Sonic the Hedgehog is the 343rd episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2020 film Sonic the Hedgehog. It was published on April 28, 2020, to coincide with the digital release of the film. It is 5 minutes and 13 seconds long. It has been viewed over 1.4 million times.
"For the first time in Internet history, an angry mob of nerds actually made something better!" ~ Honest Trailers - Sonic the Hedgehog
In a world where the only thing worse than a movie tie-in video game is a video game tie-in movie...
Jackson "Jax" Briggs: Aw, now I've seen everything...
...Sega Studios will-- Wait. "Sega Studios"? Slow your roll! A Sonic movie is one thing, but what's next? Ecco the Dolphin? Streets of Rage?! ...Actually, that sounds pretty rad. I'm in! Sega Studios will crack the game movie code by making its star a quick furry animal, making them a cop or partnering them up with one, and okay, I'll say it: making a faster, bluer version of Detective Pikachu. Hey, it wouldn't be a Sega project if they weren't riffing on something Nintendo did first.
Sonic the Hedgehog
Meet So--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! What is that?! No! Gross! Bad! I want that thing gone, you hear me?! Gone!! <BLAM!> Phew, close call.
Meet Sonic the Hedgehog, a not-at-all-horrifying creature. He'll star in a movie so nice, they made it twice (a Looper article pops up with the title "Sonic the Hedgehog film getting design overhaul following backlash"), because for the first time in Internet history, an angry mob of nerds actually made something better, no matter how much pain and sweat it took for the animators to hit the release date. Man, that must've cost a fortune; I wonder where they found the money?
Maddie Wachowski: Apartments for rent I found on Zillow.
Tom Wachowski: And the Olive Garden.
Maddie Wachowski: Because when you're there...
Tom Wachowski: You're family.
Sonic: Can you believe Amazon is gonna deliver packages with these things?
Tom Wachowski: Make his a Mello Yello, please.
Dr. Robotnik: Call Optical Illusions. Tell them I need new frames.
Commander Walters: Have you tried their Never Ending Pasta Bowl? It never ends.
Wow, all of these product placements, and they didn't do the one that would actually fit.
Sonic Commercial Announcer: This is how you Sonic.
The Sonic you've always known is back, which, if you're just a casual fan, means he's fast and he collects rings.
Sonic: Let's get fast. (Sonic speeds around the rubble picking up his rings)
Nailed it! But if you got sucked in to all the other Sonic media, you're going to have to be satisfied with a chili dog joke here and there...
Tom Wachowski: Ugh, that's awful. What did you eat?
Sonic: I think it's called a "chili dog"?
...while those of us in the erotic Sonic fan art community had to make do with the bare minimum. (Crazy Carl unveils a drawing of "Sanic") You can't ignore us forever! Follow along with your hero as he hides in a cave for an entire decade, spying on everyone in town like the Pennywise of Montana. But when he's discovered after playing with himself a little too hard (Sonic discharges his pent-up energy, causing a citywide blackout; he then runs away), he'll have to run to safety, and the only thing standing in his way is that he never shuts up and definitely needs to go on medication.
Sonic: I'm blending in like a ball. Shh. Stop talking. No, you stop talking. Be quiet, Sonic. You be quiet, Sonic! / Sonic one, big tank zero!
Is he flossing? He's flossing, isn't he?
Sonic's not the only relic of the 90's along for the adventure; there's also Jim Carrey, because everyone knows he's the guy to call when you need to track down a rare animal (shows a clip of Ace Ventura trying to capture a dove). And protecting Sonic all the while is James Marsden, the only actor charming enough to film a whole movie with this creepy blue statue. He's done being America's second-est fiddle...
(Prince Edward watches as Giselle and Robert kiss)
Lon Hammond, Jr.: I don't want to have to convince my fiancé that she should be with me. (Noah and Allie share a kiss in the rain)
Richard White: Were you in love with him?
Lois Lane: He was Superman.
This time, he's ditching his wife for a hedgehog as they set off on an unforgettable drive across the Pacific Northwest. ...Yep, a movie about a character whose defining trait is how fast they move, and they stick him on a 20-hour ride to San Francisco.
Sonic: Gotta go fast! (Sonic runs around the kitchen)
Gotta go fffffor 90 minutes, or we don't have a movie!
So enjoy what's actually a very fun kids' picture, even though it, let's say, "liberally borrows" from a certain quick, silvery X-Man...
Tom Wachowski: ...What?
...but they dangle enough Tails and Robotnik-stache at the end to make you excited for the next one, unless they work in the music that plays when Sonic is running out of air, in which case, I will have a panic attack. (the "about to drown" music plays) <panting> AUGH! <gargling>
Starring: Lightning McTween (Ben Schwartz as Sonic the Hedgehog); James Marsden, Friend to Cartoon Animals Everywhere (James Marsden as Thomas Michael "Tom" Wachowski, alongside shots of him in Enchanted and Hop); Federal Marshall (sic) Bill (Jim Carrey as Dr. Robotnik); Doctor Does-Little (Tika Sumpter as Maddie Wachowski); and Stop, or My Mom Will Hoot (Donna Jay Fulks as Longclaw the Owl).
Sure, toilet paper was all fun and games when they shot this, but today, this is considered an act of terrorism!
Sonic: Did you see how much toilet paper I used? The next person that goes into that bathroom will have nothing to wipe with!
Viewer's Comments Edit
Say "I'm never gonna financially recover from this". - Deryl Wayne
Epic voice man, say "If you water water, it grows!" - Respectable AF
Please say, "Nothing is impossible, and I do nothing everyday." - Michaelthekiwi
Please say "Bazinga!" - Baby Duckling
Production Credits Edit
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert & Joe Starr
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen
Post-Production Supervisor: Emin Bassavand
Supervising Producer: Max Dionne
Associate Producer: Ryan O'Toole
Executive Producer: Roth Cornet