Superman Returns is the 146th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr and Andy Signore. It parodies the 2006 superhero film Superman. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It was published on April 19, 2016, in response to a Batman vs Superman popularity contest. It is 4 minutes 54 seconds long. It has been viewed over 2.8 million times.
"Prepare for Bryan Singer's bland mix of homage, sequel, remake, and reboot, in this "ho-boot-quel" that takes everything you love about the older films and just kinda does that again." ~ Honest Trailers - Superman Returns
After Warner Bros. cancelled Superman projects by Tim Burton, McG, and director Brett Ratner, prepare for Bryan Singer's bland mix of homage, sequel, remake, and reboot, in this "hobootquel" that takes everything you love about the older films and just kinda does that again (shows clips of repeated lines from the 1978 Superman film and Superman Returns).
Christopher Reeve is Superman, and Brandon Routh is doing a pretty good impression of him. He's the same dorky, all-American hero, but with a brand new twist: now he's also a deadbeat dad who knocked up Lois Lane, then left for five years to go double-check on some rocks. But Supes isn't the only throwback at this Donner party. Kevin Spacey stars as Gene Hackman's Lex Luthor, with his life sentence overturned in the worst court decision since O. J. (Jimmy Olsen: The appeals court called Superman as a witness, and he wasn't around.). Lex is free to pursue his stupid real estate schemes with his stupid sidekicks and collection of stupid wigs. (shows Lex Luthor wearing a long-haired wig) Whoa, no way. Did that wig grow up to become Jesse Eisenberg (shows Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor in Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice)?
After five years of letting Earth fend for itself, Superman has returned to get back in the pants of his ex-girlfriend. Watch Kal-El super-stalk Lois Lane, who still can't spell (Lois Lane: How many 'f's are there in 'catastrophic'?/Perry White: None.), has the password you'd expect Lois Lane to have ("Superman"), and constantly lies to her perfect boyfriend about her one-night stand with Superman, which means James Marsden has now lost girls to Superman, Wolverine (X-Men), and Ryan frickin' Gosling (The Notebook) and, in the end, gets rewarded for his loyalty by raising a kid who might not even be his.
Suit up in your Sunday best, because if you thought Zack Snyder was way too on the nose with the Jesus imagery, Bryan Singer will really nail you in the wrist with it, as Superman falls from the sky doing "cross arms", has his side pierced with a spear, dies and comes back to life, and floats around in heaven listening to prayers, which is all pretty ironic considering Superman was invented by two Jewish guys from Cleveland.
So get ready for some of the best Superman action, and arguably the best Superman action sequence, in a film where Superman rescues a ton of people and yet still has time to be a boring, mopey dick. See, Zack? You *can* have it both ways.
But don't let the action fool you. Watch as this sleepy remake gets bogged down with tons of boring stuff, like moping, newspaper reading, crystal fondling, the one song you can play on piano ("Heart and Soul"), Parker Posey silently reacting to things, waiting for stuff to happen, and a final battle where Superman faces off against an inanimate island. Ughhh.
Starring Christopher Routh (Brandon Routh as Clark Kent/Superman), Damsel in Dis Dress (Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane), House of Shards (Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor), Super Muppet (Tristan Lake Leabu as Jason White), Sighclops (James Marsden as Richard White), Kal-El Penn (Kal Penn as Stanford), The Batman v. Superman Script (shows newspapers with the alternate headlines "Superman is Dead" and "Superman Lives"), and Why Is Parker Posey in This Movie and Why Is She Holding an Enormous Glass of Olives? (Parker Posey as Kitty Kowalski).
Man of Feels
So Lois still doesn't know Clark Kent is Superman, even after they had sex? I mean, c'mon! It's so obvious, a child could see it (shows Jason White looking at Clark Kent next to a TV monitor displaying Superman's picture)!
- The choice of film for this Honest Trailer was determined by a contest that coincided with the theatrical release of Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. Screen Junkies released two Honest Trailers on the same day - Batman (1989) and Superman (1978) - and announced that whichever video got the most views would determine whether an Honest Trailer would be made for Batman Begins or Superman Returns, respectively. Superman Returns won the competition, but Batman Begins was eventually given the Honest Trailers treatment also.
- The honest title "Man of Feels" was reused for Unbreakable.
- Honest Trailers have been produced for several other Superman movies, including Superman (1978), Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, Man of Steel, Batman v Superman and Justice League.
- An Honest Trailer Commentary for this episode was recorded and was available on the Screen Junkies Plus until the website/app was discontinued. Screen Junkies don't currently have any way of releasing the video.
Honest Trailers - Superman Returns has a 97.9% approval rating from YouTube viewers. CinemaBlend said they understood why "Screen Junkies seems to find the film as one, gigantic bore." Both Geeks of Doom and The Nerdist agreed with Screen Junkies "that the scene in Superman Returns where he saves the plane from crashing into the baseball stadium is arguably the best Superman action sequence ever." Uproxx wrote "the honest trailer, while admitting maybe we were too hard on Superman Returns, does admit some of the weaknesses, like the movie’s slogging pace and its inability to decide if it’s a sequel, a remake, or a reboot. But, hey, at least we get to see James Marsden get cuckolded in yet another movie."
Production credits Edit
Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey
Title design by Robert Holtby
Edited by Anthony Falleroni
- Superman Returns Honest Trailer Reminds Us How Boring That Movie Really Is - CinemaBlend article
- SUPERMAN RETURNS GETS A SURPRISINGLY GENTLE HONEST TRAILER - Nerdist article
- Honest Trailer Presents ‘Superman Returns’ - Geeks of Doom article
- Honest Trailers Takes On The Mopey, Dopey ‘Superman Returns’ - Uproxx article
- Honest Trailer For SUPERMAN RETURNS - Geek Tyrant article