: ...Kiss me.

"Old Han Solo": That's not how consent works!

Chewbacca: (growls)

Thrill as Deckard hunts robots known as "replicants", soldiers and sexbots built with false memories...

Deckard: (to Rachael) Those aren't your memories. They're somebody else's.

...an upgrade as cruel and pointless as giving your Fleshlight a family history; and witness the breakout performance of Rutger Hauer, a replicant who speaks in monologues the actor wrote himself...

Roy: All those moments will be lost... in time, like tears... in rain.

...literally the only time that's worked since Apocalypse Now.

Col. Walter Kurtz (Apocalypse Now): You're an errand boy... sent by grocery clerks... to collect a bill.

And savor a film that saves its biggest twist for last: Deckard might be a replicant, too... or is he? ...Maybe? It's... pretty subtle, and depends on the cut.

Rachael: Did you ever take that test yourself?

Whatever; everyone acts like a sad robot anyway.

Get ready to think, because this slow-ass movie is going to give you plenty of time for that, as you spend hours staring at old photographs (montage of characters looking at photographs), staring at eyes (montage of eyeball imagery), and staring at Deckard staring out the window of his car. (montage of Deckard looking through his car window) (yawns loudly) What a masterpiece...

Experience a visual masterpiece that influenced countless animes (shows the posters for Armitage III, Ghost in the Shell (1995), Bubblegum Crisis, and Akira), cyberpunk films (shows the posters for Dredd, Strange Days, The Matrix, and Dark City (1998)), and all those times someone says "Enhance." at a screen over and over again (montage of characters from this film, Stargate, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, and Super Troopers saying "Enhance."), 'cause this ain't your daddy's bright and shiny sci-fi (plays a clip from Starcrash); this one has rain, and cigs, and hookers and stuff. And forget about plucky rebels fighting the evil empire; this one's about corporations making your life short and meaningless. And if that's too dark for you... at least the umbrella sticks light up! (shows a crowd of people carrying light-up umbrellas) Ooh, glowy!

So enjoy this story that sees so clearly into the future, predicting our modern anxieties about genetic engineering, corporate ownership, and Ridley Scott's unicorn fetish...

Jack (Legend (1985)): (to the unicorn mare) Forgive me.

...that may not have done well at the box office (shows the film's opening weekend total of only $6,150,002), but broke the all-time record for the number of film geeks insisting it's genius. All right, come on, guys; it looks amazing and all, but this is film noir with robots. If it was perfect, they wouldn't have recut it a hundred times.

Starring: Definitely Shoots First (Harrison Ford as Rick Deckard); Billy Idol (Rutger Hauer as Roy Batty); Finkle is Einhorn! Einhorn is Finkle! (Sean Young as Rachael); Littering (plays clips of Gaff setting down origami animals); Coptain Adama (Edward James Olmos as Gaff); William Ain't Macy (William Sanderson as J.F. Sebastian); 4 Eyes - Err, No Eyes (Joe Turkel as Eldon Tyrell); Sex Machina (Daryl Hannah as Pris Stratton); and Los Angeles, Two Years from Now (shows the film's depiction of a near-future Los Angeles, with fireballs shooting out from towers). Huh; kind of nailed that one.

RoboCop?

for Blade Runner - RoboCop? Titles designed by .

Honest Title for Blade Runner - RoboCop? Titles designed by Robert Holtby.

You know, it's cool Harrison's rebooting all his iconic roles (a MovieWeb article with the title "Harrison Ford Wants to Reboot All of His Classic Movie Franchises" pops up), but there's not much left after Deckard; how long until we get "Re-Witness"? "Re-Regarding Henry"? "Air Force Two"? Actually, I'd totally watch that.

Trivia[]

Honest_Trailers_Commentaries_-_Blade_Runner

Honest Trailers Commentaries - Blade Runner

  • This is Andy Signore's last involvement with the Honest Trailers series. Shortly after the publication of this video, his employment was terminated amidst allegations of sexual misconduct during the #MeToo movement. The Screen Junkies channel didn't put out any new content for three weeks while Screen Junkies employees decided whether they would come back to work at all. 
  • Screen Junkies have used Honest Trailers to call out problematic sexual relationships in several other movies, including: the toxic dynamic of bosses pursuing their subordinates in Love Actually; the problematic nature of of boss/subordinate relationships in Batman: The Killing Joke; the creepiness of Tris's relationship with Four in Divergent because older and also in a position of power over her; Bill Murray's character being a borderline sexual predator in Ghostbusters; the rapey-ness of James Bond in Skyfall; the creepiness of James Bond "porking a widow on the day of her husband's funeral after breaking into her house" in Spectre; the weirdness of an adult having a sexual relationship with a minor in Transformers: Age of Extinction; the fact that Westley is "kind of abusive" to Buttercup in The Princess Bride; the fact that Peter Parker acts like a creepy stalker towards Gwen in The Amazing Spider-Man; the fact that Matt stalks and sexually harasses Electra in Daredevil; the fact that Beast is disturbingly aggressive and controlling towards Belle in Beauty and the Beast; the dubious consent involved in the song "Kiss the Girl" in The Little Mermaid; and many others. See list of Honest Trailers for more.

Watch the full Honest Trailers Commentary on YouTube

Reception[]

Honest Trailers - Blade Runner has a 94.6% approval rating from YouTube viewers. ScreenRant declared the Honest Trailer was "bitingly hilarious." ScreenRant wrote, "The trailer cleverly and caustically points out what even the most diehard Blade Runner fans would have a hard time denying. It's a slowly paced film featuring lots of staring at photographs, TV screens, and eyeballs." ScreenRant also wrote, "the trailer makes a salient point: if Blade Runner were a perfect film, it wouldn't have had to be recut so many times." The Mary Sue appreciated the Honest Trailer for "making some slight fun of the occasionally pretentious adoration people have for the film." Geek Tyrant noted Honest Trailers highlight "how slow the movie is, and insist that if it was as perfect as some movie fans think it is, Ridley Scott wouldn't have had to re-cut it a hundred times. Sometimes the truth hurts..."

Digital Spy found the Honest Trailer notable for highlighting the creepiness of Harrison Ford's character, "They also flag that Deckard struggles with killing humanoid robots who seem to be alive, but then is absolutely fine with forcing himself upon them. What a creep." SlashFilm concurred with Screen Junkies' points, noting "the movie has become a little problematic over the years. Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford)  may have some conflicted feelings about killing replicants, but he appears to have no problems coercing Rachael into sleeping with him."

Production Credits[]

Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Blade Runner

Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Blade Runner

Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey

Title design by Robert Holtby

End Posters created by @BryanEWard

Series Created by Andy Signore & Brett Weiner

Executive Producer - Andy Signore

Producers - Dan Murrell, Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Max Dionne

Written by Dan Murrell, Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, & Andy Signore

Edited by Kevin Williamsen, TJ Nordaker

External links[]

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