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Honest Trailers - Speed is the 295th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 1994 action thriller film Speed. The video is 5 minutes 23 seconds long. It was published on May 14, 2019, to coincide with the 25th anniversary of the film and the theatrical release of Keanu's Reeves' John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum. This video was produced as part of Screen Junkies' Blockbuster Summer season in which they turned their attention to blockbusters both old and new. It has been viewed over 1.1 million times.

Watch Honest Trailers - Speed on YouTube

"Three action scenes stacked on top of each other, under a trenchcoat, pretending to be a movie." ~ Honest Trailers - Speed

Script Edit

From Disney (20th Century Fox) and the guy who shot Die Hard (Jan De Bont), comes three action scenes, stacked on top of each other, under a trench coat, pretending to be a movie.

Speed

Some were in Los Angeles there's a bomb on a bus and if it slows down... It. Will. Explode. [Dennis Hopper; "If it drops below 50, it blows up."] Exactly. [Keanu: "If we slow down, it'll blow."] Yes. [Newsreader: "A city bus, rigged to explode if it slows down."] It's not that complicated. [Keanu: "You gotta stay above 50."] We know. [Dennis Hopper: "You tell that wild cat behind the wheel not to slow down though."] It's called "Speed" we get it, okay? Moving on... ["We went over the rules."] (Frustrated sigh)

Meet L.A. cop Jack Traven. He's young, dumb and full of gum [Shots of Jack chewing gum]. Jack and his partner may be the Dumber halves of their comedy duos [Bill and Ted, Harry and Lloyd], but now they explode with rage whenever they're outsmarted [Keanu Reeves shouts and swears]... or just explode [Jeff Daniels blows up] They're up against Howard Payne, one of the great phone-based villains of the 90's.

Howard Payne: (on the phone) "I got your attention now, didn't I Jack?"

General Hummel from The Rock: (on the phone) "You've probably got no f***ing idea what I'm talking about..."

Ivan Korshunov from Air Force One: (on the phone) "This is bulls***."

Mitch Leary from In The Line of Fire: (on the phone) "Do you have any idea what I've done?"

Ghostface from Scream: (on the phone) "You hang up on me again, I'll gut you like a fish!"

Simon Gruber from Die Hard With A Vengeance: (on the phone) "That was unpleasant. Don't let it happen again."

Dennis Hopper thrills as the Joker without the make up. In such a convincing madman performance, you won't even question why he holds the phone all weird. [Dennis Hopper holds the phone to his left ear, using his right hand]. Sure a bomb injured his left hand, but it made his right ear go deaf?! Pfft! Next you're gonna tell me cars don't fly. [Clips of cars launching through the air, and a bus flying clean over a huge gap in the road.]

Climb aboard a bus full of people who either just found out they're going to die or that's just how everyone looks when they're on a bus. [Sad violin music.] Then rev your engines as Sandra Bullock goes from "That Girl In Demolition Man" to America's Sweetheart. All thanks to Halle Berry for passing on the role and... Ellen DeGeneres too? That would have been weird. [Ellen (to Sandra Bullock): "Do you ever thank me for your career?" Sandra: (laughing) "I know you feel..."]. Sandy will shine as a woman who does her best to keep the bus above 50 while keeping the chemistry above zero with a human equivalent of a Zen rock garden [emotionless Keanu Reeves]. I don't care what the speedometer says there's no way the bus is doing more than 30 tops. And I'm so much smarter than this movie. Which isn't really saying much. [Jeff Daniels: "I'm going to go home have some sex."]

Forget the romance; this film is all about the action. And you know things are gonna go fast. But when things get in the way of going fast... the only solution is for those things to go faster [Keanu: "Speed up" "Floor it!" "I'm honna speed it up. Make it jump the track." Sandra: "This is really stupid... Jack!"]. Is any of this possible? No. But also, shut up! This is Speed not Gravity. [Clip from Gravity of Sandra Bullock wrestlng with an air tank in space]. Okay, that's pretty dumb too...

So ride along for a simple action blockbuster that just plain works. Thanks to its likeable stars, snappy dialogue from an uncredited Joss Whedon ["We're at the airport." Yeah, so? I already seen the airport."] and a building release of tension that's so masterful even the victims on the bus are caught up in the fun.[ Clip of bus passengers jumping up with joy, smiling and hugging. "Yes! Hahahaha!!" "We made it!"]. Stop cheering! You're all gonna die! And even if you don't you're still on a bus. [Sad violin music]. That's better.

Starring: [Keanu Reeeves as Jack Traven] John Quick; [Dennis Hopper as Howard Payne] Dennis the Menace; [Sandra Bullock drives with her eyes closed] Bird Bus; Sometimes I Doubt Your Commitment to Sparkle Motion; Buses Move Pretty Fast. If You Stop and Look Around Once in a While, You'll Explode; 90's Gizmos; 90's Dancing" (Is this really how anyone has danced, like, ever?); and [Jeff Daniels] Whatever Joke Lets us Play the Dumb and Dumber Diarrhea Clip.
Honest Trailers Speed Open Invideo 4-51 screenshot

The honest title for Speed was 'Mr Whoa's Wild Ride.' Titles designed by Robert Holtby.

Mr Whoa's Wild Ride

Dennis Hopper: "Interactive TV, Jack! Wave of the future. Hahaha!"

It's called YouTube, Mr. Hopper... and you're on it!!!

[Camera zooms in on Dennis Hopper's face. The screen turns red. Dun! Dun! Dun!!!!]

Trivia Edit

Watch the full Honest Trailers Commentary on YouTube

Reception Edit

Honest Trailers - Speed has a 97.9% approval rating from YouTube viewers. MOE Lane declared that this Honest Trailer was "one of their better ones" and "Honest Trailers just pretty much nailed the jokes and the timing on this one." Screen Rant wrote "the Speed Honest Trailer has fun pointing out the film's silliest elements, ranging from its ham-fisted exposition to its reliance on '90s action movie tropes ...  At the same time, the trailer acknowledges the movie "just plain works" thanks to its terse action sequences, charismatic casting, and clever dialogue crafted by an uncredited Joss Whedon." Marissa Martinelli of Slate concurred, writing, "In between jabs about the movie’s ’90s setting, the unpleasantness of bus travel, and Keanu Reeves’ lack of chemistry with costar Sandra Bullock, the Honest Trailer correctly identifies what makes Speed so fun to watch."

Production credits Edit

Honest trailer speed

Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Speed.

Epic Voice Guy: Jon Bailey

Title Design by Robert Holtby

Written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell, Danielle Radford & Lon Harris

Produced by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr & Max Dionne

Edited by Kevin Williamsen

External links Edit

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