Honest Trailers Wikia
Honest Trailers Wikia
Honest Trailers Wiki
1,241
pages
in: Honest Trailers, Screen Junkies, Golden Raspberry Awards,
and 10 more

Honest Trailer - Fifty Shades Darker

Sign in to edit

Fifty Shades Darker is the 198th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell and Andy Signore. It parodies the 2017 adaption of the erotic romance novel Fifty Shades Darker. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. Like the Honest Trailer for its predecessor, this video takes the format of a musical episode and features Jessica Jablonski performing a parody of the Beyoncé song "Crazy in Love". It was published on May 9, 2017, to coincide with the film's release on home video and Blu-ray. It is 5 minutes 10 seconds long. It has been viewed over 3.8 million times.

Watch Honest Trailers - Fifty Shades Darker on YouTube

"Witness sex scenes that throb with the imagination of a Bible study group, featuring two scenes of missionary with his pants on, one scene of doggy style with his pants on, an unrated bonus scene of doggy style with his pants on, a shower scene with his pants on, and a finale where they really push the envelope, by doing missionary with... his... pants... oooooff." ~ Honest Trailers - Fifty Shades Darker

Script[]

From FanFiction.net user Snowqueens Icedragon (E. L. James), and the screenwriter who married FanFiction.net user Snowqueens Icedragon (Niall Leonard), comes another horrifying reminder that your aunt probably gets off to this.

Fifty Shades Darker

You marveled at the first movie's total lack of sex appeal; now, the steamiest story you can buy at a Target is back, and it's cranking the naughty down from room-temp to ice-cold, in this two-hour movie that only has about ten minutes of actual sex in it, where they scale back the bondage...

Anastasia: (after Christian quickly removes a clamp from her finger) Ow.

...and amp up the normal, boring couple stuff.

Anastasia: You want a [...] vanilla relationship?

Nooo! That is not why I wore an overcoat to the theater! Epic Voice Guy doesn't want vanilla; he wants some rocky road!

Future murder victim Anastasia Steele returns, and she's suddenly into all the kinky stuff she used to hate for some reason.

Christian: Last time we did this, [...] you left.

Anastasia: Last time was different.

Watch as she spends an entire movie attempting in vain to show human emotion...

Christian: Hyde's out. He's been fired.

Anastasia: Whoa.

...being stalked by almost half a dozen different people (shows Leila Williams, José Rodriguez, Christian Grey, Elena Lincoln, and Jack Hyde), including... a ghost (?) (shows Anastasia being suddenly awakened while sleeping with Christian), and expressing her only personality trait: a general lack of knowledge about what should and shouldn't be put in her butt.

Anastasia: What are butt plugs?

Anastasia: No, you're not putting those in my butt.

Christian: (chuckles) They don't go in your butt.

Look, if you're going to date a guy with a sex dungeon, you really need to get your butt stuff figured out.

If you thought Christian Grey was a creep before, you ain't seen nothing yet. (shows Anastasia being frightened by Christian suddenly appearing) Watch as this walking red flag stalks his ex-girlfriend into submission...

Christian: Have dinner with me.

Anastasia: Okay, fine. I will have dinner with you.

...steals her financial information...

Anastasia: Why do you have my bank account details?

...buys the company she works for...

Anastasia: You can't start interfering in my career.

Christian: It's not about that.

...takes her to meet the older woman who scarred him for life...

Anastasia: Why would you take me to meet the woman who seduced and abused you?

...and basically admits that he spanks her because he wants to beat up his dead mom.

Christian: I get off on punishing women. Women who look like you...

Anastasia: Like your mother.

Seriously! Who actually thinks this movie is sexy?!

Anastasia: It's all wrong. All of this is wrong.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING!

But who cares about the plot or characters? You're here for the sex, and there's definitely some of that in this; witness sex scenes that throb with the imagination of a Bible study group, featuring two scenes of missionary with his pants on, one scene of doggy style with his pants on, an unrated bonus scene of doggy style with his pants on, a shower scene with his pants on, and a finale where they really push the envelope, by doing missionary with... his... pants... oooooff. The only thing less sexy than these sex scenes is how much these two seem like they actually hate each other in real life.

Natalie Morales: I imagine a lot of sex scenes. (cuts to Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson clearly looking uncomfortable)

Ugh... That's the look of two people regretting a paycheck.

Starring These Actual Quotes from the 'Fifty Shades Darker' Book That Didn't Make It Into the Movie...

  • "My inner goddess is doing a triple axle dismount off the uneven bars."
  • "He has a hotline to my groin."
  • "I have become my own island state. A ravaged, war-torn land where nothing grows and the horizons are bleak."

(to the tune of "Crazy in Love")

This movie's written so lazy right now
The book that it was based on so lazy right now

  • "Sweet Jesus, you're wearing stockings."
  • "I have a Christian Grey mix tape in the guise of a high-end iPad."
  • "'I do hope you're not overly fond of these panties.' He tears through them with his adept fingers, and they disintegrate in his hands."

I wish somebody would tase me right now
This story's 'bout as sexy as rabies right now

  • "In her pale pink, frothy baby-doll dress and killer heels, she towers over me like a Christmas tree fairy."
  • "My mouth drops open. 'Kinky f*ckery?', I squeak. 'Kinky f*ckery.' 'I can't believe you said that. I like your kinky f*ckery.'"

At least no one was dumb enough to let that phrase in the movie.

Anastasia: I was being romantic, and then you just go and distract me with your kinky f*ckery.

Oh, come on!

Oh, I'll just go
And watch a porno

Fifty Fifty Chance I Don't Make It Through the Next One

for Fifty Shades Darker - Fifty Fifty Chance I Don't Make It Through the Next One. Title design by .

Honest title for Fifty Shades Darker - Fifty Fifty Chance I Don't Make It Through the Next One. Title design by Robert Holtby.

You know what the most messed-up thing about Christian Grey is? The framed Chronicles of Riddick poster in his bedroom. (zooms in on said poster) Run, Anastasia, run!

Trivia[]

  • Screen Junkies have also created Honest Trailers for the other films in the Fifty Shades series: Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Shades Freed.
  • An Honest Trailer Commentary for this episode was recorded and was available on the Screen Junkies Plus until the website/app was discontinued. Screen Junkies don't currently have any way of releasing the video.

Reception[]

Honest Trailers - Fifty Shades Darker has a 97.7% approval rating from YouTube viewers. MovieFone wrote "it doesn't matter if you loved, hated, never watched, never cared about, or never even heard of Fifty Shades Darker: You will laugh out loud at least once at Screen Junkies' Honest Trailer for it." Slate applauded the Honest Trailer for finding humor in the film, writing "the good people over at Screen Junkies, at least, recognize the film’s inherent comedic value." In the same article, Slate also noted "there’s so much fodder for mockery in these movies that this Honest Trailer doesn’t even get to some of Fifty Shades Darker’s best scenes." In a similar vein, EW noted Fifty Shades Darker was Screen Junkies "easiest target yet." CinemaBlend wrote "one thing this video hits on the head is ... there hasn't actually been any nudity on the male side." Looper found the Honest Trailer notable for highlighting the film's awkward sex scenes and the stars' lack of chemistry. Insider also praised the Honest Trailer for pointing out how boring the film is.

Production credits[]

Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Fifty Shades Darker

Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Fifty Shades Darker

Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey

Title design by Robert Holtby

Original music by Sean Motley

Vocals by Jessica Jablonski

Series Created by Andy Signore & Brett Weiner

Executive Producer - Andy Signore

Producers - Dan Murrell, Spencer Gilbert, Michael Bolton, Christina Kline

Written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell & Andy Signore

Edited by Kevin Williamsen and TJ Nordaker

External links[]

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.