Captain America is the 148th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr, Andy Signore, Jason Mathews and Jonathan Miceli. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy in the style of a vault episode. It parodies the 1990 superhero film Captain America. It was published on May 3, 2016, to coincide with the theatrical release of the film Captain America: Civil War. It is 4 minutes 48 seconds long. It has been viewed over 3.7 million times.
"Why does Captain America have rubber ears? Couldn't they just, y'know, cut a hole for the actor's human ears?" ~ Honest Trailers - Captain America (1990)
Script[edit | edit source]
You've already sat through Marvel's pathetic attempts at a live-action Spider-Man (Spider-Man Strikes Back), Thor (The Incredible Hulk Returns), Daredevil (The Trial of the Incredible Hulk), and Punisher (The Punisher), but Marvel's not done embarrassing themselves yet, in a movie so bad, it wasn't even released in theaters: Captain America, the one you'll rent from Blockbuster Video.
Scientist: He may not be Superman.
You've got that right.
The son of reclusive author J. D. Salinger (Matt Salinger) stars as Steve Rogers for some reason, a California beach bum pretending to have polio. But when he volunteers to be zapped with an experimental flashlight, he'll become Captain America, a soldier who isn't a captain and spends very little time in America.
The president has been kidnapped for taking a stand on the only issue that matters in the '90s: the environment. Now, after spending forty years frozen in a tiny snowbank, Cap must deal with the culture shock of today's America and save the president from the extremely lumpy, Italian Red Skull and his extremely Italian henchmen.
Tadzio de Santis: It's him.
Valentina de Santis: Who, Papa?
Tadzio de Santis: Captain America.
Mama mia, what a piece of crap.
You thought Marvel's 1979 Captain America was bad? You ain't seen nothing yet. Stare at Captain America's rubber ears and wonder "Why does Captain America have rubber ears? Couldn't they just, y'know, cut a hole for the actor's human ears?". Thrill as his super strength and shield-throwing powers return, plus things you never thought you'd see the Captain do, like run away, run away on a little bike, hide, and pretend to be nauseous so he can steal someone's car...twice.
So gear up for another crapped-out Marvel superhero movie full of terrible acting; ridiculously fake stunts; fight scenes shot in complete darkness; and action sequences so bad, they either feel like they were shot in slow motion or cut together by Sam Raimi on speed (shows an action sequence with 31 camera cuts counted). Man, they'll never get this character right, unless DC buys the rights.
Starring The Captain in the Rye (Matt Salinger as Steve Rogers/Captain America), Reaganstein (Scott Paulin as Tadzio de Santis/Red Skull), Budget Meg Ryan (Kim Gillingham as Sharon), and The Cast of A Christmas Story? Huh, That's Weird (Melinda Dillon as Mrs. Rogers and Darren McGavin as General Fleming).
Yeah, this movie wasn't great, but what if they teamed up with Eric Kramer's Thor, Lou Ferrigno's Hulk, and Dolph Lundgren's Punisher? They could totally do an Avengers movie, a really awful Avengers movie. Ah, who am I kidding? Just hang it up, Marvel; DC rules!
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- This video is a "vault episode" meaning it was made to look like it was made at the time the movie was released. This includes using a VHS style intro and visual effect. In addition, the writers only make pop culture references that a person in 1990 would have known about, including an ironic references to the state of Marvel films at the time. Other vault episodes include Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, Top Gun, and Rocky IV.
- Screen Junkies have produced Honest Trailers for all movies featuring Captain America including Captain America: The First Avenger, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Captain America: Civil War, The Avengers, Avengers: Age of Ultron and Avengers: Infinity War.
- Screen Junkies have also produced Honest Trailers for several other terrible films including The Room, The Last Airbender, After Earth, The Happening, Gotti, Catwoman, The Star Wars Holiday Special, Howard the Duck and many others. See list of Honest Trailers for more.
- An Honest Trailer Commentary for this episode was recorded and was available on the Screen Junkies Plus until the website/app was discontinued. Screen Junkies don't currently have any way of releasing the video.
Reception[edit | edit source]
Honest Trailers - Captain America has a 97.8% approval rating from YouTube viewers. Uproxx appreciated Screen Junkies' decision to do this film, writing "if there was ever a movie in need of a little honesty, it’s the 1990 version of Captain America. Stare slack-jawed at Cap’s hilariously dorky mask that comes equipped with fake rubber ears!" Nerdist wrote the film was a "rich buffet of low-hanging fruit to ridicule." In the same article, Nerdist appreciated Screen Junkies' mockery of obvious points like Cap's rubber ear, as well as deeper criticisms like "Cap’s somewhat cowardly streak as he runs away from villains and steals cars from the poor people who were dumb enough to help him." Many sites, including IndieWire and ComicBook.com found the Honest Trailer notable for situating the film in its historical context when DC films ruled the box office.
Production credits[edit | edit source]
Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey
Title design by Robert Holtby
Edited by Anthony Falleroni
[edit | edit source]
- Marvel At Cap’s Rubber Ears As Honest Trailers Tackles The Worst ‘Captain America’ Movie Ever - Uproxx article
- HONEST TRAILERS TARGETS THE 1990 CAPTAIN AMERICA MOVIE - Nerdist article
- Captain America 1990 Gets An Honest Trailer - ComicBook.com article
- Honest Trailer Presents ‘Captain America’ (1990) - Geeks of Doom article
- Honest Trailers Takes on 1990’s CAPTAIN AMERICA - When Fans Wanted Warner Bros. to Buy Marvel Properties - Newsarama article
- ‘Captain America’ Honest Trailer: Relive Marvel’s 1990 Low Point - IndieWire article