Spider-Man: No Way Home is the 439th episode of the Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2021 superhero film Spider-Man: No Way Home. It was published on March 29, 2022. It is 6 minutes and 36 seconds long. It has been viewed over 300,000 times.
Script[]
He's played second fiddle to Iron Man, second fiddle to Iron Man's supporting cast, and second fiddle to Iron Man's astrologer. But this time, Tom Holland swings into uncharted territory, playing third fiddle... to Spider-Man.
Spider-Man: No Way Home
The worst-kept secret in nerddom is out (plays a clip from the Brazilian trailer showing the Lizard recoiling from an invisible punch): all the live-action Spider-Men are back... except for the two from the 70's. (shows clips of Nicholas Hammond's Spider-Man from Spider-Man Strikes Back and Shinji Tōdō's Spider-Man from the Japanese TV series) They've taken a break from either starring in Oscar-nominated movies (shows Andrew Garfield as Jonathan Larson in Tick, Tick... Boom!), or narrating The Boss Baby (shows Tobey Maguire recording lines as the narrator for the film), in a film that pleases everyone from millennials who look as old as Tobey did in Spider-Man 1, to younger revisionists who insist everyone secretly loved the Andrew Garfield movies...
Aleksei Sytsevich: Brave boy! Eh?!
...with so many in-jokes, memes, and references...
Norman: You know, I'm something of a scientist myself.
...you'll swear you've been in a coma since 2014.
Raimi-Verse Peter: You are amazing.
Webb-Verse Peter: You know, I kind of needed to hear that. Thank you.
Huh. Doesn't really sound too bad, actually. I want to forget...
Devil Emoji: You're so soft, Poop.
Tom Brand as Mr. Fuzzypants (Nine Lives): I've been a bad kitty...
Jared Leto's Joker: (with his tattooed hand over his mouth) Ha... Ha... Ha...
(a neuralyzer from Men in Black pops up and flashes)
Spider-Man's identity has been revealed, and Peter's only solution is to brainwash everyone so they forget all the horrible things he's done. Tony would be so proud... (plays a clip from Iron Man showing Tony's demonstration of the Jericho missile) Thrill as he teams up with the Sorcerer Supreme to wave his hands around and say "multiverse" until the Sony films pop out, pulling in all the characters you loved (shows shots of J. K. Simmons' J. Jonah Jameson, Willem Dafoe's Green Goblin, Alfred Molina's Doc Ock, and Tom Hardy's Venom), some of the characters you forgot about (shows shots of Thomas Haden Church's Sandman, Jamie Foxx's Electro, and Rhys Ifans' Lizard), and none of the characters Sony would like you to forget about (shows shots of James Franco's Harry Osborn, Topher Grace's Venom, and Dane DeHaan's Harry Osborn), in this potentially cosmic threat that sounds like a job for Doctor Strange, but this time, he's been replaced with someone more like Dr. Oz.
Spider-Man: (as Doctor Strange yells in frustration after being webbed in the Mirror Dimension) I'm sorry, sir... (Doctor Strange stares as the portal closes)
Peter: (after seeing the pumpkin bomb in the Machina di Kadavus) Strange, no! (the bomb explodes)
Doctor Strange: (while trying to get the Machina di Kadavus from Spider-Man's unconscious body as his reflexes take over) You should not... be able to... do that!
Doctor Strange: I've been dangling over the Grand Canyon for twelve hours!
Peter: I know, I know, I know.
If he turns out to be a Skrull, I'm going to be so pissed/pleased with myself for calling it.
While Spider-Man is busy fiddling with two different magic boxes, discovering the scientific cure for evil, and other relatable teenage stuff like dating Zendaya or being too famous for college, you'll catch up with old pals like Flash Thompson, a bully who's taken so many L's, he had to greenscreen himself into a party; the faculty of Midtown High, who really deserve their own Disney+ series. Please?...
Coach Wilson: Mysterio was right.
Mr. Harrington: Stop. We don't--
Coach Wilson: Mysterio was right.
Mr. Harrington: That's all.
...a sad Happy...
Happy: I could've been more fun.
Aunt May: We'll hang out again.
Happy: Like, when do you think?
...and Aunt May, who's ready to graduate from being a female sex object to being a female sex object killed off to motivate the male hero. Aww, don't feel too bad, Pete; everyone you love has to die no matter what universe you're in!
Raimi-Verse Peter: My uncle Ben was killed. It was my fault.
Webb-Verse Peter: I lost Gwen, my, um... She was my MJ.
Why are you crying? This is supposed to be inspirational!
Watch Marvel pull off a Sinister Six Minus One like it was no big deal, featuring Willem Dafoe's iconic Green Goblin, one of the best comic book movie performances ever...
Green Goblin: Norman's on sabbatical, honey.
...Alfred Molina's well-earned victory lap as Doc Ock, when he's not being roasted by Zoomers...
Doc Ock: Dr. Otto Octavius.
Peter: (after he, MJ, and Ned laugh at Doc Ock's real name) Wait, no, seriously, what's your actual name?
...Jamie Foxx's Electro, who improves on his debut by changing every single thing about it...
Lizard: What happened to you? [...] Did you get a makeover?
...Sandman... 's there; and Lizard, who they keep in a truck to hide the fact that he looked better ten years ago. Even Reptile in the new Mortal Kombat looked better; even Reptile in the OLD Mortal Kombat looked better! But Spidey won't give up on curing all these bad boys of their impure thoughts; in fact, he'll dose them with hot liquid therapy, then portal them back to the lives they've already ruined. Thanks, Spider-Man; Norman Osborn may have lost his son, company, and reputation, but now he'll be able to feel crippling regret over it!
Norman: What have I done?
So get ready to cheer when you see it in theaters (plays clips of audiences cheering to Matt Murdock, Webb-Verse Peter, and Raimi-Verse Peter's appearances in the film), because those moments are just awkward to watch by yourself at home...
Webb-Verse Peter: (panting after taking off his mask) Okay... (shows MJ gesturing in confusion at him)
Raimi-Verse Peter: (after silently walking through the portal and seeing Ned and MJ) Hello.
...in what's still an amazing two-and-a-half-hour brain vacation, that's the cinematic equivalent of all your exes coming together to reminisce on all the good times you had...
Webb-Verse Peter: I love you guys.
...and not the time they made you, well... you know... watch Amazing Spider-Man 2.
Aleksei Sytsevich: I am the Rhino!
Starring: Peter Parker Picked a Pack of Partners (Tom Holland as Peter Parker/Spider-Man/"Peter-1"); Thwip Thwip Boom (Andrew Garfield as Webb-Verse Peter Parker/Spider-Man/"Peter-3"); The Spider House Rules (Tobey Maguire as Raimi-Verse Peter Parker/Spider-Man/"Peter-2"); Zen and the Art of Multiversal Maintenance (Zendaya as Michelle "MJ" Jones-Watson); Aunt Man (Jon Favreau as Harold "Happy" Hogan); The Sorcerer's Apprentice (Jacob Batalon as Ned Leeds); The Assistant TO the Regional Sorcerer (Benedict Cumberbatch as Dr. Stephen Strange/Doctor Strange and Benedict Wong as Wong); If I Were a Fixed Man, Ya-De-Da-De-Da-De-Da-De-Da-De-Da-De-Da-De-Dum... (cracks up) (Alfred Molina as Dr. Otto Octavius/Doctor Octopus); The Green Gollum (Willem Dafoe as Norman Osborn/Green Goblin); Project Power (Jamie Foxx as Max Dillon/Electro); I Don't Like Sand (Thomas Haden Church as Flint Marko/Sandman); Welcome Back, Connors (Rhys Ifans as Dr. Curt Connors/Lizard); Alex Jones Jameson (J. K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson); Netflix and Billable Hours (Charlie Cox as Matt Murdock); and Say the Line! Say It!
Aunt May: --with great power, there must also come great responsibility.
Yayyyy! (Marisa Tomei as May Parker)
The Adventures of Pete & Pete & Pete
The honest title for Spider-Man: No Way Home was ‘The Adventures of Pete & Pete & Pete’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
Peter: --don't let MIT be dumb like me.
MIT Administrator: MIT is dumb?
Well, you're the Vice Chancellor, and you can't figure out a childproof lock, so... maybe?
MIT Administrator: (after trying to open the car door) The door's locked. Door's-- Hey! (screams as Doc Ock slams Spider-Man into the car)
Viewer's Comments[]
Can you say: Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles. - Bulldog2057
Say "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends!" - Dupe Scoop
Please say "Nutella is angelic poop" - Elli Senfsaat
Say "This program was made possible by contributions to your PBS Station from Viewers Like You. Thank You." - Liam Carmody
Trivia[]
Reception[]
Production Credits[]
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Written by: Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford, & Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert
Associate Producer: Ryan O'Toole
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen
Post-Production Supervisor: Emin Bassavand
Post-Production Coordinator: Mikołaj Kossakowski
Assistant Editor: Rebecca Castaneda
Director of Video Production: Max Dionne
