Jurassic Park 3 is the 250th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr and Dan Murrell. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2001 film Jurassic Park 3, which is a sequel to Jurassic Park (1993) and The Lost World (1997). It was published on June 19, 2018 to coincide with the theatrical release of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. It is 4 minutes 12 seconds long. It has been viewed over 2.5 million times.
Watch Honest Trailers - Jurassic Park 3 on YouTubeS
"The one where a dinosaur says 'Alan!'" ~ Honest Trailers - Jurassic Park 3
Script
They welcomed you to Jurassic Park, then they welcomed you to The Lost World, now the franchise just kind of wears out its welcome in Jurassic Park 3 (Raptor: ALAN!)
Before you see the fifth Jurassic movie, revisit the chapter that made these movies go extinct for 15 years. Combining a rehash plot (Man: You mean there are two islands with dinosaurs on them? Tea Leoni and William H. Macy: Alright!), and TV quality effects, to score the lowest critical response of the series. Why couldn't Universal have just listen to Jeff Goldblum (Ian Malcolm: They were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should). (Raptor: ALAN!)
Sam Neil returns as Indiana Jones minus all charisma (Dr Alan Grant: That's the great thing about bones: they never run away.). Witness the most meta role of his career as he plays a guy pressured by fans into going back to Jurassic Park. (Dr Alan Grant: Does anyone have a question that does not relate to Jurassic Park?), who finally gives in because of a paycheck (William H. Macy: I could write all kinds of numbers on this check Dr. Grant), while his more successful co-star literally phones in her part from home. (Laura Dern [on phone]: Hello?). They'll be joined by a cast of new dumb characters like Billy who carries a parachute - on land - for the entire movie just in case this happens (Billy jumps off pterodactyl enclosure); the mandatory Jurassic Park child of divorce; Téa Leoni yelling (montage of yelling Eric!); and William H Macy as a timid paint salesman who scams a team of mercenaries and kidnaps Dr. Grant to rescue his kid from the hot shot who's dating his wife. Huh. I think if they told the story from his perspective, this movie might actually be good. (Dr Alan Grant: This is T-rex pee) Never mind. (Raptor: ALAN!)
Do you like dinosaurs? Well not for long because this movie ruins every last one of them: killing off the t-rex in seconds just to show how badass the Spinosaurus is; weirdly obsessing over the Raptors vocal chords (Dr Alan Grant: Do you remember the sounds they made? [Boy blows through bone, making raptor noise] [Dr Alan Grant blows through bone]) and making the dinosaurs earth-shakingly loud, but still as them sneak up on people like Teflon-clad ninjas. (Spinosaurus sneaks up on humans - no one notices until it starts beeping) (Raptor: ALAN!)
So gear up for the most forgettable Jurassic Park movie that forgot to include any antagonists, forgot to save any of its budget for an actual ending (Boy: She sent the Navy and the marines), and forgot they put the phrase "My God" into the script nine different times (montage of "My God" and "Oh my God."). My God, that's lazy. (Raptor: ALAN!)
Starring: [Sam Neill as Dr. Alan Grant] ALAN!; [William H. Macy as Paul Kirby] Shameless; [Téa Leoni as Amanda Kirby] Tea and the T-rex; [Allessandro Nivola as Billy Brennan] This Pratt; [Laura Dern as Dr. Ellie Sattler] Let Me Put You On Holdo For A Minute; People Tripping All Over Themselves (montage of tripping); and This Velociraptor On A Plane Shouting Alan! (Raptor: ALAN!).
Honest title for Jurassic Park 3 - The One Where a Dinosaur Says Alan. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
The One Where A Dinosaur Says Alan
I'm just gonna go ahead and pretend this whole movie is a dream prequel to the LEGO video game.
Lego raptor Billy: ALAN!
Lego raptor Ellie: ALAN!
Lego raptor Ian: Dr Grant!
Trivia
Honest Trailers Commentary - Jurassic Park 3
- This video features a dinosaur saying Alan 8 times, the most of any Honest Trailer.
- Screen Junkies have produced Honest Trailers for many movies in the Jurassic franchise, including Jurassic Park, The Lost World, Jurassic World and Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. See list of Honest Trailers for more.
- In addition, there is an episode of Honest Game Trailers that parodies the many Jurassic Park Games that have been released over the years. It features a special guest appearance by Jurassic Park actor Jeff Goldblum!
Watch the full commentary on YouTube
Reception
Honest Trailers - Jurassic Park 3 has a 95.3% approval rating from YouTube viewers. Slashfilm said the Honest Trailer "really hits home how awful [Jurassic Park 3] truly is." The Playlist wrote that the Honest Trailer "highlights some of the more obnoxious and least effective parts" of Jurassic Park 3. Cinemablend praised the Honest Trailer for pointing out "just how absurd the film's use of dinosaurs truly is." Geek Tyrant said all the criticisms in the Honest Trailer "are definitely deserved."
Production credits
Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Jurassic Park 3
Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey
Title design by Robert Holtby
Producers - Dan Murrell, Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr and Max Dionne
Written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr and Dan Murrell
Supervising Producer: Warren Tessler
Production Coordinator: Sarah Rivera
Edited by Kevin Williamsen and TJ Nordaker
Post-Production Supervisor: Gracie Hartmann
Post-Production Coordinator: Carolyn Croce
Assistant Editor: Emin Bassavand
External links
- ‘Jurassic Park 3’ Honest Trailer: The Movie That Finally Ruined Dinosaurs for Everyone - Slashfilm article
- ‘Jurassic Park III’ Honest Trailer: The Movie That Left The Franchise Extinct The Playlist article
- Jurassic Park 3 Honest Trailer: Dinosaurs Can't Save This Dud - ScreenRant article
- Jurassic Park 3 Honest Trailer Rips Into The Movie's Use Of Dinosaurs - CinemaBlend article
- Honest Trailer For JURASSIC PARK 3 - The Movie That Put The Franchise on Hold For 15 Years Geek Tyrant article