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Superman Returns is the 146th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr and Andy Signore. It parodies the 2006 superhero film Superman. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It was published on April 19, 2016, in response to a Batman vs Superman popularity contest. It is 4 minutes 54 seconds long. It has been viewed over 2.8 million times.

Watch Honest Trailers - Superman Returns on YouTube

"Prepare for Bryan Singer's bland mix of homage, sequel, remake, and reboot, in this "ho-boot-quel" that takes everything you love about the older films and just kinda does that again." ~ Honest Trailers - Superman Returns

ScriptEdit

Before the balls-to-the-wall mayhem of Man of Steel, but after the balls-to-the-wall nonsense of Superman IV, there was the balls-to-the-wall boredom of Superman Returns.

After Warner Bros. cancelled Superman projects by Tim Burton, McG, and director Brett Ratner, prepare for Bryan Singer's bland mix of homage, sequel, remake, and reboot, in this "hobootquel" that takes everything you love about the older films and just kinda does that again (shows clips of repeated lines from the 1978 Superman film and Superman Returns).

Christopher Reeve is Superman, and Brandon Routh is doing a pretty good impression of him. He's the same dorky, all-American hero, but with a brand new twist: now he's also a deadbeat dad who knocked up Lois Lane, then left for five years to go double-check on some rocks. But Supes isn't the only throwback at this Donner party. Kevin Spacey stars as Gene Hackman's Lex Luthor, with his life sentence overturned in the worst court decision since O. J. (Jimmy Olsen: The appeals court called Superman as a witness, and he wasn't around.). Lex is free to pursue his stupid real estate schemes with his stupid sidekicks and collection of stupid wigs. (shows Lex Luthor wearing a long-haired wig) Whoa, no way. Did that wig grow up to become Jesse Eisenberg (shows Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor in Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice)?

After five years of letting Earth fend for itself, Superman has returned to get back in the pants of his ex-girlfriend. Watch Kal-El super-stalk Lois Lane, who still can't spell (Lois Lane: How many 'f's are there in 'catastrophic'?/Perry White: None.), has the password you'd expect Lois Lane to have ("Superman"), and constantly lies to her perfect boyfriend about her one-night stand with Superman, which means James Marsden has now lost girls to Superman, Wolverine (X-Men), and Ryan frickin' Gosling (The Notebook) and, in the end, gets rewarded for his loyalty by raising a kid who might not even be his.

Suit up in your Sunday best, because if you thought Zack Snyder was way too on the nose with the Jesus imagery, Bryan Singer will really nail you in the wrist with it, as Superman falls from the sky doing "cross arms", has his side pierced with a spear, dies and comes back to life, and floats around in heaven listening to prayers, which is all pretty ironic considering Superman was invented by two Jewish guys from Cleveland.

So get ready for some of the best Superman action, and arguably the best Superman action sequence, in a film where Superman rescues a ton of people and yet still has time to be a boring, mopey dick. See, Zack? You *can* have it both ways.

But don't let the action fool you. Watch as this sleepy remake gets bogged down with tons of boring stuff, like moping, newspaper reading, crystal fondling, the one song you can play on piano ("Heart and Soul"), Parker Posey silently reacting to things, waiting for stuff to happen, and a final battle where Superman faces off against an inanimate island. Ughhh.

Starring Christopher Routh (Brandon Routh as Clark Kent/Superman), Damsel in Dis Dress (Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane), House of Shards (Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor), Super Muppet (Tristan Lake Leabu as Jason White), Sighclops (James Marsden as Richard White), Kal-El Penn (Kal Penn as Stanford), The Batman v. Superman Script (shows newspapers with the alternate headlines "Superman is Dead" and "Superman Lives"), and Why Is Parker Posey in This Movie and Why Is She Holding an Enormous Glass of Olives? (Parker Posey as Kitty Kowalski).

Honest Trailers - Superman ReturnsOpen Invideo 4-6 screenshot

Honest title for Superman Returns - Man of Feels. Title design by Robert Holtby.

Man of Feels

So Lois still doesn't know Clark Kent is Superman, even after they had sex? I mean, c'mon! It's so obvious, a child could see it (shows Jason White looking at Clark Kent next to a TV monitor displaying Superman's picture)!

 Trivia Edit

 Reception Edit

Honest Trailers - Superman Returns has a 97.9% approval rating from YouTube viewers. CinemaBlend said they understood why "Screen Junkies seems to find the film as one, gigantic bore." Both Geeks of Doom and The Nerdist agreed with Screen Junkies "that the scene in Superman Returns where he saves the plane from crashing into the baseball stadium is arguably the best Superman action sequence ever." Uproxx wrote "the honest trailer, while admitting maybe we were too hard on Superman Returns, does admit some of the weaknesses, like the movie’s slogging pace and its inability to decide if it’s a sequel, a remake, or a reboot. But, hey, at least we get to see James Marsden get cuckolded in yet another movie." 

 Production credits Edit

SupermanReturns

Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Superman Returns

Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey

Title design by Robert Holtby

Series Created by Andy Signore & Brett Weiner

Written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr, and Andy Signore

Edited by Anthony Falleroni

External links Edit

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