Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves is the 495th episode of the Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford, and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2023 fantasy heist comedy film Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves. It was published on May 16, 2023. It is 5 minutes and 57 seconds long. It has been viewed over 100,000 times.
Script[]
In a world of high fantasy, low comedy, and special effects wankery, a big studio adaptation of a beloved nerd franchise will turn out... Not awful? Kind of fun? Actually funny?! Okay, lock the doors! Nobody leaves this room until we figure out how this happened!
Dungeons & Dragons: HAT. Uh, I mean, Honor Among Thieves.
You memory-holed Dungeons & Dragons 2000, and if you remember the cartoon, your kids are waiting for you to pick them up from school. Now, strap in for a film that takes a wild new approach: "What if a Marvel movie were as charming as it thinks it is?", with cool magic (shows Simon and Sofina in a magic duel), good jokes...
Edgin: Jarnathan! (pushes Jarnathan and Torbo through a circular window)
Dragonborn Councilor: But we approved your pardon!
...and action with some thought put into it. (shows a knight slicing another knight's helmet off its body, revealing the armor's occupant to be a mouse, which the first knight then pounces on) So what if they drop a magic sky beam at the end? It's been a while since we had a good sky beam! I missed you, old friend...
When you need a bard to not suck, there's only one Hollywood Chris you should call; he's got the charm (shows Chris Pine as Lord Nicholas Devereaux in The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement), the sex appeal (shows Chris Pine as James T. Kirk in Star Trek (2009)), the magic voice (shows Chris Pine singing as Eric in Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later), and the track record of abandoning mixed-race daughters. (shows Chris Pine as Dr. Alexander Murry in A Wrinkle in Time (2018))
Kira: You told me to trust you when you left me.
Pine's got the range, baby; show me just one thing that Chris Pratt is better at. (a Los Angeles Times article with the title "Chris Pratt ('Guardians 3') dethrones Chris Pratt ('Super Mario') at the box office" pops up) <sigh> Except making money...
Pine's Edgin will team up with Michelle Rodriguez as, wait, wait, wait, get this... a tough lady (shows Holga ripping a longbow off a wall and using it to strangle two knights); she's a barbarian with a heart of gold, and a tiny man fetish. They'll join Simon, a wiz with no rizz...
Simon: I... courted you. You said I made you feel sad.
Doric: ...Yeah.
...Doric the druid, the only one without any character development, because she's too busy getting sh*t done (shows Doric mauling Sofina to death as an owlbear); and the paladin Xenk, who is clearly an NPC that the DM dropped in to get those idiots unstuck and back on the main questline.
Simon: --you're much better at fighting and strategy and...
Edgin: Pretty much everything...
Together, they'll face off against Hugh Grant, who's now just a good bloke who plays villains (shows Hugh Grant as Phoenix Buchanan in Paddington 2, Forge Fitzwilliam in this film, and Jeremy Thorpe in A Very English Scandal), instead of back in the 90's when it was the opposite (a The Guardian article with the title "Hugh Grant arrested with sex worker 20 years ago" pops up); and the Red Wizard Sofina, who's just here to glower until the big bad rolls in for the sequel.
Tam: Take solace in knowing that your work here is nearly complete.
Please let Jeremy Irons play this guy in the sequel; he deserves another crack at this.
Profion (Dungeons & Dragons (2000)): (while taming a dragon) You don't LIKE that, do you?! Good! I can use every OUNCE of your RAGE! Ah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah!
Tired of films where the heroes are even momentarily in actual peril? Well, strap in for an adventure they're massively over-leveled for (shows Holga effortlessly taking out knights), featuring a team with so much plot armor, their fiercest foe spawns in with diabetes (shows the party running from Themberchaud as he rolls towards them), where even the one weapon in the entire fantasy universe that can actually hurt someone...
Simon: It's a Red Wizard's blade. There's nothing I can do.
...doesn't (shows the blade dissolving as Holga's wounds heal), and the only way they can be defeated is by constantly forgetting magic exists in their extremely magical world.
Edgin: She's caught in the Time Stop!
Forge: (as Edgin and Holga get caught in a quicksand trap) You'd have thought that you'd have learned that the last time she trapped you.
Sofina: (laughs as she removes her Kira disguise)
See, this is why you always need to bring a paladin, but they just let theirs walk away. (shows Xenk leaving the party)
So if you want to take the game that's quietly been influencing all pop culture in the background for decades (multiple articles pop up detailing how celebrities like D. B. Weiss and Dave Benioff, the Duffer Brothers, Tom Morello, Joe and Anthony Russo, and Vin Diesel are fans of Dungeons & Dragons), and do it justice on the big screen, why not pick the team (Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley) that already turned a nerdy game night into a hilarious action comedy?
Max Davis (Game Night): Guys, make sure you get a piece of this cheese. It's just...
Wait, don't tell me you haven't seen Game Night. WHAT?! Oh, you have to see it! In fact, you should pause this video and go watch it right now!
Brooks Davis (Game Night): There's no pausing.
Uh, don't worry; we'll wait!
Max Davis: (as he and Annie take a selfie with a hostage) One, two, three.
Annie Davis: Cheese!
Annie Davis: (tauntingly) Oh, no. Bang, bang. (accidentally shoots a ceiling light with her revolver and drops it while screaming, causing it to hit the floor and discharge, shooting Max in the shoulder)
Max Davis: Ow...! BLOOOOOD!!
Did you finish it yet? (chuckling) Jesse Plemons? The dog? It's so good, right? (normally) Uh, where was I? (shows the party resurrecting a corpse) Oh yeah! Dungeons & Dragons. It's good. I bet Paramount is stoked! (a Daily News article with the title "Paramount Global shutting down MTV news, cutting 25% of staff from TV networks" pops up) Oh... Uh, well, I bet eOne (Entertainment One Ltd.) and Hasbro are celebrating! (a NBC 10 News article with the title "Hasbro begins layoffs, set to slash 15% of global workforce" pops up) Okay, someone needs to explain to me how success works in this industry.
Starring: 3-6-9 Bard Chris Pine (Chris Pine as Edgin Darvis); Death... by Snu Snu (Michelle Rodriguez as Holga Kilgore); If He's Lawful Good, Why Did He Steal the Movie? (Regé-Jean Page as Xenk Yendar); The Justice Society (Justice Smith as Simon Aumar); Animorph (Sophia Lillis as Doric); Oh the Hugh Grant'a'Thief (Hugh Grant as Forge Fitzwilliam); Wizards of Shaverly Place (Daisy Head as Sofina); Every Franchise Needs a Thanos (Ian Hanmore as Szass Tam); Gone Girl (Chloe Coleman as Kira Darvis); Mini Cooper (Bradley Cooper as Marlamin); AI Art... (shows Edgin with a stretched-out face); and Bad Dragon! Google It While You're at Work! (Themberchaud)
Party of Five
The honest title for Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves was ‘Party of Five’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
Hi! Are you a movie wife? Does your husband insist on staring at you smiling under white sheets? Run for your life!
Viewer's Comments[]
Say: "Bad baby. No squeezes!" - grungemonkey28
Say "Ooh Eee Ooh Aah Aah Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang" - Nicholas Gurr
My favorite Honest Trailer is a tie between Deadpool and Pacific Rim. Now stop asking. 😎🎙️ - epicvoiceguy
Trivia[]
Reception[]
Production Credits[]
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Written by: Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford, Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen
Post-Production Manager: Emin Bassavand
Content Manager: Mikołaj Kossakowski
Post-Production Specialist: Rebecca Castaneda
Director of Video Production: Max Dionne