Honest Trailers - Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald is the 286th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr, Lon Harris and Danielle Radford. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2018 fantasy film Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald. The video is 4 minutes 58 seconds long. It was published on March 12, 2019, to coincide with the film's digital/Blu-ray release. It has been viewed over 1.4 million times.
"This whole movie is just grim-faced people in suits talking!" ~ Honest Trailers - Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald
You loved J.K. Rowling through the Harry Potter years. You knew her mystery novels were… just a phase. You swore Cursed Child was better live. You defended her right to, uh, tweaks in character details after the fact. You looked past all the flaws of the first Fantastic Beasts to see its potential. And now this? This is how you repay our loyalty? I am done standing for you, J.K.!
Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald
You loved the whimsical world of Harry Potter, a place where trying to kill a baby just marked him as a heroic chosen one. Now visit a new chapter where they just... kill babies. As the wizarding world takes a full turn toward a dark universe for the bleakest, wettest [clips of thunder and rain], darkest chapter yet. Okay, did WB suck all the joy out of Harry Potter for Aquaman and Shazam!? Cuz, if this series ends with Jacob blowing up The Ministry of Magic with a jar of pee, I'm gonna be very upset.
All of your favorite characters from the first Fantastic Beasts are back. Like, Newt Scamander who's gone from awkward beast lover to awkward chick magnet [Assistant: "Perhaps you should take of your shirt."] His lizard-faced love interest? [Tina] [Newt: "She has eyes just like a salamander" Jacob: "Don't say that."], master face maker Jacob who's... still making those faces, and the dreamy Queenie who heroically hypnotizes and kidnaps her boyfriend? [Jacob: I'm curious when you were gonna wake me up after we had five kids?]. Huh. Well at least she didn't join forces with wizard Hitler [Clip of Queenie joining forces with Gellert Grindelwald. Jacob: "Queen don't do it!"]. Ugh.
But don't worry about anyone that the first movie established as the main characters of the series. Because this one spends most of its time with characters you've never met or cared about. With multiple flashbacks of this lady's traumatic childhood [Leta Lestrange], her love triangle with Newt and his grim suit wearing brother [Theseus], the mission of this grim suit-wearing assassin [Grimmson], and this grim suit-wearing man [Yusuf Kama] who's hunting this grim suit boy from the first one [Credence]. Come on! This whole movie is just grim-faced people in suits talking! Even Dumbledore is just Jude Law looking grim in a suit! Can we just go back to Ron Weasley making dumb faces at stuff? [Ron Weasley's face contorts in goofy terror at the sight of Acromantula] Ahh, thanks, Weasley.
But while everyone else is grimly talking, the evil Grindelwald is also... mostly just talking. In living rooms! On roofs! In alleys! In creepy auditoriums! And while overlooking mountains at a very swanky ski lodge! All to unveil his master plan to prevent World War II?
Grindelwald: "Their power lust. How long will it take before they turn their weapons on us?"
Wait, what? So what you're saying is that wizard Hitler make some good points? [Queenie: "He wants what we want."]. Oof, bo. Is there a Hogwarts Express off this franchise or...?
So toss away your wizard robes, and literally suit up [images of 8 suit-wearing characters] for a Fantastic Beasts movie that's light on the beasts, but fantastically depressing! And start hoping for a chosen one to show up and save this franchise. 'Cause there's still three more of these slogs to go. [Credence: "Tell me my story, then you can end it."] You know what? I'm tapped out on fantasy prequels. Ugh, what else is on? Ugh. [Articles announcing Game of Thrones and Lord of the Rings spinoff shows] Game of Thrones and Lord of the Rings prequels? Fool me once, Hollywood! Just kidding! I'm gonna watch 'em.Starring: [Johnny Depp as Gellert Grindelwald] Emperor Pale-patine; [Eddie Redmayne as Newt Scamander] Sheldon Cooper; [Dan Fogler as Jacob Kowalski] Hey! I'm Gawkin' Here!; [Alison Sudol as Queenie] Get Out of My Head, Queenie!; [Ezra Miller as Credence Barebone] Black Hoooole Sun; [Katherine Waterston as Tina] American Auror Story; [Claudia Kim as Nagini] A High Schooler Is Gonna Behead This Lady Someday! Fun!; [Jude Law as Albus Dumbledore] Jude Law as Jude Law; The Greater Good [clips of characters saying "the greater good." Simon Pegg: "SHUT IT!"], and Attempting to Remember the Names of Any of These New Characters... [Zoë Kravitz as Leta Lestrange] Le-Leslie Lesadfaces?, [Poppy Corby-Tuech as Vinda Rosier] Eva Braunakedavra and [Kevin Guthrie as Abernathy] Riggly Sweatbrow?, [Ingvar Eggert Sigurðsson as Grimmson] Lt. Dale Badmage?, [William Nadylam as Yusuf Rama] I Don't Know, Frenchy McMysteryhat? [Grindelwald: (to Grimmson)"Your name will be written in glory."] Cool, cool. But, uh, like, what are their names?
Her Dark Material
[Clip of Gellert Grindelwald inhaling smoke using his skull-hookah.]
Leave it to Johnny Depp to introduce vaping to the Wizarding World.
- Head writer Spencer Gilbert contributed to this Honest Trailer, despite being away on paternity leave. He wrote the video's intro and emailed it to his colleagues on Friday afternoon. The team replaced the existing intro with Spencer's version. Spencer is the team's biggest Harry Potter fan, but also the hardest on the franchise because he loves it so much.
- In a deleted joke, Epic Voice Guy claimed that the movie was so complicated, viewers needed to do homework on the Harry Potter Wiki to understand it. Screen Junkies is owned by FANDOM, the company that hosts the Harry Potter Wiki. (Note: We, the writers of this wiki, were extremely grateful to the Harry Potter Wiki when we were transcribing the 'starring' names for the script section on very page!)
- Motions graphics artist Robert Holtby's original title design was longer. The writers thought it was incredibly beautiful, but shortened it to improve the Honest Trailer's pacing.
- In the Honest Trailers Commentary, writer/producer Joe Starr said the film suffers from "Star Wars prequel crimes" because there is so much standing around talking. Writer/producer Dan Murrell said he dislikes the way the film changes the tone and meaning of later events, for example Neville beheading Nagini should be a fist-bump moment, but now viewers will feel bad for the snake. Writer Danielle Radford said she doesn't want the Fantastic Beasts series to contain any more "wizard hate crimes"; she just wants the beasts.
- This is writer/comedian Danielle Radford's second writing credit on the Honest Trailers series. Her first was for the Honest Trailer for Black Panther.
- Screen Junkies have also produced Honest Trailers for Wizarding World movie franchise including Fantastic Beasts & Where to Film Them and Harry Potter, as well as other fantasy films including The Lord of the Rings, How to Train Your Dragon, Labyrinth, The Princess Bride, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, and The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies. See list of Honest Trailers for more.
Honest Trailers - Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald has a 97.6% approval rating from YouTube viewers. Many websites agreed wholeheartedly with Screen Junkies' take on the film. SlashFilm wrote "Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald makes us wish that we could obliviate ourselves of this entire franchise before it’s truly began, and the folks at Honest Trailers couldn’t agree more." Screen Rant wrote that "The Crimes of Grindelwald's Honest Trailer touches on most of the popular criticisms that've been raised about the film." The site highlighted Screen Junkies' complaints about the excessive number of characters and the abundance of exposition scenes. Screen Rant also noted "as the Honest Trailer points out, Wizarding World fans have grown increasingly frustrated with Rowling's expansion of and retcons to the franchise's mythology over the last decade." Wizards and What Not wrote that the Honest Trailer was "hilarious" and would please people who were not fans of the movie, as well as those who were.
Neatorama agreed the film was dark and confusing, and praised Honest Trailers for "mak[ing] the criticism entertaining." The Mary Sue was particularly scathing of Fantastic Beasts' dark tone in their review of the Honest Trailer, writing:
Honest Trailers touches on exactly what is wrong with The Crimes of Grindelwald: like the Snyder’s DCEU, it’s trying to take inspiration from Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy. Unfortunately for both Snyder’s entries and Fantastic Beasts, while they copy the color palette and dourness of said trilogy, they lack the allegory and depth of Nolan’s work. They are trying to deep, but it’s all window dressing. Just because you stack your film with “grim-faced people in suits talking” doesn’t mean you’re doing anything profound. And for that matter, who exactly was asking for a dour, humorless look at the Potterverse? (C. Steiner, March 13, 2019, The Mary Sue)
Production credits Edit
Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Edited by Kevin Williamsen
Assistant Editor: Emin Bassavand
- Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald Honest Trailer - Light on Beasts - Screen Rant article
- 'Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald' Gets an Honest Trailer - ComicBook.com article
- An Honest Trailer for Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald - Neatorama article
- Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald Gets an Honest Trailer - EpicStream article
- The Honest Trailer for Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald Asks “Why So Serious?” - The Mary Sue article
- ‘Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald’ Honest Trailer: Light on Beasts and Fantastically Depressing - SlashFilm article
- Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald Honest Trailer is out and it’s hillarious - Wizards And What Not article
- Honest Trailer For FANTASTIC BEASTS: THE CRIMES OF GRINDELWALD Shows How All The Fun Was Sucked out of the Franchise - Geek Tyrant article