"In an action-horror movie this good, with so many iconic lines, and such an iconic movie monster, you'll barely even notice that half the film is just quietly... looking... at trees." ~ Honest Trailers - Predator
From the Michael Bay of the 80's, but better (John McTiernan), comes a film that combines the best action (shows Dutch, Mac, and Billy firing their assault rifles), the best horror (shows Blain finding some strung-up flayed corpses, and fighting off some attacking crows), and the best handshake in all of human history.
Dutch: (to Dillion) You son of a bitch! (tightly clasps Dillon's hand as heavenly choir music plays)
So, does anyone else grow a mustache every time they watch that?
Predator
Deep in the heart of the Central American jungle, where no one can hear you sweat... profusely (montage of characters with beads of sweat on their faces), something is hunting men for sport, and that something would have been an awesome mystery... if they didn't show a spaceship in the first scene.
Billy: There's something in those trees.
It's an alien.
Mac: Those eyes, they're... they're disappearing.
Yep, alien; saw the ship.
Billy: There's somethin' out there waiting for us. And it ain't no man.
Okay, fine; I'll do what YouTube comments do. "Movie starts at 1 minute, 29 seconds." (fast-forwards to Dutch and his team being deployed at 00:01:29:04)
Join an elite squad of assassins.
Dutch: We're a rescue team, not assassins.
Uh-huh.
Dutch: (after throwing his knife into a guerilla hard enough to pin him to a wall) Stick around.
There's Billy, the jacked-up, macho Native American; Blain, the jacked-up, macho redneck; Mac and Dillon, the jacked-up, macho Black guys; Poncho, the jacked-up, macho Latino; Hawkins, the screenwriter they wanted on set for punch-up; and their leader Dutch, a jacked-up, badass, cigar-chomping Kevin McCallister.
(montage comparing Dutch using traps in this film to Kevin McCallister using traps in Home Alone)
Kevin McCallister (Home Alone): Come and get me before I call the police!
Dutch: C'mon! Kill me! I'm here!
(in an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression) "Keep the change, you filthy animal. Yaugh!"
Thrill as they're up against the ultimate enemy: Jean-Claude Van Damme in a stupid lobster costume. Yep, that really happened. (shows behind-the-scenes footage of Van Damme in a lobster suit) But once he got fired, they went up against the real ultimate enemy: the Predator, a perfect mix of awesome creature design, S&M mesh bodysuit, and Vincent Price laugh (shows the Predator laughing as it activates its self-destruct device), who uses advanced technology to hunt the equivalent of fish in a barrel. Yeah, I guess he's less cool when you realize he's like those yuppies who shoot giraffes with a sniper rifle. (shows multiple photos of poachers with their faces blurred out)
So before you see The Predator, revisit THE Predator, that's never been improved on in its sequels (shows the posters for Predator 2 and Predators), and could be released in theaters today because it's aged so well --
Blain: Bunch of slack-jawed f*ggots around here!
Uh, mostly well. -- because in an action-horror movie this good, with so many iconic lines...
Blain: I ain't got time to bleed.
Dutch: (after kicking a hut's door down, frightening the guerillas inside) Knock, knock. / (after seeing the Predator's alien form) You're one... ugly motherf*cker... / (to Anna) GET TO THE CHOPPEEER!!
...and such an iconic movie monster, you'll barely even notice that half the film is just quietly... looking... at trees. (montage of characters scanning the tree line)
Billy: There's something in those trees.
IT'S AN ALIEN!!
Starring: The Future Governor of California (Arnold Schwarzenegger as Alan "Dutch" Schaefer); The Future Governor of Minnesota (Jesse Ventura as Blain Cooper); A Future Candidate for Governor of Kentucky. OK, This Is Getting Weird (Sonny Landham as Billy Sole); Baby, You've Got a Stew Going (Carl Weathers as Al Dillon); Dude! Moisturize! (Bill Duke as Mac Eliot) (shows Mac struggling to shave with his razor); The Director of Iron Man 3 (Shane Black as Rick Hawkins); Anna Gotta Get to the Choppa (Elpidia Carrillo as Anna Gonsalves); My Skull, My Back, My Trophy in My Pack (Kevin Peter Hall and Peter Cullen as the Predator); and The End Credits That Make the Movie Look Like a '90s Sitcom. (shows the film's end credits, consisting of the characters looking into the camera and smiling while listing their respective actors' names, set to a riff on The Rembrandts' "I'll Be There for You")
You changed, Arnold; you changed. (shows the poster for The Expendables 2, which features Arnold Schwarzenegger)
Trivia[]
Honest Trailers Commentary - Predator
The writers for Honest Trailers all agreed the film Predator is "almost perfect." They compared writing this episode to writing the Honest Trailer for Die Hard, another perfect action movie. However, they said the Honest Trailer for Predator was slightly easier to write because there were more things to have fun with, including the profuse sweating and raging machismo.
The writers joked that the Epic Handshake in Predator exemplifies "peak 80s."
The writers wished to include a comment about how similar Predator's score is to the Back to the Future score, but couldn't because of music copyright clearance issues.
Head writer Spencer Gilbert encourages younger viewers to look up the actual trailer for Predator in order to better understand the style of trailer that the Honest Trailers series parodies.
Predator - After Credits
Screen Junkies also collaborated with YouTube channel How It Should Have Ended to produce an animated short called "After Credits" which humorously depicts what would have happened after Predator ended. The video features the voices of Honest Trailers narrator Jon Bailey, as well as Honest Trailers writers Joe Starr, Spencer Gilbert and Dan Murrell. The female character is voiced by Torlin Torgersen, Joe Starr's wife.
Honest Trailers - Predator has a 98.8% approval rating from YouTube viewers, making it one of the highest-rated Honest Trailer of all time. CinemaBlend appreciated the Honest Trailer for pointing out Predator's "overwhelming machoness, the iconic one-liners and the legendary handshake," and also for touching upon "one of the huge flaws in the film: it gives away the alien in the beginning." In addition, CinemaBlend thought the comparison of the characters of Dutch and Kevin McCallister was "really funny." Bloody Disgusting called the Honest Trailer "hysterical" and also appreciated the Home Alone comparison. In the same article, Bloody Disgusting also praised the Honest Trailers series for providing "such good-natured ribbing that comes from a good place and doesn’t project an ounce of mean-spiritednes." Geek Tyrant said the Honest Trailer was "pretty damn funny" and also singled out the Home Alone comparison for particular praise. Geek Tyrant also commended Screen Junkies for having fun with Predator "while still showing it the respect that it deserves."
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