Kung Fu Panda is the 388th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford, Matt Fowler, Logan Rees, and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2008 computer-animated wuxia action comedy film Kung Fu Panda. It was published on March 9, 2021. It is 4 minutes and 9 seconds long. It has been viewed over 100,000 times.
Script[]
If you can't choose between spending thirty bucks on Raya and the Last Dragon or groceries, but your kids are still too dumb for Soul, why not try...
Kung Fu Panda
Prepare for a solid midlevel animated movie for when you just can't handle another viewing of Shark Tale --
Sykes: Yo yo yo, yo yo yo. Yo yo yo yo!
(whispering) Never again... -- and enjoy the entry point into a franchise that spawned two sequels, five shorts, eight video games, two animated series, and a theme park land. Because... China? (a The Hollywood Reporter article with the title "'Kung Fu Panda 3' Becomes China's Biggest Animated Film Ever" pops up) Because China.
Experience a kid's film that wonders, "Can fat people do anything of value?", as this fat panda named Po...
Master Shifu: You're stuck.
Po: Stuck? Nah. What?
...who, may we remind you, is fat (Master Shifu sees Po punch into a drawer and pull out a snack to eat), and played by fat joke expert Jack Black...
Hal Larson (Shallow Hal): (to Rosie) Building a parachute?
...will inspire wall-to-wall fat jokes...
Master Shifu: That flabby panda can't possibly be the answer to our problem! (Po falls through a palanquin)
...only to spend the last few minutes proving that a fat guy can do something other than cook and eat.
Po: (while being punched by Tai Lung) Stop it! (chuckles) I'm gonna pee! (laughs)
Okay, I'm sorry, but pandas are supposed to be fat. Can you imagine a panda with abs and a V-line? Gross! Or hot... I'll have to look into that.
Laugh along with Jack Black and all of his most beloved vocal tics...
Po: Legend... / With authentic battle damage! / Skadoosh.
...then feast your ears on a buffet of celebrity voiceovers that kids won't even care about. In fact, does anyone really care that the snake is voiced by Lucy Liu?
Master Viper: I thought you said you were ready.
Are you super-excited that this is Dustin Hoffman grunting? (Master Shifu grunts) And how much do you think Jackie Chan got paid for this?
Master Monkey: Or even see his toes. / But he will. / Tigress, you've got to try this. / (whispering) Hey, Shifu! / We got this! Help her! / He's too fast! / Come, little one; let's find your mama.
That's every single line he has in the entire movie! (Master Monkey gives Master Tigress a thumbs-up) Gestures don't count, unless Jackie did his own stunts, too. You know what? He probably did; he's such a pro.
Follow along on a standard hero's journey, where Po starts off as a basement-dwelling fanboy who studies the blade, until destiny leads him to steal a promotion from a more qualified woman.
Master Tigress: Master, are... are you pointing at me?
Grand Master Oogway: Him.
Now, under the tutelage of a ninja turtle who talks like your aunt's Facebook page...
Grand Master Oogway: Today is a gift. That is why it is called "the present".
...the big panda will fight the big leopard over who gets to be the big dragon, and discover, say it with me now: that the real magic was inside him all along.
Mr. Ping: To make something special, you just have to believe it's special.
Being good at what you do, but nothing really special? Hey, that's the unofficial DreamWorks motto!
So enjoy the first film in a franchise that's better than it has any right to be, that may be a total paint-by-numbers story, but dang, that paint is super nice-looking. (a cel-shaded scene of Po punching through a horde of monkeys) So nice, in fact, that it skunked WALL-E at the Annie Awards (a /Film post with the title "WTF: WALL-E Completely Snubbed at Annie Awards?" pops up, detailing how Kung Fu Panda beat WALL-E in every category), causing Disney to boycott them for ten years. (a Reuters article with the title "Disney, Pixar end Annie Awards boycott" pops up) Ki-yah! Suck it, trash robot! (WALL-E gives a heavy sigh)
Starring: Tenacious Chi (Jack Black as Po); Less Cute Than an Actual Red Panda (Dustin Hoffman as Master Shifu, alongside a video of a red panda); Send Noods (James Hong as Mr. Ping); Crouching Tiger, Hack the Planet (Angelina Jolie as Master Tigress); Monken Master (Jackie Chan as Master Monkey); Animal David Crossing (David Cross as Master Crane); Deadly Viper Assassination Squad (Lucy Liu as Master Viper); (Seth Rogen Laugh) (Seth Rogen as Master Mantis); Ian McGains (Ian McShane as Tai Lung); and Turtle Soup for the Soul (Randall Duk Kim as Grand Master Oogway).
School of Wok
The honest title for Kung Fu Panda was ‘School of Wok’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
Okay, why is everyone who's not a kung fu master a pig, a goose, or a rabbit? Did the animators just start hitting "copy-paste"?
Viewer's Comments[]
Please say: Skadoosh!! - Akshay pranav
Say :Jusssst let your soul gloooowww, just let it shine throooouuuughh. - Erica The Empress
Please say: "its fun to learn cause knowledge is power and power corrupts, so go to school and become evil" - Alexander Reeve
Say: something funny - DaVinci 3
Trivia[]
Reception[]
Production Credits[]
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Written by: Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford, Matt Fowler, Logan Rees, & Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen
Post-Production Supervisor: Emin Bassavand
Director of Video Production: Max Dionne
Associate Producer: Ryan O'Toole
Executive Producer: Roth Cornet