Planet of the Apes is the 65th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Dan Murrell, Spencer Gilbert, Nick Smith, Gilli Nissim and Andy Signore. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies Tim Burton's 2001 remake of the science-fiction film Planet of the Apes. It was published on July 1, 2014, to coincide with the theatrical release of the reboot sequel Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. It is 4 minutes 12 seconds long. It has been viewed over 5.7 million times.
"The hundred-million-dollar version of 'Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals'" ~ Honest Trailers - Planet of the Apes
From 20th Century Fox comes a landmark of science-fiction filmmaking that's still one of the most shocking movies ever ma- wait, we're doing the Tim Burton version? (sighs) Let's just get this over with. Planet of the Apes.
Prepare for a reboot so disappointing, the franchise was immediately de-booted, then rebooted again ten years later. Watch as the once-visionary Tim Burton gives a master class in how not to reboot a franchise as he attempts to set his film apart from the 1968 classic by repurposing old dialogue (Attar: Take your stinkin' hands off me, you damn dirty human!); repeating old dialogue (Zaius: Damn them, damn them all to hell.); and trying to one-up the original ending, even though his makes absolutely no sense. (shows the Lincoln Memorial with a monkey face) Huh?
When an Air Force captain (Leo Davidson) abandons his orbital monkey research station to follow his pet chimp into an electrical storm, blah blah blah time travel, blah blah blah evil monkey society, blah blah blah uprising, ancient monkey prophecy, final battle, and the creepiest kiss ever (shows Davidson and Ari kissing). Trust me, you won't remember the details either.
Witness the hundred-million-dollar version of Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals in his lowest point since his rap career, as he spends this entire terrible movie staring at things, phoning it in, and mouth-breathing. But he's not alone. Marky Mark shares the screen with a whole funky bunch of other actors, like a bunch of humans we're supposed to care about, but don't (Tival, Karubi, Gunnar, and Birn); Estella Warren's dumb face; and more Oscar nominees in monkey suits than the Academy Awards.
Oscar Presenter: And the Oscar goes to...
So before you catch the sequel (Dawn of the Planet of the Apes) to the way better reboot (Rise of the Planet of the Apes), get ready to suffer through everything you didn't want from a Planet of the Apes movie, featuring political debates, monkey foreplay, and apes going apesh*t.
Starring Say Hi to Your Mother For Me (Mark Wahlberg as Leo Davidson), Bellapetrix Lestrange (Helena Bonham Carter as Ari), Duhhhhhh (Estella Warren as Daena), Michael Clarke Dunston Checks In (Michael Clarke Duncan as Attar), Reservoir Chimp (Tim Roth as Thade), A Monkey in a Paul Giamatti Suit (Paul Giamatti as Limbo), and Aperaham Lincoln (again shows the Lincoln Memorial with a monkey face).
Planet of the Apes: The Bad One.
George Taylor: Damn you!! God damn you all to hell!!
Our thoughts exactly.
- The line "the hundred-million-dollar version of Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals" is a reference to an SNL skit which can be viewed here.
- Screen Junkies have also produced an Honest Trailer for 2014 film Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. They have also produced Honest Trailers for many other 2000s science-fiction films including Jurassic Park 3, Star Trek (2009), Batman Begins and Avatar. See list of Honest Trailers for more.
- An Honest Trailer Commentary for this episode was recorded and was available on the Screen Junkies Plus until the website/app was discontinued. Screen Junkies don't currently have any way of releasing the video.
Honest Trailers - Planet of the Apes has a 98.4% approval rating from YouTube viewers. The Huffington Post wrote that the Honest Trailer "hits the nail right on the head" with its criticisms including "repurposed dialogue, a nonsensical ending and a super creepy kiss." In the same article, The Huff Post also wrote that the video "sums up the film perfectly" with the line "$100 million dollar version of 'Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals.'" IndieWire also agreed that line was "completely on point." ComicBook.com remarked that Screen Junkies "poke fun at basically everything about the film, from Mark Wahlberg’s halfhearted performance, to the creepy human-ape romance, and the attempt to one-up the original film’s ending." In the same article, ComicCook.com also opined "the most fun probably comes during the “apes going ape$#!*” montage that comes towards the end."
Production credits Edit
Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey
Series Created by Andy Signore & Brett Weiner
Edited by Dan Murrell
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- Watch: Honest Trailer For Tim Burton’s ‘Planet Of The Apes,’ AKA $100 Million Dollar ‘Mark Wahlberg Talks To Animals’ - IndieWire article
- Planet Of The Apes Gets An Honest Trailer - Comic Book.com article
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