Pirates of the Caribbean is the 88th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Dan Murrell, Spencer Gilbert and Andy Signore. It parodies the first four films in the fantasy supernatural swashbuckler franchise Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003), Dead Man's Chest (2006), At World's End (2007), and On Stranger Tides (2011). It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It was published on January 20, 2015, to coincide with the theatrical release of the Johnny Depp film Mortdecai. It is 4 minutes 40 seconds long. It has been viewed over 11 million times.
Watch Honest Trailers - Pirates of the Caribbean on YouTube
"Witness the Disneyfication of pirates, history's most notorious foul-mouthed rapists and murderers, where the cursing is PG, 'rape' becomes 'raid', and murder is physically impossible." ~ Honest Trailers - Pirates of the Caribbean
Script[]
Once upon a time, Johnny Depp was the most intriguing actor in Hollywood (shows Depp as William Blake in Dead Man and Raoul Duke in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas); now, one hit franchise will usher in the end of his creative choices, turning him into a boring parody of himself. (shows Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Willy Wonka in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland (2010), Barnabas Collins in Dark Shadows, and Charlie Mortdecai in Mortdecai) But who cares? Now he owns a f*cking island. (a Vanity Fair article with the title "Take a Trip to Johnny Depp's Private Island" pops up)
Pirates of the Caribbean
Witness the Disneyfication of pirates, history's most notorious foul-mouthed rapists and murderers, where the cursing is PG...
Jack: --pestilent, traitorous, cowhearted, yeasty codpiece... / --ruthless, soulless, cross-grained cur.
Barbossa: Brace up yards, ya cack-handed deck apes!
..."rape" becomes "raid"...
Jack: --raid, pillage, plunder, and otherwise pilfer my weaselly black guts out.
...and murder is physically impossible. (montage of characters stabbing other characters in the chest only to do no damage)
Koehler: (after Barbossa shoots Pintel in the chest) You're not dead!
Pintel: No.
Buckle your swashes for Curse of the Black Pearl, a straightforward adventure romp that everyone loved; then Dead Man's Chest, that everyone was sort of on board for, where they all betray each other to find a teleporting squid monster's heart; At World's End, that everyone was totally fed up with, where they all betray each other while the squid monster teams up with the British East India Company, causing the pirate U.N. to release a sea goddess, who's in love with the squid monster, except for when she isn't; and On Stranger Tides, that fi-- Wait, what?! They made a fourth one?! Ugh... How many of these things can they do? They're based on a f*cking theme park ride, for God's sake!
Johnny Depp shines as Jack Sparrow...
Jack: Captain Jack Sparrow, if you please, sir.
...the legendary pirate made out of dreadlocks and guyliner; watch this Oscar-worthy match between actor and role, as he hams it up with a trademark barrage of... catchphrases (montage of Jack saying "Savvy?"), impractical escapes (montage of Jack performing over-the-top stunts), and silly walks (montage of Jack drunkenly walking and running), in this half-drunk Keith Richards impression that really should be dead by now... kind of like Keith Richards.
Captain Teague: Does this face look like it's been to the Fountain of Youth?
Spend the rest of your time in the pale embrace of the boring lovers, Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley (Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann), two perfect faces in the middle of a scurvy-ridden hellhole, whose will-they-won't-they relationship will have everyone saying, "Where did Jack Sparrow go?", until they're replaced in the fourth one by their cheaper, but just as pale, equivalents. (Philip Swift and Syrena)
Batten down the hatches, for nearly ten overstuffed maritime hours of... impossible sword fights (montage of characters sword fighting in dangerous locations), stupid wigs (montage of characters wearing powdered wigs), terrible teeth (zooms in on Pintel's crooked teeth), alcoholism...
Jack: Why is the rum gone?! / Why is the rum always gone?
Gibbs: Rum's gone too.
Jack: Hide the rum.
...that song from the ride...
Jack: (singing) Drink up, me hearties, yo ho.
Young Elizabeth: (singing) Yo ho...
Jack and Elizabeth: (singing) --yo ho, a pirate's life for me!
Jack: I love this song!
...and women dressed in cinema's least convincing boy disguises. (shows Jack removing Angelica's disguise of himself) Mustache or not, I would totally pork that dude.
Starring: Captain Jack Spare Us from Any More of These Movies (Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow); Keira Daily (Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Swann); Barnacle Bill (Stellan Skarsgård as Bootstrap Bill Turner); Why Not Zoidberg? (Bill Nighy as Davy Jones); Finnicky (Sam Claflin as Philip Swift); Deadwoodmen Tell No Tales (Ian McShane as Blackbeard); Captain Morgan (Geoffrey Rush as Captain Hector Barbossa); Miss Cleo (Naomie Harris as Tia Dalma); A Japanese Pornstar (the Kraken); and Orlando Florida (Orlando Bloom as Will Turner).
Jack Sparrow of the Caribbean (And Some Other Pirates)
Honest title for Pirates of the Caribbean - Jack Sparrow of the Caribbean (And Some Other Pirates). Title design by Robert Holtby.
You used to be cool, man; what the hell happened to you?
Jack: Close your eyes and pretend it's all a bad dream. That's how I get by.
Trivia[]
- Screen Junkies have also produced Honest Trailers for several other 2000s blockbuster franchises including Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, The Spider-Man Trilogy, The X-Men Trilogy, The Blade Trilogy, the Mission: Impossible series and The Bourne Trilogy and many others. See list of Honest Trailers.
- Additionally, Screen Junkies have also made Honest Trailers for several other historical action movies including Braveheart, The Mummy (1999), Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Gladiator, Robin Hood (2018), 300 and many more. See list of Honest Trailers for more.
- An Honest Trailer Commentary for this episode was recorded and was available on the Screen Junkies Plus until the website/app was discontinued. Screen Junkies don't currently have any way of releasing the video.
Reception[]
Honest Trailers - Pirates of the Caribbean has a 96.7% approval rating from YouTube viewers. SlashFilm was impressed by the "the sheer volume of films skewered" in this video, and also said the Honest Trailer "does a great job poking fun at the insane notion that pirates – one of history’s most violent and terrible groups – could be Disneyfied." JOE declared the video was "one of the funniest Honest Trailers we’ve seen so far." CinemaBlend wrote "To honor how truly bad they are, the good folks over at Screen Junkies have done what they do best and created a harsh video lampooning the franchise" and said "as usual, it’s pretty impossible to argue with any of the points that Screen Junkies are making with their latest Honest Trailers installment." Specifically, CinemaBlend found the Honest Trailer notable for discussing how bloated the Disney Pirates franchise has become, the way it dilutes the true historical nature of pirates, and the detrimental impact of the role on Johnny Depp's career.
Production credits[]
Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Pirates of the Caribbean
Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey
Title design by Robert Holtby
Series Created by Andy Signore & Brett Weiner
Written by Dan Murrell, Spencer Gilbert, and Andy Signore
Edited by Dan Murrell
External links[]
- ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ Honest Trailer: Four Films For the Price Of One - Slash Film article
- Video: Pirates of the Caribbean gets the Honest Trailer treatment and it’s very funny - JOE article
- Watch the Honest Trailer for Pirates of the Caribbean - Flickering Myth article
- Watch: Honest Trailers Walks The Plank With The ‘Pirates Of The Caribbean’ Quadrilogy - IndieWire article
- Watch Pirates Of The Caribbean Get A Middle Finger In This Honest Trailer - CinemaBlend article