Clueless is the 413th episode of the Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Logan Rees, Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 1995 coming-of-age teen comedy film Clueless. It was published on September 7, 2021. It is 6 minutes and 11 seconds long. It has been viewed over 100,000 times.
Script[]
From the decade that brought you the sincerity of grunge, the slacking of Generation X, and the Dursting of Fred, comes another relic of a bygone era: a mid-budget studio comedy.
Clueless
Welcome to L.A. -- Okay, West L.A. All right, like, five blocks of L.A.; not a taco in sight. -- and meet Cher, a rich girl with a two-dollar brain full of ten-dollar words.
Cher: I've tried everything to convince them of my scholastic aptitude, but I was brutally rebuffed!
She'll "as if" you through the world of 90's teen culture...
Cher: As if!
...as seen through the eyes of a spoiled rich girl...
Cher: As if!
...as seen through the eyes of a much older screenwriter.
Cher: I don't want to be a traitor to my generation and all, but I don't get how guys dress today.
Okay, literal Boomer.
Cher: As if!
Watch as Cher matures from a plastic doll who squeaks when she doesn't get her way (montage of Cher groaning with displeasure), to a thoughtful woman who realizes the error of her ways... eventually.
Cher: Tai is my pal! I don't begrudge her a boyfriend. I really-- (looks at a display window) Ooh, I wonder if they have that in my size?
...Sorta?
Cher: Lucy, you know I don't speak Mexican.
Lucy: I am not a Mexican!
Okay, she doesn't realize the error of her ways, but she does realize which boy she has a crush on.
Cher: I love Josh!
Eh, it's a start.
Throw on your best plaid miniskirt and join the popular clique, with Cher's bestie Dionne, whose job is reacting to stuff (montage of Dionne's over-the-top reactions), which, considering Stacey Dash's, um, whole deal (the cover of Dash's memoir, There Goes My Social Life: From Clueless to Conservative, pops up), the fewer chances to speak, the better.
Nischelle Turner: I guess a lot of people in the transgender community would then say... "It is who I am."
Stacey Dash: Okay, then go... go to the bushes. I don't know what to tell you.
Brittany Murphy is Tai, a transfer student from the School of Hard Knocks. (montage of Tai hitting her head on things) But when Cher transforms her into a fellow hot mean girl...
Tai: You're a virgin who can't drive.
...it'll take all of eight minutes before she apologizes and the main conflict is diffused.
Cher: I'm so sorry, Tai...
Tai: Oh Cher, I'm really sorry!
There's really not much of a plot to this flick; it's mostly just kids not realizing who likes them.
Elton: Great. Then Tai, you'll go with Summer, and Cher, you'll come with me.
Cher: Actually, you can take Wilshire to Canon, and that turns into Benedict.
Travis: Well, 'cause if girls did it, what would guys do to impress them?
Tai: I don't know.
Cher: Do you see how he's falling in love with me? I mean, look how he ignores every other girl.
Christian: What am I gonna do with that?
Bartender: I don't want it.
Christian: (laughs)
If high-schoolers were really this clueless, we'd have way fewer seasons of Teen Mom.
Don't forget to check out all the boys, like Donald Faison, who used movie magic to not look like a total uggo...
Zach Braff: You had fake braces, famously, in Clueless.
Donald Faison: Yes, because they were trying to hide my small teeth. They shaved my head in Clueless because my hairline was receding at 18.
...Travis, the only guy to go to rehab for pot --
Travis: See, I joined this club, and-and... there are these steps.
Bob Saget would not approve.
Cocaine Addict (Half Baked): You ever s*ck s*me d*ck for marijuana?
-- the always-sensual Wallace Shawn (shows Cher and Dionne spying on Mr. Hall and Ms. Geist as they make out); and of course, Josh, played by a time-traveling Paul Rudd. He's Cher's love interest, who also happens to be her ex-stepbrother, which the movie desperately wants to make okay.
Mel: He's your stepbrother!
Cher: You were hardly even married to his mother, and that was five years ago!
Cher: He is not your dad. / Josh, you are not my brother.
Uh-huh; it's only a matter of time before "Help, Josh! I'm caught in the washing machine!" But even if they aren't related, Josh is still a college guy dating a 16-year-old girl, and he looks like Paul Rudd! What happened, dude? Did every girl on campus see Halloween 6? (shows a scene from Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers of Tommy Doyle being pursued by Myers)
Return to a more sophisticated era -- the 90's...
Amber: Whatever.
Mentos Commercial: Mentos...
Tai: (with the commercial) The Freshmaker.
Josh: We might get Marky Mark to plant a celebrity tree.
-- in an adaptation of a Jane Austen novel (Emma) that skips most of the social commentary, cuts half the characters, and reworks a 500-page narrative about class into a bubblegum romp that turned all your assigned reading into Hollywood gold. (shows the posters for 10 Things I Hate About You (The Taming of the Shrew), She's All That (Pygmalion), O (Othello), and Cruel Intentions (Les Liaisons dangereuses)) I'm not saying Julia Stiles owes Alicia Silverstone a check, but she owes Alicia Silverstone a check.
So get ready for a movie that captures all the major trends of its decade, like box office hits about big old dummies (Billy Madison, Dumb and Dumber, Tommy Boy), movies where a band with a horn section randomly shows up (Swingers, The Mask, BASEketball), and films about an attractive actress pretending to be an ugly duckling until they get a makeover. (She's All That, Batman Returns, Never Been Kissed)
Jake Wyler (Not Another Teen Movie): Guys, she's got... glasses and a ponytail! Oh, look at that; she's got paint on her overalls!
Starring: Bro Rida (Alicia Silverstone as Cher Horowitz); A Little Dash Will Do Ya (Stacey Dash as Dionne Davenport); Donald Failson (Donald Faison as Murray Duvall); King of the Beverly Hill (Brittany Murphy as Tai Frasier); Brother From Another Mother So It's Technically Fine, Relax (Paul Rudd as Josh Lucas); Tai Beau (Breckin Meyer as Travis Birkenstock); Guys and Dollface (Justin Walker as Christian Stovitz); Inconceivably Sexy (Wallace Shawn as Mr. Wendell Hall); The American Education System (shows Cher's report card, focusing on her "A" in Geometry with the comment "Nice Shapes"); The Only Relatable Character for Anyone Over 25. (Dan Hedaya as Melvin "Mel" Horowitz)...
Cher: Hi, Daddy, this is my friend Tai.
Tai: Hi!
Mel: Get out of my chair.
...and Cher Playing With Her Hair (montage of Cher brushing back her hair).
The honest title for Clueless was ‘Marvel's As If…?’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
(montage of students applauding at Cher) Okay, how often do kids break out into applause for each other in class? Was that a thing? That was never a thing!
Viewer's Comments[]
Please say "I put a lot of thought into picking this comment." - Derek Johnson
For Ed Asner, please say, "You know, you've got spunk. I hate spunk!" - Periclis Dragonballz
Epic Voice Guy, please say: "We're no strangers to love. You know the rules and so do I." - The Swullnasty
please find an excuse to say "Bleeeeewwbs" in you epic voice, I miss it and cannot wait for another Avatar movie - Adam Bourne
Trivia[]
- The second comment in the viewer's comments pays tribute to Ed Asner, an actor best known for playing Lou Grant on The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Carl Fredricksen on the Disney/Pixar film Up, who passed away on August 29, 2021, at the age of 91.
Reception[]
Production Credits[]
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Written by: Logan Rees, Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford, & Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert
Associate Producer: Ryan O'Toole
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen & Randy Whitlock
Post-Production Supervisor: Emin Bassavand
Post-Production Coordinator: Mikołaj Kossakowski
Assistant Editor: Rebecca Castaneda
Director of Video Production: Max Dionne
Executive Producer: Roth Cornet