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Fast Five is the 26th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert and Andy Signore. It parodies the 2011 action film Fast Five. In addition to regular narrator Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy, the trailer features an appearance from Jeremy Scott of CinemaSins, providing his trademark critique of the film. The video was published on May 21, 2013, to coincide with the theatrical release of Fast & Furious 6. It is 3 minutes and 46 seconds long. It has been viewed over 7.1 million times

Watch Honest Trailers - Fast Five on YouTube

"Prepare for the biggest hit of this street racing franchise, because it got rid of all the street racing." ~ Honest Trailers - Fast Five

ScriptEdit

From the blockbuster franchise that nobody loves, but everybody likes enough that they won't change the channel when it's on cable, comes the sequel that kinda sounds like a high-speed handjob: Fast Five. Wait, they've made five of these already?

Prepare for the biggest hit of this street racing franchise, because it got rid of all the street racing. Now, it's a heist film on wheels orchestrated by Vin Diesel, a passable action hero who, this time, must match wits with a far more charismatic action hero, The Rock, who's jacked up on baby oil.

Hobbs: I'll see you soon, Toretto. (he walks off, making squishing noises)

Together, they'll crank up the NoS on all the things you've come to expect from a Fast & Furious movie, like gear-shifting, mumble-growls (shows clips of Dom speaking incomprehensibly), and overt homoeroticism (shows Hobbs and Dom staring at each other as sexy saxophone music plays in the background).

To pull off one last job, Dom will need to gather everyone's favorite heist movie stereotypes (shows comparisons between characters from Fast Five and Ocean's Eleven): the hunky mastermind (shows Brian and Danny Ocean), the nerd (shows Tej and Livingston Dell), the Bernie Mac (shows Roman and Frank Catton), the guy who can't speak English (shows Leo and Yen), and the guy who's constantly snacking (shows Han and Rusty Ryan).

Gear up to steal $100 million with the dumbest criminals ever, as they take off their masks during robberies, go for leisurely strolls while all of Rio's drug gangs are after them, and drag race cop cars they just stole down the middle of the street. These heroes will stop at nothing to take down a sort-of ruthless drug lord (Hernan Reyes) by destroying poor neighborhoods, destroying rich neighborhoods, killing 22 cops with a giant metal safe, and ultimately leaving Rio in way worse shape than when they found it.

Hobbs: It's a hell of a mess.

Brian: Yeah, it is.

So refuel and ride along while these rebels break every law in the book...of physics (shows Brian and Dom leaping from a car as it plummets into the water), gravity (shows Brian and Dom jumping from a falling car), weight differential (shows a car hitting a bus, causing the bus to flip over), and friction (shows a giant safe skidding along a road without stopping). Buckle up for the fifth film in the franchise, that's technically the fourth, since the events of Fast 3 (The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift) take place after Fast 6 (Fast & Furious 6), making the third Fast the sixth Fast, possibly the seventh depending on where Fast 7 (Furious 7) ends up in the timeline. (shows a woman with exposed cleavage) Hey, look, car boobs!

Starring Mr. Potato Head (Vin Diesel as Dom Toretto), Bad Keanu (Paul Walker as Brian O'Conner), The Tooth Fairy (Dwayne Johnson as Luke Hobbs), Loofah! (Chris Bridges as Tej Parker), Tyrese Witherspoon (Tyrese Gibson as Roman Pierce), Liu Kang (Sung Kang as Han Seoul-Oh), and These Three Interchangeable Tough Girls (Jordana Brewster as Mia Toretto, Gal Gadot as Gisele Yashar, and Elsa Pataky as Elena Neves).

Fast Five.

(shows the characters street racing)

Jeremy Scott: Wait, if that quarter-mile street race took sixty seconds to finish, wouldn't that mean they're only driving fifteen miles an hour? (a count appears on a "Movie Sin Counter")

Jon Bailey: Ughhh, we get it, you can nitpick movies. But can you do this?

(shows Gisele in a bikini)

Gannon Nickell: Boobs. (a count appears on a "Bewb Counter")

Jeremy Scott: Ah, fair enough.

Trivia Edit

  • Screen Junkies have produced Honest Trailers for a few other films in the Fast & Furious franchise, including: Tokyo Drift, Furious 7 and Fate of the Furious.
  • An Honest Trailer Commentary for this episode was recorded and was available on the Screen Junkies Plus until the website/app was discontinued. Screen Junkies don't currently have any way of releasing the video.

Reception Edit

Honest Trailers - Fast Five has an 98.6% approval rating from YouTube viewers. The Hollywood Reporter found the Honest Trailer notable for calling out Vin Diesel's mumbling and the way the franchise breaks the laws of physics. EW said the Honest Trailer "takes you through everything you need to know" about the franchise. The Mary Sue wrote that Screen Junkies breakdown convinced them they didn't miss much by skipping Fast Five.

Production credits Edit

FastFive

Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Fast Five

Directed by Andy Signore

Executive Producer Mitch Rotter

Series Created by Andy Signore & Brett Weiner

Episode Written by Spencer Gilbert and Andy Signore

Edited by Dan Murrell

Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey

 See also Edit

External links Edit

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