Die Hard is the 131st episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr and Andy Signore. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 1988 American action film Die Hard. It was published on December 29, 2015, to coincide with the Christmas season. It is 4 minutes 28 seconds long. It has been viewed over 3.9 million times. With an approval rating of 98.9%, Die Hard is one of the top five highest-rated Honest Trailers of all time.
Watch Honest Trailers - Die Hard on YouTube
"Kick off your shoes and join the party, for a movie filled with amazing action, great heroes, fantastic villains, hilarious comedy, suspense, romance, excellent stunt work, a rich supporting cast, and awesome one-liners. What? You thought we were going to crap on Die Hard? The guy's tank top is in the Smithsonian, for crying out loud! This movie is frigging perfect!" ~ Honest Trailers - Die Hard
Script[]
This holiday season, revisit the greatest Christmas movie ever made.
Gruber: (reading a dead robber's shirt McClane wrote on) "Ho... ho... ho."
Yeah, you heard me, It's a Wonderful Life.
Die Hard
Kick off your shoes and join the party, for a movie filled with amazing action, great heroes, fantastic villains, hilarious comedy, suspense, romance, excellent stunt work, a rich supporting cast, and awesome one-liners.
McClane: Welcome to the party, pal!
What? You thought we were going to crap on Die Hard? The guy's tank top is in the Smithsonian, for crying out loud! This movie is frigging perfect!
In a decade where every action hero looks like an unstoppable 'roid monster, no one kicks more ass than the guy from Moonlighting who looks like your dad: John McClane.
McClane: How you doing?
He's a New York cop out of his element in Los Angeles...
Stranger: Hey! Merry Christmas! (smooches McClane)
...with no one to talk to but... himself.
McClane: (while crawling through a vent) "Come out to the coast. We'll get together, have a few laughs."
Strap in as McClane takes on a team of well-dressed, vaguely European terrorists, played by actors who didn't speak German, but the director had them try their best anyway...
Gruber: Schieße dem Fenster. (Shoot the window.)
Karl: (looks in confusion)
Gruber: (annoyed) Shoot the glass.
...led by Hans Gruber, one of the greatest movie villains of all time...
Gruber: Ladies and gentlemen.
...which is even cooler when it's his very first movie. (pulls up Alan Rickman's IMDb page, where Die Hard is the first film listed in his credits) Whoa, seriously? Way to hit the ground running, Rickman! But McClane's not alone. Meet Reginald VelJohnson; after he was the cop in Ghostbusters, but before he was the cop in Family Matters, he was the cop in Die Hard. He may not have the best diet, or the best judgment...
Powell: I shot a kid.
...but he's the best there is when it comes... to moral support.
Powell: (to McClane) You just watch your ass, and you'll make it out of there. You hear me? / (to Chief Robinson) He is alone, tired, and he hasn't seen diddly-squat from anybody down here! / (to McClane) Hey, look. I love you.
Climb aboard for an adrenaline-fueled thrill rush of the 80's stuff you crave, like... indoor smoking...
McClane: Do you smoke?
...carry-on guns, Japanese businessmen...
Takagi: Pearl Harbor didn't work out, so we got you with tape decks.
...cocaine, pregnant drinking...
Ginny: Do you think the baby can handle a little sip?
Holly: That baby's ready to tend bar.
...making fun of touchscreens...
McClane: Cute toy.
...super-cool limousines, and more cocaine. (shows Ellis snorting as he and the others are taken hostage) <snort> WHOO! Best decade ever!
Lace up for a movie full of non-stop foot stuff...
Passenger: --make fists with your toes.
McClane: Fists with your toes?
...that is either a foot fetishist's wet dream, or their worst nightmare, or a different, even weirder, Tarantino-level foot fetishist's dream; we're not here to judge.
So experience the original masterpiece that inspired countless knockoffs, like... "Die Hard on a Bus" (Speed), "Die Hard in a Tunnel" (Daylight), "Die Hard on a Mountain" (Cliffhanger), "Die Hard in the White House" (Olympus Has Fallen), "Die Hard in the White House 2" (White House Down), "Die Hard in a Mall" (Paul Blart: Mall Cop), "Die Hard on a Boat" (Speed 2: Cruise Control), "Die Hard on This Other Boat" (Under Siege), "Die Hard in a Rink" (Sudden Death), "Die Hard on a Train" (Under Siege 2: Dark Territory), "Die Hard in a Plane" (Passenger 57), "Die Hard in Another Plane" (Executive Decision), "Die Hard in the President's Plane" (Air Force One), "Die Hard in a Plane, with Snakes" (Snakes on a Plane), and "Die Hard but Awful" (A Good Day to Die Hard).
McClane (A Good Day to Die Hard): (after Jack crushes his phone) It's a two-year contract on that phone...
Starring: Bruce Willis When He Still Cared (Bruce Willis as John McClane); Hans Gruber (sung like "MacGruber!") (Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber); Wax Dolph Lundgren (Alexander Godunov as Karl); Carl of Duty (Reginald VelJohnson as Sgt. Al Powell); Cocaine's a Helluva Drug (Hart Bochner as Harry Ellis); '80s Authority Figure (Paul Gleason as Deputy Chief Dwayne T. Robinson); This Man Has No Dick (William Atherton as Richard "Dick" Thornburg); Types Like Your Grandma (Clarence Gilyard Jr. as Theo); and Uber Black (What? That's the Limo One!) (De'voreaux White as Argyle) It's not racist.
Die Hard in a Building
Honest title for Die Hard - Die Hard in a Building. Title design by Robert Holtby.
It's nice to know this is what Europeans think we sound like.
Gruber: (faking an American accent) Please, God, no! You're one of them, aren't you? You're one of them!
Trivia[]
Honest Action - Die Hard
Honest Action - Die Hard 2-5
- Screen Junkies have also produced two "Honest Action" videos about Die Hard, in which they asked a doctor to describe the injuries the characters would sustain if they suffered the film's violence in real life. Watch Honest Action - Die Hard on YouTube.
- This video was released during Screen Junkies' holiday break. The video was finished ahead of time and uploaded while they were on vacation.
- The writers originally considered writing this Honest Trailer as a "vault episode," meaning it would appear to have been made in 1988 and more directly mimic the style of an actual 1980s trailer more directly. However, they decided they wanted to underscore the film's cultural impact on the action movie genre. This would not have been possible from the perspective of a viewer in 1988.[1]
- Screen Junkies have also produced Honest Trailers for several other holiday movies including Elf, Home Alone, The Santa Clause, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Love Actually.
- Screen Junkies have also produced Honest Trailers for several other action movies including Speed, Armageddon, Mission: Impossible, The Bourne Trilogy, Kingsman: The Secret Service, Skyfall and Spectre. See list of Honest Trailers for more.
- An Honest Trailer Commentary for this episode was recorded and was available on the Screen Junkies Plus until the website/app was discontinued. Screen Junkies don't currently have any way of releasing the video.
Reception[]
Honest Trailers - Die Hard has a 98.9% approval rating from YouTube viewers, putting it among the top five highest-rated Honest Trailers of all time. Many media sites commented on the overwhelmingly positive tone of the Honest Trailer. IndieWire wrote that the Honest Trailer was an "enjoyable and funny tribute" to Die Hard. Slash Film wrote that "the snarkmongers at Screen Junkies... heap praise" on the film. In the same article, SlashFilm commended the Honest Trailer for highlighting the cultural significance of Die Hard and the way it has become "a source of endless ridiculous knockoffs, including actual Die Hard sequels." Uproxx said the Honest Trailer provided "a pretty great breakdown of why Die Hard more or less defined the action movie for a solid decade."
Nerdist used this video to praise Screen Junkies more generally and underscore the significance of this Honest Trailer:
Screen Junkies’ Honest Trailers series is some of the funniest, pithiest, and most well-reasoned film criticism on the internet and it’s housed inside a skewering of the old trend of overblown, exaggerating, and often hilarious movie trailers. Armed with their Epic Voice Guy and the ability to poke fun while still appreciating what’s good, these trailers have become some of the most-watched on the web. They’ll make fun of anything! Except 1988’s Die Hard. (Kyle Anderson, The Nerdist, December 20, 2015)
Production credits[]
Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Die Hard
Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey
Title design by Robert Holtby
Series Created by Andy Signore & Brett Weiner
Written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr, and Andy Signore
Edited by Anthony Falleroni
List of references[]
- ↑ Joe Starr explains the first draft of Die Hard was a vault episode at 5:21 in the Honest Trailer Commentary for Point Break.
External links[]
- Honest Trailers Find No Faults With ‘Die Hard’ Because It’s Objectively The Best Christmas Film Ever - Junkee article
- LOL: ‘Die Hard’ Honest Trailer Takes On Everyone’s Favorite Christmas Movie - SlashFilm article
- HONEST TRAILERS DOESN’T MAKE FUN OF DIE HARD AT ALL - Nerdist article
- Watch: Honest Trailer For ‘Die Hard’ Revisits The Greatest Christmas Movie Ever Made - IndieWire article
- Die Hard’s Honest Trailer Confirms That It’s Pretty Perfect, as Movies Go - Slate article
- Even Honest Trailers Can’t Find Anything Wrong With ‘Die Hard’ - Uproxx article
- Honest Trailers Takes On ‘Die Hard’ - Geeks of Doom article