Masters of the Universe (1987) is the 308th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 1987 fantasy action movie Masters of the Universe. The video is 6 minutes 7 seconds long. It was published on August 13, 2019 as part of Blockbuster Summer. It has been viewed over 900k times.

Watch Honest Trailers - Masters of the Universe (1987) on YouTube

"The safe word is cringer." ~ Honest Trailers - Masters of the Universe (1987)

Script Edit

Before Transformers, before G.I. Joe, and before the inevitable Funko Pop! mov- [shows website that says “A ‘Funko!’ Movie is in Development at Warner Bros. (Yes, Really)”] Aaaand, they’re making it. Relive the first terrible movie based on action figures, that’s also the kinkiest terrible movie based on action figures.


The safe word is cringer.

Masters of the Universe

Eternia is in peril and only He-Man can save it in this adventure that brings together all your favorite heroes from the ”Masters of the Universe” cartoon. Except for Battlecat, She-Ra, Stratos, Ram Man, Zodac or Man-E-Faces. Oh, come on! Not even Orko?! How hard would it have been to paint Gwildor blue and hang him from the ceiling? But, at least you’re favorite villains are here. Like, this butter carving of Skeletor, Evil-Lyn, Beast Man, eugh! Pass. (Karg), Pirate Flash? (Blade), Football Lizard?! (Saurod) WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?! They couldn't get Trap Jaw in there?! He’s easily as dumb as Football Lizard! I mean, come on! But, at least they have all your favorite He-Man locations. Like, the majestic throne room of Castle Grayskull, and... wait, that’s it? Alright, does this movie have anything to with He-Man or is this whole thing gonna be about Courtney Cox’s dead parents?

Julie: “It’s my fault they died.”

Kevin: ”It was a plane crash, these things just happen.”

Unless that plane crashed in the Snake Mountain, I don’t care!

You loved Dolph Lundgren as Ivan Drago in Rocky IV. Now, witness this invincible Superman’s greatest weakness. Having... to talk. [shows He-Man barely talking] Luckily, he’s a He-Man of action, not a He-Man of words. Wielding his mythical power sword... [shows He-Man holding his sword and shouting “I Have The Power!“] to balance his gun shooting arm. [shows He-Man using a gun, not the sword] But, who cares? He-Man’s in less of this He-Man movie. Leaving plenty of time for the real stars. Like Gwildor, a dwarven scientist who looks like they shot Billy Barty’s face with a gunshot for of prothstetics. Skeletor, a tour de force performance from Frank Langella, who’s acting can rip the acting of space and time. But, not the fabric of covering his nostrils. And of course, Julie and Kevin a small-town romance between this orphaned waitress and an aspiring keyboard player. That for some reason TAKES UP 50% OF MY HE-MAN MOVIE! Stop trying to relate to teens, movie. He-Man is for small children and four year olds only! No in-between!

Journey back to a simpler time, when grown men could walk around in S&M gear without arousing suspicion, electronic devices that fell from the sky were probably just Japanese, movies based on children’s toys had casual swearing, this line that didn’t have an internet to piss off,

Teela: ”Women at arms.”

alternative energy was what magical hairy miniature scientist did, and vegetarianism was so rare, it literally came from another dimension.

Teela: ”You mean, this used to be an animal?”

Man-At-Arms: “Mm-hm.”

Teela: ”What a barbaric world.”

Oh, come on. Don’t look so shocked, Teela. You think He-Man got a body carved out of greased marble by eating impossible burgers?

So if your hungry for one of the biggest wasted opportunities in film, featuring a climax shot in total darkness because the movie ran out of money, creature designs so cheap, Gwildor‘s mouth barely moves and the ultimate mark of doom promising a sequel that’s never gonna happen, then relive the disaster that proved you can hire the writer of The Dark Crystal, the guy made the music for Rocky, the editor of Lawrence of Arabia, and the VFX artist who did Star Wars. But, if your producers are the same guys who are making Superman IV at the same time, your movie will still definitely suck. Like, real bad.

Starring: By The Power of Numbskull! [Dolph Lundgren as He-Man]; Bonejaw Is Ready [Frank Langella as Skeletor]; So No One Told You He-Man’s Gonna Come Your Way (Clap Clap Clap Clap) [Courtney Cox as Julie Winston]; He Kevin [Robert Duncan McNeill as Kevin Corrigan]; #NotMyOrko [Billy Barty as Gwildor]; The Crystal Skull [Christina Pickles as Sorceress of Castle Grayskull]; Evil...Lyn. Evilyn. Ohh, I Get It [Meg Foster as Evil-Lyn] The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade [shows Skeletor's barge and army]; Skeleter? [shows people saying “Skeleter“ instead of ”Skeletor”]; Eternia Newton John [Chelsea Field as Teela]; Hobocop [Jon Cypher as Man-At-Arms] The Authority Figure From Every 80’s Movie [James Tolkan as Detective Hugh Lubic] [shows James Tolkan in other 80’s movies] and Characters Saying The Name Gwildor [shows characters saying the name “Gwildor”]

Honest Trailers Masters of the Universe (1987) Open Invideo 5-34 screenshot

The honest title for Masters of the Universe (1987) was 'Courtney Cox's Dead Parents.' Titles designed by Robert Holtby.

Courtney Cox's Dead Parents (Featuring Gwildor)

[Shows a person putting Burger King cups and boxes and oranges in the sink so the person can wipe the sink] That... is not how cleaning up works.

Trivia Edit

Honest Trailers Commentary - Masters of the Universe (1987)

Honest Trailers Commentary - Masters of the Universe (1987)

Watch the full Honest Trailers Commentary on YouTube

Reception Edit

Honest Trailers Masters of the Universe has a 98.4% approval rating from YouTube viewers. Joey Paur of Geek Tyrant wrote that the Honest Trailer was "a lot of fun to watch." Popcornx called the video's critique "wholly justified."

Production credits Edit

Honest trailer masters of the universe

Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Masters of the Universe (1987).

Epic Voice Guy: Jon Bailey

Title Design by Robert Holtby

Written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell, Danielle Radford & Lon Harris

Produced by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr & Max Dionne

Edited by Kevin Williamsen

External links Edit

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