"From Disney, and the guy who shot Die Hard, comes three action scenes, stacked on top of each other, under a trench coat, pretending to be a movie." ~ Honest Trailers - Speed
This summer, we're getting honest about summer blockbusters past and present. This is Honest Trailers: Blockbuster Summer.
From Disney (20th Century Fox), and the guy who shot Die Hard (Jan de Bont), comes three action scenes, stacked on top of each other, under a trench coat, pretending to be a movie.
Speed
Somewhere in Los Angeles, there's a bomb on a bus, and if it slows down, it will explode.
Payne: If it drops below 50, it blows up.
Exactly.
Jack: If we slow down... it'll blow.
Yes.
News Anchor: --a city bus, rigged to explode if it slows down...
It's not that complicated.
Jack: (to Annie) You gotta stay above 50.
We know.
Payne: You tell that wildcat behind the wheel not to slow down, though...
It's called "Speed"! We get it, okay?! Moving on...
Payne: --we went over the rules.
<sigh>
Meet L.A. cop Jack Traven; he's young, dumb, and full of gum. (montage of Jack chewing gum as Epic Voice Guy is heard chewing gum) Jack and his partner may be the dumber halves of their comedy duos (shows Keanu Reeves as Ted "Theodore" Logan in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and Jeff Daniels as Harry Dunne in Dumb and Dumber), but now, they explode with rage whenever they're outside (montage of Jack lashing out in anger), or just explode. (shows Harry getting caught in a bomb blast at Payne's house) They're up against Howard Payne, one of the great phone-based villains of the 90's.
Payne: --I got your attention now, didn't I, Jack?
Gen. Francis "Frank" X. Hummel (The Rock): --you've probably got no f*cking idea what I'm talking about.
Egor Korshunov (Air Force One): This is bullsh*t.
Mitch Leary (In the Line of Fire): Do you have any idea what I've done--?!
Ghostface (Scream (1996)): You hang up on me again, I'll gut you like a fish...
Simon Gruber (Die Hard with a Vengeance): That was unpleasant. Don't let it happen again.
Dennis Hopper thrills as the Joker without the makeup, in such a convincing madman performance, you won't even question why he holds the phone all weird (shows Payne holding the phone in his right hand up to his left ear); sure, a bomb injured his left hand, but it made his... right ear go deaf? Pfft! Next, you're going to tell me cars don't fly! (montage of cars being launched into the air, followed by the bus jumping a gap in the overpass)
Climb aboard a bus full of people who either just found out they're going to die, or that's just how everyone looks when they're on a bus (shows the passengers with downtrodden expressions on their faces as sad violin music plays); then, rev your engines, as Sandra Bullock goes from "that girl in Demolition Man" to America's Sweetheart, all thanks to Halle Berry for passing on the role... and Ellen DeGeneres, too? (an Entertainment Weekly article with the title "'Speed' 20th Anniversary: Screenwriter Graham Yost looks back" pops up, highlighting how Halle Berry and Ellen DeGeneres were considered for Annie) That would've been weird.
Ellen DeGeneres: Do you ever thank me for your career?
Sandra Bullock: I-I know you feel... (crowd erupts into laughter)
Sandy will shine as a woman who does her best to keep the bus above 50, while keeping the chemistry above zero with the human equivalent of a Zen rock garden. I don't care what the speedometer says; there's no way the bus is doing more than 30, tops. Man, I'm so much smarter than this movie, which... isn't really saying much.
Harry: I'm gonna go home... have some sex.
Jack: (chuckles)
Forget the romance; this film is all about the action, and you know things are gonna go fast. But when things get in the way of going fast...
Annie: (after accidentally hitting a baby carriage) Oh, my God!
Jack: There was no baby. It was full of cans.
Annie: Are you sure?
...the only solution is for those things to go faster.
Jack: Speed up! / Wedge down the gas pedal.
Jack: Floor it.
Annie: What?
Jack: Floor it!
Jack: I'm gonna speed it up. Make it jump the track.
Annie: This is really stupid. Jack.
Is any of this possible? No. But also, shut up; this is Speed, not Gravity. (shows Dr. Ryan Stone struggling to propel herself through space with a fire extinguisher in Gravity) Okay, that's pretty dumb, too.
So ride along for a simple action blockbuster that just plain works, thanks to its likable stars, snappy dialogue from an uncredited Joss Whedon...
Doug: We're at the airport.
Ortiz: Yeah, so?
Doug: I already seen the airport.
...and a building release of tension that's so masterful, even the victims in the bus are caught up in the fun. (shows the passengers celebrating jumping the gap in the overpass) Stop cheering! You're all going to die! And even if you don't, you're still on a bus! (shows the clip of passengers with downtrodden expressions on their faces as sad violin music plays again) That's better.
Starring: John Quick (Keanu Reeves as Officer Jack Traven); Dennis the Menace (Dennis Hopper as Howard Payne); Bird Bus (Sandra Bullock as Annie Porter); Sometimes I Doubt Your Commitment to Sparkle Motion (Beth Grant as Helen); Buses Move Pretty Fast. If You Stop and Look Around Once in a While, You'll Explode (Alan Ruck as Doug Stephens); 90's Gizmos (shows examples of 1990s-era technology); 90's Dancing? (shows Harry and Robin drunkenly slow-dancing) Is this really how anyone has danced... like, ever?; and Whatever Excuse Lets Us Play the Dumb and Dumber Diarrhea Clip (Jeff Bridges as Det. Harry Temple, followed by a clip of Harry Dunne having explosive diarrhea in Dumb and Dumber).
Payne: Interactive TV, Jack. Wave of the future! (chuckles) Huh?
It's called "YouTube", Mr. Hopper... and you're on it. (close-up, fade to red, sinister sting)
Trivia[]
Honest Trailers Commentary - Speed
The writers all loved the film. Writer/producer Dan Murrell said it was the first R-rated movie he was allowed to watch as a child, while writer/producer Joe Starr said it was one of his first VHS tapes. Only writer Danielle Radford has seen the sequel Speed 2: Cruise Control.
Many fans requested an Honest Trailer for John Wick: Chapter 2 to coincide with the release of John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum. However, the writers had little to say about that film, except that they liked the action and didn't like the convoluted assassin lore. The writers chose to do Speed because it was much more fun for them. An honest trailer covering both Chapter 2 and Chapter 3 would eventually be released on April 27, 2021.
The idea of cutting to the Dumb and Dumber diarrhea clip was inspired by a 1995 SNL sketch where Chris Elliott plays a television host interviewing Daniels about his distinguished career. A low res version of the sketch can be viewed here. Spencer even proposed making that clip the new "Alan."
Honest Trailers - Speed has a 97.9% approval rating from YouTube viewers. MOE Lane declared that this Honest Trailer was "one of their better ones" and "Honest Trailers just pretty much nailed the jokes and the timing on this one." Screen Rant wrote "the Speed Honest Trailer has fun pointing out the film's silliest elements, ranging from its ham-fisted exposition to its reliance on '90s action movie tropes ... At the same time, the trailer acknowledges the movie "just plain works" thanks to its terse action sequences, charismatic casting, and clever dialogue crafted by an uncredited Joss Whedon." Marissa Martinelli of Slate concurred, writing, "In between jabs about the movie’s ’90s setting, the unpleasantness of bus travel, and Keanu Reeves’ lack of chemistry with costar Sandra Bullock, the Honest Trailer correctly identifies what makes Speed so fun to watch."
