Jurassic Park 3 is the 250th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr and Dan Murrell. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2001 film Jurassic Park 3, which is a sequel to Jurassic Park (1993) and The Lost World (1997). It was published on June 19, 2018 to coincide with the theatrical release of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. It is 4 minutes 12 seconds long. It has been viewed over 2.5 million times.
Watch Honest Trailers - Jurassic Park 3 on YouTubeS
"The one where a dinosaur says 'Alan!'" ~ Honest Trailers - Jurassic Park 3
Script[]
They welcomed you to Jurassic Park. Then, they welcomed you to the lost world. Now, the franchise just kinda wears out its welcome in... (shows Grant staring in confusion as a T. rex roars)
Jurassic Park III
"Alan" Raptor: Alan.
Before you see the fifth Jurassic movie (Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom), revisit the chapter that made these movies go extinct for 15 years, combining a rehashed plot...
Udesky: You mean there are two islands with dinosaurs?
Paul: All right.
Amanda: You know what?
...and TV-quality effects (shows a fake-looking Brachiosaurus), to score the lowest critical response of the series. (shows the film's average of 42 on Metacritic and 50% on Rotten Tomatoes) Ugh, why couldn't Universal have just listened to Jeff Goldblum?
Malcolm (Jurassic Park): They were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should.
"Alan" Raptor: Alan.
Sam Neill returns as Indiana Jones minus all charisma.
Grant: That's the great thing about bones. They never run away.
Witness the most meta role of his career, as he plays a guy pressured by fans into going back to Jurassic Park...
Grant: Does anyone have a question that does not relate to Jurassic Park?
...who finally gives in because of a paycheck...
Paul: I could write all kinds of numbers on this check, Dr. Grant.
...while his more successful co-star literally phones in her part from home.
Sattler: (as Grant's phone cuts out) Hello?
They'll be joined by a cast of new dumb characters, like Billy, who carries a parachute, on land, for the entire movie, just in case this happens (shows Billy deploying his parachute in the Pteranodon enclosure); the mandatory Jurassic Park child of divorce (shows Lex and Tim Murphy in Jurassic Park, Kelly Curtis in The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Eric Kirby in this film, and Zach and Gray Mitchell in Jurassic World); Téa Leoni yelling (montage of Amanda screaming); and William H. Macy as a timid paint salesman who scams a team of mercenaries and kidnaps Dr. Grant to rescue his kid from the hotshot who's dating his wife. Huh... I think if they told the story from his perspective, this movie might actually be good.
Grant: (holding a beaker of T. rex urine) This is T. rex pee?
Eric: (nods)
Never mind.
"Alan" Raptor: Alan.
Do you like dinosaurs? Well, not for long, because this movie ruins every last one of them, killing off the T. rex in seconds (shows the T. rex's corpse being thrown to the ground by the Spinosaurus) just to show off how badass the Spinosaurus is, weirdly obsessing over the raptors' vocal cords...
Grant: Do you remember the sounds they made?
(shows Charlie and Grant blowing into a reproduced raptor vocal chamber)
...and making the dinosaurs earth-shakingly loud (shows the camera shaking as a T. rex walks by), but still has them sneak up on people like Teflon-clad ninjas. (shows the Spinosaurus staring at the survivors as the satellite phone rings in its stomach)
"Alan" Raptor: Alan.
So gear up for the most forgettable Jurassic Park movie, that forgot to include any antagonists, forgot to save any of its budget for an actual ending...
Eric: She sent the Navy and the Marines.
...and forgot they put the phrase "my God" into the script nine different times. (montage of characters saying "my God") My God... That's lazy.
"Alan" Raptor: Alan.
Starring: Alan! (Sam Neill as Dr. Alan Grant); Shameless (William H. Macy as Paul Kirby); Téa and the T-Rex (Téa Leoni as Amanda Kirby); This Pratt (Alessandro Nivola as Billy Brennan); Lemme Put You On Holdo for a Minute (Laura Dern as Dr. Ellie Sattler); People Tripping All Over Themselves (montage of characters falling over); and This Velociraptor on a Plane Shouting Alan!
"Alan" Raptor: Alan.
The One Where a Dinosaur Says "Alan"
Honest title for Jurassic Park 3 - The One Where a Dinosaur Says "Alan". Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
I'm just going to go ahead and pretend this whole movie is a dream prequel to the Lego video game.
Lego Grant: (gasps)
Lego "Alan" Raptor: Alan.
Lego Grant: (gasps)
Lego Sattler Raptor: Alan?
Lego Grant: (gasps)
Lego Malcolm Raptor: Dr. Grant?
Trivia []
Honest Trailers Commentary - Jurassic Park 3
- This video features a dinosaur saying Alan 8 times, the most of any Honest Trailer.
- Screen Junkies have produced Honest Trailers for many movies in the Jurassic franchise, including Jurassic Park, The Lost World, Jurassic World and Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. See list of Honest Trailers for more.
- In addition, there is an episode of Honest Game Trailers that parodies the many Jurassic Park Games that have been released over the years. It features a special guest appearance by Jurassic Park actor Jeff Goldblum!
Watch the full commentary on YouTube
Reception[]
Honest Trailers - Jurassic Park 3 has a 95.3% approval rating from YouTube viewers. Slashfilm said the Honest Trailer "really hits home how awful [Jurassic Park 3] truly is." The Playlist wrote that the Honest Trailer "highlights some of the more obnoxious and least effective parts" of Jurassic Park 3. Cinemablend praised the Honest Trailer for pointing out "just how absurd the film's use of dinosaurs truly is." Geek Tyrant said all the criticisms in the Honest Trailer "are definitely deserved."
Production credits[]
Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Jurassic Park 3
Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey
Title design by Robert Holtby
Producers - Dan Murrell, Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr and Max Dionne
Written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr and Dan Murrell
Supervising Producer: Warren Tessler
Production Coordinator: Sarah Rivera
Edited by Kevin Williamsen and TJ Nordaker
Post-Production Supervisor: Gracie Hartmann
Post-Production Coordinator: Carolyn Croce
Assistant Editor: Emin Bassavand
External links[]
- ‘Jurassic Park 3’ Honest Trailer: The Movie That Finally Ruined Dinosaurs for Everyone - Slashfilm article
- ‘Jurassic Park III’ Honest Trailer: The Movie That Left The Franchise Extinct The Playlist article
- Jurassic Park 3 Honest Trailer: Dinosaurs Can't Save This Dud - ScreenRant article
- Jurassic Park 3 Honest Trailer Rips Into The Movie's Use Of Dinosaurs - CinemaBlend article
- Honest Trailer For JURASSIC PARK 3 - The Movie That Put The Franchise on Hold For 15 Years Geek Tyrant article