Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is the 262nd episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2018 science-fiction sequel film Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. It was published on September 18, 2018, to coincide with the film's release on home video and Blu-ray. It is 5 minutes and 3 seconds long. It has been viewed over 1.9 million times.
Watch Honest Trailers - Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom on YouTube
"Bid farewell to your Jurassic Park fandom, as it's slowly and painfully choked to death by the smoldering ash of the thing you once loved." ~ Honest Trailers - Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
Script[]
Just when you thought the Jurassic franchise couldn't get any dumber...
"Alan" Raptor (Jurassic Park III): Alan.
...a sequel will show anyone still clinging to the corpse of the original, you... ain't... seen... stupid... yet.
Owen: Back for more, huh?
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
Return to Isla Nublar... Is-la? I-la? I-Ice-la? Return to Dinosaur Island, a place two different billionaires (Dr. John Hammond and Simon Masrani) picked for their theme park, without caring that it was on top of a f*cking volcano; now, after the original park was destroyed, and the park they rebuilt was destroyed, what's left of that park will be destroyed, unless another billionaire (Sir Benjamin Lockwood) can build a new Dinosaur Island and start the cycle all over again. Because when it comes to Jurassic Park, dumb...
Malcolm (Jurassic Park): --uh... finds a way.
Meet another flock of one-dimensional morons, some new (Eli Mills), some familiar (Dr. Henry Wu), like Claire, the caring animal activist, or Owen, the cold-hearted mercenary.
Claire: Blue is alive.
Claire: You're just gonna let her die?
Owen: Well, yeah.
And if you're wondering why their personalities switched in between films, uh, hey, look over there! It's Jeff Goldblum! You like him, right?
Malcolm: (sighs)
Thrill as these old... favorites (?) are joined by all-new dinguses, like... Wheatley, a paramilitary guy to replace the last paramilitary guy (Vic Hoskins), who replaced the last paramilitary guys (Udesky and Cooper), who replaced the last paramilitary guy (Roland Tembo); Maisie, a half-baked clone of all the other kids in the franchise (shows Maisie alongside Lex and Tim Murphy, Kelly Curtis, Eric Kirby, and Gray Mitchell), literally; a loose collection of nerd clichés (shows Franklin Webb screaming at a Velociraptor); and Zia, the spunky paleoveterinarian who's never seen a dinosaur before.
Zia: Never thought I'd see one in real life.
Wait, really? You studied dino medicine while the park was open to the public, and not only have you never seen one, you never thought you'd see one? What online vet school faxed you a degree? Why bring you instead of a vet who actually worked at the park?! AND WHY DID THIS MOVIE MAKE A BILLION DOLLARS?! Uh... but, look over there! There's the car from the first movie! So, I guess it's a wash.
Watch as the dinosaurs you used to look at with awe and reverence get turned into Looney Tunes (montage of "funny" moments with dinosaurs with cartoon sound effects added in), led by another pointless hybrid: the Indoraptor; she's part raptor, and part Indominus rex, which was also part raptor...
Owen (Jurassic World): That thing's part raptor.
...so now, she's, like, even more parts raptor, and she'll kill whoever you can point a gun at.
Mr. Eversoll: --trained to respond to a pulse coded, laser-targeting system.
But if you're confused as to how that's more efficient than just shooting someone... uh, l-look! It's, uh, an oil painting of John Hammond...? Does that still do it for you? No? (shows Owen crying)
Enjoy a feature-length homage to the other weak follow-up to a Jurassic Park movie, The Lost World, (montage of scenes shared between the two films) where an old cast member gets summoned to the estate of an ailing original park founder, then sent to the island to save the dinosaurs, only to get double-crossed by a slimeball junior exec, who secretly hired a hunter to bring the dinosaurs back to the mainland for profit, but while Lost World turned the third act into Diet Godzilla, Fallen Kingdom limits all the action to the inside of an old man's house, and then ends right when it gets interesting. Remember this shot from the actual trailer? (shows a group of surfers swimming next to the Mosasaurus) Yeah, this is really just a trailer for the next movie inside this movie.
So get ready to suspend your disbelief, and/or the flow of oxygen to your brain, for the best reason since Book of Henry for keeping Colin Trevorrow 500 yards away from a Star Wars script at all times, and finally bid farewell to your Jurassic Park fandom, as it's slowly and painfully choked to death by the smoldering ash of the thing you once loved. (shows a Brachiosaurus bellowing in agony as it's overtaken by volcanic ash) U-Uh, quick! Cut to the Brachiosaurus from the first movie! (a ScreenRant article with the title "Fallen Kingdom Features the Death of the Original Jurassic Park Brachiosaurus" pops up) That's the same one?! What is wrong with you people?!
Starring: Red Head Redemption (Bryce Dallas Howard as Claire Dearing); Indiana Groans and the Tentpole of Gloom (Chris Pratt as Owen Grady); Wuump (Cloned a Liz) (BD Wong as Dr. Henry Wu); X Twenty Twee (Isabella Sermon as Maisie Lockwood); Lord Plotwood of Deviceingham (James Cromwell as Sir Benjamin Lockwood); Billy Quizboy (Toby Jones as Mr. Eversoll, alongside Billy Quizboy from The Venture Bros.); Courage the Cowardly Dev (Justice Smith as Franklin Webb); It Puts the Dinos in Their Pen or Else It Gets the Hose Again (Ted Levine as Ken Wheatley); Fun for the Whole Family! (shows the Brachiosaurus dying again); and 30 Minutes of Goldblum's Time, 30 Seconds of Actual Movie, and 30% of the Misleading Trailer (Jeff Goldblum as Dr. Ian Malcolm).
The Bland Before Time
Honest title for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom - The Bland Before Time. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
Maisie: (after the dinosaurs escape due to her opening the estate's cage doors) I had to. They're alive. Like me.
What?!
Trivia[]
Honest Trailers Commentary - Jurassic World- Fallen Kingdom
- During the Honest Trailer Commentary, all the Honest Trailers writers said they passionately hated this film. This made this Honest Trailer hard to write - they just had too much to say about the film. They writers suggested they could have easily gone through the film scene by scene and criticized it.
- This Honest Trailer include the Alan raptor clip from Jurassic Park 3.
- Screen Junkies have produced Honest Trailers for many movies in the Jurassic franchise, including Jurassic Park, The Lost World, Jurassic Park 3 and Jurassic World. See list of Honest Trailers for more.
- In addition, there is an episode of Honest Game Trailers that parodies the many Jurassic Park Games that have been released over the years. It features a special guest appearance by Jurassic Park actor Jeff Goldblum!
Watch the full Honest Trailers Commentary on YouTube
Reception[]
Honest Trailers - Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom has an 97.7% approval rating from YouTube viewers. Many media sites commented on the extremely negative take Screen Junkies took on the film. CinemaBlend commented that the Honest Trailer was particularly brutal, writing "this latest Honest Trailer doesn't hold back on its contempt for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, declaring it to be the stupidest of the franchise, which is saying a lot since Jurassic Park III is also on that list." In the same article, CinemaBlend noted that the Honest Trailer pointed out the film's inconsistent characterization, poor supporting characters and reliance of repetitive plot devices. MovieFone concurred that the Honest Trailer was "pretty harsh," especially its opening line. Screen Rant found the Honest Trailer notable for pointing out the film's logical gaps and for illustrating "how Fallen Kingdom is basically a retread of The Lost World, just switching out the characters and locations." CBR.com said a highlight of the Honest trailer was the re-purposing of Ian Malcolm's famous line from the original film to become, "Dumb, uh, finds a way." Geek Tyrant wrote that Screen Junkies "have some fun completely tearing the movie apart" and viewers will also "have fun watching this movie being ripped to shreds."
Production credits[]
Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell & Lon Harris
Produced by Dan Murrell, Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Max Dionne
Edited by Kevin Williamsen and TJ Nordaker
Assistant Editor: Emin Bassavand
External links[]
- Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom Honest Trailer - Dumb Finds A Way - Screen Rant article
- Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom Honest Trailer Visits the Bland Before Time - CBR.com article
- Honest Trailer For JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM Proves That The Franchise is Just Getting Dumber - Geek Tyrant article
- Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom’s Honest Trailer Goes In On Its Plot And Character Changes - CinemaBlend article
- The 'Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom' Honest Trailer Rips the Sequel: 'Dumb Finds a Way' - MovieFone article
- ‘Jurassic Park: Fallen Kingdom’ Gets The Honest Trailers Treatment - Heroic Hollywood article