Halloween Kills is the 420th episode of the Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Logan Rees, Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2021 slasher film Halloween Kills. It was published on October 26, 2021, in anticipation of Halloween. It is 6 minutes and 11 seconds long. It has been viewed over 100,000 times.
Script[]
The franchise that's been rebooted more times (shows the posters for the original Halloween, Halloween H20: 20 Years Later, the 2007 reboot, and 2018's Halloween) than Lieutenant Dangle has returned...
Lieutenant Dangle (Reno 911!): New boot goofing. (flashes his boots) Oh!
...and after making a killing in theaters (a Boxoffice Pro article with the title "WEEKEND BOX OFFICE: Halloween Kills Carves Up Killer $50.35M Opening" pops up), one thing is for sure: people would rather get COVID than sign up for Peacock.
Halloween Kills
You thrilled as the Strodes faced off against Michael Myers; now, get ready to see what literally everyone else in town was up to that night. From Dr. Loomis' nurse (Marion Chambers), to the kid Laurie used to babysit (Tommy Doyle), to the kid Laurie's friend used to babysit (Lindsey Wallace), to the kid that used to bully the kid that Laurie used to babysit (Lonnie Elam), all of Haddonfield will band together to reminisce about that five minutes of screen time they got 40 years ago.
Tommy: 40 years ago, a madman escaped from a mental hospital.
Leigh Brackett: He killed my daughter 40 years ago!
Cameron Elam: He's infected my family with grief and fear for 40 years.
Allyson: Michael Myers has haunted this town for 40 years.
Tommy: (to Laurie) 40 years ago, when I was a kid, you protected me.
Michael Myers has returned, extra crispy. He'll pick up right where he left off: mindlessly killing people (shows Myers repeatedly stabbing a man), then very mindfully arranging their bodies in an artful tableau.
"Myers": (stabs a corpse) Hmm, it's missing a certain je ne sais quoi. Perhaps... one more knife... (grabs a knife from a rack) riiiiight... there. (stabs the corpse again)
And the only thing standing in his path is franchise stalwart Laurie Strode. No? She might as well be in a coma? Okay. Standing in the way of Mike is Allyson Strode, the next-in-line to take over the franchise. No? She immediately proves she isn't worthy?
Allyson: (after being rather quickly overpowered by Myers) DO IIIT!!
Okay. Standing in the way of Mike is Karen Strode, who finally realized her mom was right and became the badass she was raised to become. No? She's still trying to calm things down? (montage of Karen trying to yell over others but failing to be heard or listened to) Wow, okay. Standing in the way of Mike are two gay pirates and an elderly couple with a drone -- Cool. -- 'cause this was clearly the middle part of a trilogy, and this killer is craving some filler for Halloween.
Little John: Do you know what happens to people who come into the Myers home without an invitation?
Girl: We're not even scared.
Big John: He stabbed his sister in the t*ts.
You were impressed/confused to learn Danny McBride helped write these reboots, but it takes someone like Kenny Powers to write characters this stupid (Myers kicks the car door at Vanessa, who hits herself with her gun and accidentally shoots and kills herself), as all of Haddonfield fights back on Halloween night in the dumbest ways possible, whether they're splitting into smaller and smaller groups...
Vanessa: Lindsey, I wouldn't go--
Lindsey: Stay here. (leaves the car)
Allyson: Okay, so the key is we stick together.
Lonnie: No, I'm going in alone.
Cameron: What?
...falling for the same tricks they did 40 years ago (shows Marion being attacked by Myers in a similar way as the original film), mistaking a Danny DeVito lookalike for Michael Myers even though they all grew up with him and his face is on the news (Lance jumps from a window to his death in front of a crowd of protesters)...
Leigh: It's not him!
...and showing up to a climactic beatdown in their PJs. Look, that guy brought a hockey stick. Who plays cricket in Haddonfield, Illinois? They're going with a clothes iron! Where are all of your guns?! I thought this was America! And you're just going to leave him there?! You're not going to chop him up into pieces or blow the body up like a beached whale?! He's just going to get up again! (after playing possum, Myers attacks the crowd) See?! What did I just say?! HOW DRUNK ARE YOU PEOPLE?!
Prepare yourself for a film with a message: Are remorseless serial killers what we should be worried about, or is forming a mob to stop them the real evil? And... Like, the former. Duh. Moving on.
So enjoy a muddled new installment, that tries to strike a balance between the old-school scares of the slasher genre, the self-aware comedy of the current era...
Vanessa: Michael Myers is in the back seat. Go look.
Marcus: Go look? Hell no!
...a little bit of John Wick (?) (shows Myers murdering firefighters with extreme efficiency), and social commentary usually reserved for Jordan Peele or an A24 film about a goat that stands for a miscarriage or whatever. (Lamb) It may not be perfect, but it's still a perfect example of a nostalgia-fueled sequel to a reboot made to erase bad sequels that itself was a reboot of the sequels that got rebooted to erase in the first place-- And my nose is bleeding again; greeeat.
Starring: The Shove (James Jude Courtney and Nick Castle as Michael Myers/The Shape, with a montage of times he shoved his victims into walls); Strode Rage (Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode); A Karen (Judy Greer as Karen Nelson); Ally McSqueal (Andi Matichak as Allyson Nelson); I Did My Own Research (Anthony Michael Hall as Tommy Doyle); Lonnnieee Jennnnnkins (Robert Longstreet as Lonnie Elam)...
Lonnie: No, I'm going in alone.
...Officer Involved Rebooting (Charles Cyphers as Leigh Brackett); The Real Housewives of Haddonfield (Kyle Richards as Lindsey Wallace); Stewwwwart? (Michael McDonald as Little John); The Speed School of Hostage Negotiation (shows Deputy Frank Hawkins accidentally shooting his partner who was held hostage by Myers); Better Cameo Saul (a yearbook photo of Bob Odenkirk used for Bob Simms in a news report); and Hall O'Weiners (sic) (shows Laurie kneeing a doctor in the groin in the middle of a panicked crowd at the hospital).
This Is 40 (Years Ago When Michael Myers Killed My Family)
The honest title for Halloween Kills was ‘This Is 40 (Years Ago When Michael Myers Killed My Family)’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
The actual coolest part of this movie? Realistic Donald Pleasence prosthetics. (shows Tom Jones, Jr. in makeup as Dr. Samuel Loomis, compared with footage of Donald Pleasence as the character) Wow, say that three times fast. "Donald Pleasence prosthetics", "Donald Pleasence prosthetics", "Donald Pleasence prosthetics".
Viewer's Comments[]
Can you please say "Babooshka"? - Aleksandr Dmytriv
Please say "by the power of Grayskull, I have the power" but in your optimus prime voice - Neclord X
Trivia[]
Reception[]
Production Credits[]
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Written by: Logan Rees, Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford, & Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert
Associate Producer: Ryan O'Toole
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen & Randy Whitlock
Post-Production Supervisor: Emin Bassavand
Post-Production Coordinator: Mikołaj Kossakowski
Assistant Editor: Rebecca Castaneda
Director of Video Production: Max Dionne
Executive Producer: Roth Cornet