Captain America is the 148th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr, Andy Signore, Jason Mathews and Jonathan Miceli. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy in the style of a vault episode. It parodies the 1990 superhero film Captain America. It was published on May 3, 2016, to coincide with the theatrical release of the film Captain America: Civil War. It is 4 minutes 48 seconds long. It has been viewed over 3.7 million times.

Watch Honest Trailers - Captain American (1990) on YouTube

"Why does Captain America have rubber ears? Couldn't they just, y'know, cut a hole for the actor's human ears?" ~ Honest Trailers - Captain America (1990)

Script[edit | edit source]

Civil War is here, and since we've already done all the new Captain America movies, let's travel back to 1990 and pull a VHS out of the Honest Trailer vault.

You've already sat through Marvel's pathetic attempts at a live-action Spider-Man (Spider-Man Strikes Back), Thor (The Incredible Hulk Returns), Daredevil (The Trial of the Incredible Hulk), and Punisher (The Punisher), but Marvel's not done embarrassing themselves yet, in a movie so bad, it wasn't even released in theaters: Captain America, the one you'll rent from Blockbuster Video.

It's 1990, and DC rules the cinemas. Now, laugh while a desperate Marvel struggles to get it together in this rushed attempt to catch up with Batman and Superman's critical and box office dominance.

Scientist: He may not be Superman.

You've got that right.

The son of reclusive author J. D. Salinger (Matt Salinger) stars as Steve Rogers for some reason, a California beach bum pretending to have polio. But when he volunteers to be zapped with an experimental flashlight, he'll become Captain America, a soldier who isn't a captain and spends very little time in America.

The president has been kidnapped for taking a stand on the only issue that matters in the '90s: the environment. Now, after spending forty years frozen in a tiny snowbank, Cap must deal with the culture shock of today's America and save the president from the extremely lumpy, Italian Red Skull and his extremely Italian henchmen.

Tadzio de Santis: It's him.

Valentina de Santis: Who, Papa?

Tadzio de Santis: Captain America.

Mama mia, what a piece of crap.

You thought Marvel's 1979 Captain America was bad? You ain't seen nothing yet. Stare at Captain America's rubber ears and wonder "Why does Captain America have rubber ears? Couldn't they just, y'know, cut a hole for the actor's human ears?". Thrill as his super strength and shield-throwing powers return, plus things you never thought you'd see the Captain do, like run away, run away on a little bike, hide, and pretend to be nauseous so he can steal someone's car...twice.

So gear up for another crapped-out Marvel superhero movie full of terrible acting; ridiculously fake stunts; fight scenes shot in complete darkness; and action sequences so bad, they either feel like they were shot in slow motion or cut together by Sam Raimi on speed (shows an action sequence with 31 camera cuts counted). Man, they'll never get this character right, unless DC buys the rights.

Starring The Captain in the Rye (Matt Salinger as Steve Rogers/Captain America), Reaganstein (Scott Paulin as Tadzio de Santis/Red Skull), Budget Meg Ryan (Kim Gillingham as Sharon), and The Cast of A Christmas Story? Huh, That's Weird (Melinda Dillon as Mrs. Rogers and Darren McGavin as General Fleming).

Honest title for Captain America (1990) - Craptain America. Title design by Robert Holtby.

Craptain America

Yeah, this movie wasn't great, but what if they teamed up with Eric Kramer's Thor, Lou Ferrigno's Hulk, and Dolph Lundgren's Punisher? They could totally do an Avengers movie, a really awful Avengers movie. Ah, who am I kidding? Just hang it up, Marvel; DC rules!

Trivia[edit | edit source]

Reception[edit | edit source]

Honest Trailers - Captain America has a 97.8% approval rating from YouTube viewers. Uproxx appreciated Screen Junkies' decision to do this film, writing "if there was ever a movie in need of a little honesty, it’s the 1990 version of Captain America. Stare slack-jawed at Cap’s hilariously dorky mask that comes equipped with fake rubber ears!" Nerdist wrote the film was a "rich buffet of low-hanging fruit to ridicule." In the same article, Nerdist appreciated Screen Junkies' mockery of obvious points like Cap's rubber ear, as well as deeper criticisms like "Cap’s somewhat cowardly streak as he runs away from villains and steals cars from the poor people who were dumb enough to help him." Many sites, including IndieWire and found the Honest Trailer notable for situating the film in its historical context when DC films ruled the box office.

Production credits[edit | edit source]

Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Captain America (1990)

Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey

Title design by Robert Holtby

Series Created by Andy Signore & Brett Weiner

Written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr , Andy Signore, Jason Mathews & Jonathan Miceli

Edited by Anthony Falleroni

External links[edit | edit source]

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