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Honest Trailers - Con Air is the 298th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the action thriller film Con Air (1997). The video is 4 minutes 34 seconds long. It was published on June 4, 2019, to coincide with the 22nd anniversary of the film's theatrical release. This video was produced as part of Screen Junkies' Blockbuster Summer season, in which they turned their attention to blockbusters both old and new. It has been viewed over 900k times.

Watch Honest Trailers - Con Air on YouTube

"His sheer awesomeness will conjure sweetass guitar licks out of thin air." ~ Honest Trailers - Con Air

Script Edit

From Disney [Touchstone Pictures, Disney’s old spin-off film studio banner that used to targeted toward adult audience that probably doesn’t exist anymore] and the same director as the Rick Roll video? Weird [Yep, Simon West who directed "Never Gonna Give You Up" music video before he’s directed this movie]. Comes a film released one year after Nic Cage took on The Rock and just three weeks before he took off a face.

Nic Cage: "I like to take his... his face... off" [Footage from Face/Off]

Wow, it’s a miracle any of us survived peak Nic Cage. Especially Nic Cage.

Nic Cage: "Woooo!!!! Hah! AAHHHHHH!!!!"

Con Air

All aboard Con Air, an airplane full of the worst criminals, some unarmed guards, one undercover agent and an American hero with a terrible lawyer. [Lawyer: "Admit to it." Judge: "You shall remain incarcerated for a term not less than seven to ten years."] When this plane takes off, so does the action. Culminating in amazing set pieces, some outlandish comedy, and the world’s most high stakes unboxing video. [Nic Cage: "Put the bunny back in the box."] Yeah it's cheesy, but it has as many Oscar nominations as Vertigo. So... you tell me which one's better. [Nic Cage winks!]

Nic Cage is Poe Dameron... I mean Poe Cameron... I mean Cameron Poe. He's a former Army Ranger with a past. [Judge: "Manslaughter in the first degree."]. And even that past has a past [Woman: "For a second there you were that guy again. I was hoping maybe the army would make that guy grow up."]. And not even that past's past can explain his accent. [Nic Cage's Southern? accent: "That makes your Daddy very prawwd." "I am however torn apawt when I think that I won't be there to see our chil come into the world." "I started this day with birthday pawty to get to and I'm gonna get to it."]

He's got a mane like the love child of Mufasa and Fabio, a daughter he won't shut up about ["I'm gonna see my daddy for the first time ever."] Yep. ["It's my daughter's birthday."] We get it. ["It's my daughter's birthday today."] Gotta go back... ["My daughter's picture! Where'd you put my daughter's picture?!"] Check. ["I'm afraid my daughter won't understand." ] Et cetera [Cop: "What's this s***?" Nic Cage: "It's my daughter."] Wha- I didn't know you had a daughter(!). And his sheer awesomeness will conjure sweet ass guitar licks out of thin air [Montage of Nic Cage and epic guitar riffs "Let's do it!" "I'm gonna show you God does exist."] I want it to be all like [guitar solo] when I walk into a room! Someday, Epic Voice Guy... Someday...

Standing between Poe and his daughter is a group of dude so bad they've all got nicknames! There's Bill ["That's William Bedford aka Billy Bedlam"] and Nathan ["Jones aka Diamond Dog."] and Pin- ["Pinball Parker. Armed robber. Arsonist, dope fiend...."] Ugh! Come on! At least let me do John Malk- ["His name is Cyrus Grissom aka Cyrus the Virus."] Shut up John Cusack! Stop giving Suicide Squad ideas! ["Here comes Slipknot the man who can climb anything."] AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

So return to the 90's for a blockbuster that's top of its class because the cast is grade "A," it's produced by a "B" [Jerry Bruckheimer], packed with a Nic "C" [Nicolas Cage] and his big swinging "D" ["You know what I am?" Nic Cage: "Ugly all day."]. And it clearly doesn't give an "F." [John Cusack: "What you're gonna do for me?" Nic Cage: "I'm gonna save the f***ing day."]. Now that's a f***ing report card!

Starring: I Know Why the Cage Bird Sings (Nicolas Cage as Cameron Poe); Save Anything (John Cusack as Vince Larkin); Being Con Malkovich (John Malkovich as Cyrus "The Virus" Grissom); I'm Squished, Biatch! (honk! honk!) (Dave Chapelle as Joe "Pinball" Parker); There's All Kind of Diabetes... Type One, Type Two... (Mykelti Williamson as Mike "Baby-O" O'Dell); *ding!* Please Return Your Trejo To Its Upright and Locked Position (Danny Trejo as John "Johnny 23" Baca); Mission: Impossible - Rogue Aviation (Ving Rhames as Nathan "Diamond Dog" Jones); Sully (M. C. Gainey as Earl "Swamp Thing" Williams); Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (a blue convertible is tethered to the plane as it takes off); and Emmy Award Stealer for Outstanding Short Form Variety Series Steve Buscemi (as Garland "The Marietta Mangler" Greene). Pft... Stupid kind and generous American hero... taking our award!
Honest Trailers Con Air Open Invideo 4-4 screenshot

The Honest title for Con Air was 'Planes, Chains And A Guy From Mobile.' Titles designed by Robert Holtby.

Planes, Chains And A Guy From Mobile

(Guy runs into the desert)

John Malkovich: "I hope he likes sand."

No one likes sand, Cyrus. It's coarse, rough, and it gets everywhere.

Trivia Edit

Honest Trailers Commentary - Con Air

Honest Trailers Commentary - Con Air

Watch the full Honest Trailers Commentary on YouTube

Reception Edit

Honest Trailers - Con Air has a 98.1% approval rating from YouTube viewers. Numerous sites highlighted the celebratory tone of the video. The Malay Mail said the video was "hilarious" and highlighted Screen Junkies' quips about "the number of times Cage mentions he has a daughter and the fact that all the criminals on the plane had nicknames." Joe Paur of Geek Tyrant wrote that the video "amusingly points out all of the reasons why we love this movie!" Moe Lane said the Honest Trailer made them want to rewatch the film. Stack noted that Screen Junkies "often pick out the worst in movies, but even they’re hard-pressed to come up with anything wrong with this peak Nic Cage explosion."

Dan Zinski of Screen Rant concurred, writing, " In its latest Honest Trailers installment, Screen Junkies takes a look back at one of the films that marked Peak Cage and also exemplifies everything great and terrible about '90s action movies in general. ...This Honest Trailer doesn't so much make fun of Con Air as celebrate it, while also pointing out exactly how over-the-top and bizarre the Hollywood movies of the late '90s were. ... It's easy to mock a movie like Con Air with its silly tropes and over-the-top performances, but it's also easy to be nostalgic for what now seems like a simpler time."

Production credits Edit

Honest trailer con air

Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Con Air.

Epic Voice Guy: Jon Bailey

Title Design by Robert Holtby

Written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell, Danielle Radford & Lon Harris

Produced by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr & Max Dionne

Edited by Kevin Williamsen

External links Edit

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