Gladiator is the 162nd episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr, and Andy Signore. It parodies the 2000 epic historical drama film Gladiator. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It was published on August 16, 2016, to coincide with the theatrical release of Ben-Hur (2016). It is 4 minutes 45 seconds long. It has been viewed over 3.5 million times.
Watch Honest Trailers - Gladiator on YouTube
"The most well-executed pro wrestling story of all time, complete with a kickass man of the people, supported by chanting crowds, fighting an evil authority figure, who cheats to win, that ends with them beating the crap out of each other in front of a screaming crowd." ~ Honest Trailers - Gladiator
Script[]
From Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe... when that still meant something (shows the posters for A Good Year, Robin Hood (2010), and Body of Lies), comes the sword-and-sandal movie that was so successful, it gave us Troy, Alexander, two Hercules movies, a Clash of the Titans remake, and another Ben-Hur. Great...
Gladiator
Return to the high point of Rome's sophistication, for a film made during the low point of our own, where Limp Bizkit ruled the charts (shows Limp Bizkit's "Chocolate Starfish And The Hot Dog Flavored Water" as the #1 album of the week of November 4, 2000 on the Billboard 200), Mission: Impossible II ruled the box office (a Box Office Mojo page pops up showing Mission: Impossible II's worldwide gross of $546,388,105), and this movie won Best Picture. I mean, don't get me wrong; it kicks ass, but the early 2000s do not deserve our nostalgia.
Russell Crowe stars as Maximus, in the role that made him so famous, he thought he could get away with this.
Russell Crowe ("Weight of a Man"): (singing) There's ghosts and there's witches, there's black eyes and stitches. They come with me, it's part of the show.
Maximus: ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!
No. No, I am not. Watch Max take on every challenge in his life with calm, stoic acceptance, calm, stoic dirt-rubbing, or calm, stoic wheat-petting, in this one-note performance that won him Best Actor...
Maximus: Strength and honor.
Quintus: Strength and honor.
...but damn, if that one note doesn't get me pumped!
Commodus: You do have a name.
Maximus: My name is Gladiator.
Hell yeah!
Thrill as Maximus gets captured, trained, and forced to do battle, in what's basically a human Pokémon League, as he seeks revenge on the off-putting weirdo Joaquin Phoenix, who, in this movie, plays the off-putting weirdo Commodus.
Commodus: AM I NOT MERCIFUL?!
Witness one of the most disturbing performances ever, as the evil emperor shows off his many daddy issues...
Commodus: (tearing up) I searched the faces of the gods... for ways to please you...
...sister issues...
Commodus: Stay with me tonight.
Lucilla: You know I won't.
Commodus: Then kiss me.
...and... nephew issues?
Commodus: He sleeps so well because he's loved.
Ew! He's basically Jaime Lannister if he couldn't fight... or command an army... or bang his sister... or, really, do anything else right.
Enjoy a confusing mix of real history and fake stuff they kind of just made up, featuring a real Roman emperor, who suffers a made-up betrayal, by his real son, who tries to kill this made-up general, who goes on to win real gladiator games; but when this real emperor fights this fake gladiator, which really happened (an Ancient Origins article with the title "Commodus - the Outrageous Emperor who Fought as a Gladiator" pops up), they pretend he died in the arena, when really, his wrestling partner strangled him in the bath. Hey, it might be fake, but it's still a hundred times more real than 300. WHY IS A GOAT THERE?!
So strap in for the most well-executed pro wrestling story of all time, complete with a kickass man of the people, supported by chanting crowds, fighting an evil authority figure, who cheats to win, that ends with them beating the crap out of each other in front of a screaming crowd. (shows an arena crowd chanting Maximus' name) Hell yeah! Maximus 3:16 says...
Maximus: My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius...
Mmkay.
Maximus: ...commander of the armies of the north, general of the Felix Legions...
Uh-huh...
Maximus: ...loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius...
All right...
Maximus: ...father to a murdered son...
Yeah.
Maximus: ...husband to a murdered wife...
Wrap it up...
Maximus: ...and I will have my vengeance...
I got things to do.
Maximus: ...in this life or the next.
Yeah, we're going to have to work on your catchphrase, Max; no way that fits on a t-shirt.
Starring: Spartacrowe (Russell Crowe as Maximus Decimus Meridius); Emperor Dumbledore I (Richard Harris as Marcus Aurelius); Joe-a-quin Phone-ix (Joaquin Phoenix as Commodus); Caesar Flickerman (David Hemmings as Cassius); Watto (Oliver Reed as Antonius Proximo); and Little Caesar's (Spencer Treat Clark as Lucius Verus).
Honest title for Gladiator - Mad Maximus: Fury Rome. Title design by Robert Holtby.
(plays a snippet of Hans Zimmer's score during the opening battle) This movie's so good, you'll forget Hans Zimmer basically reused its music for Pirates of the Caribbean. (plays a similar-sounding track from Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl) Hans... Bubbe...
Trivia[]
- Screen Junkies have produced Honest Trailers for several other historical movies including Braveheart, 300, Robin Hood (2018), Pearl Harbor, Forrest Gump, The Revenant, The Greatest Showman and Titanic. For more, see list of Honest Trailers.
- An Honest Trailer Commentary for this episode was recorded and was available on the Screen Junkies Plus until the website/app was discontinued. Screen Junkies don't currently have any way of releasing the video.
Reception []
Honest Trailers - Gladiator has a 97.8% approval rating from YouTube viewers. The Playlist wrote that the Honest Trailer was like a "loving poke in the ribs" from Screen Junkies. The Playlist noted that Screen Junkies "like the movie, but also lightly mock Crowe’s particularly stoic performance that doesn’t modulate all that much, Joaquin Phoenix’s weird/creepy turn, and a narrative that has all the nuance of a pro-wrestling story." SlashFilm wrote "this Honest Trailer is right to point out that the early 2000s were full of some pretty awful junk." Nerdist made a similar comment, noting "sometimes it feels as though Gladiator gets unfair criticism because it won the Academy Award for the best movie, but as this trailer points out the early 2000s weren’t exactly brimming with mankind’s finest work." Time highlighted the Honest Trailer for pointing out the film's plot "is eerily similar to that of a WWE showdown." EW appreciated the Honest Trailer for addressing the issues of historical accuracy in the film.
Production credits[]
Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Gladiator
Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey
Title design by Robert Holtby
Series Created by Andy Signore & Brett Weiner
Written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell, & Andy Signore
Edited by Bruce Guido
External links []
- ‘Gladiator’ Honest Trailer: The Most Well-Executed Pro Wrestling Story of All Time- Slash Film article
- Are You Not Entertained By The ‘Gladiator’ Honest Trailer? - Uproxx article
- GLADIATOR’S HONEST TRAILER IS THE BOTTOM LINE BECAUSE MAXIMUS SAYS SO - Nerdist article
- The Hilarious Honest Trailer for Gladiator Proves It's Really Just a Pro Wrestling Story - Time article
- Honest Trailers Presents Ridley Scott’s ‘Gladiator’ - Geeks of Doom article
- Gladiator faces off with Honest Trailers - EW article
- Honest Trailer For ‘Gladiator,’ Featuring Russell Crowe’s One Note Performance That Won Him An Oscar - The Playlist article