Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) is the 85th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Dan Murrell, Spencer Gilbert and Andy Signore. It parodies the 2014 reboot film Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It was published on December 23, 2014, to coincide with the film's release on home video and Blu-ray. It is 4 minutes 56 seconds long. It has been viewed over 8.2 million times.
"The Turtles are back, and they're scary as sh*t." ~ Honest Trailers - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)
From the producer hellbent on taking all the fun out of your childhood toys (Michael Bay) comes the reboot that somehow gets the spirit of the four heroes right, but absolutely nothing else:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
The Turtles are back, and they're scary as sh*t. Meet these four roided-out nightmare versions of Shrek with some of the most needlessly complicated backstories of all time, where they were born in the lab of April O'Neil's father, making them April's childhood pets (April: They were my childhood pets, and they were named after Italian Renaissance painters.), who she tries to save in a fire, then immediately dumps them down a sewer for some reason, where they're raised by a mutant rat who quickly learned how to become a ninja from...reading a book that someone flushed down the toilet? Whaaa? What was wrong with the ooze falling down the sewer, like they did in the cartoon?
You were dying to see fan favorites like Krang, Casey Jones, Bebop, and Rocksteady. Instead, get ready for April O'Neil: The Movie, a film all about her quest to be taken seriously as a journalist while being sexually objectified by her coworker (Vern: Yeah, that's good!) and the director of the movie (Vern: Yeah, that's good!) and even her own childhood pet.
Michelangelo: She's so hot, I can feel my shell tightening...We can still have adult conversations...I got a nice song that's all cued up. It's special, girl...That's my girl...Dibs!
You know, a turtle's genitals are half the length of their bodies, so good luck with that, Mikey.
William Fichtner is The Shredder, or at least he was supposed to be until the nerd rage of a thousand fan boys changed the studio's mind. Now, it's this random Japanese guy (Tohoru Masamune), who we never really see or get to know, in a bunch of painfully obvious reshoots. Together, they'll hatch an evil plan to poison New York City, then sell them a mutagen they created that can cure all disease...instead of just selling the cure on the open market? That's gotta be worth something, right?
Suit up for a project that was only produced by Michael Bay, but still has everything you'd expect from a movie he directed, like things going "boom", Megan Fox, fart jokes, a big ol' truck, Shia LaBeoufing (April: No, no, no, no, no.), gratuitous slo-mo, unnecessary camera spins, and tons of product placement.
Michelangelo: I got a secret stash of Orange Crush behind the fridge...There's literally nothing that could break me right now.
(Pizza Hut pizza box appears next to him)
All the pizza places in New York City to choose from, and they go with Pizza Hut? You're in New York! You got Ray's, Ray's Original, Famous Ray's, Famous Original Ray's, Ray's Famous World Original, and you go to Pizza Hut? Get outta here.
So ride along for a story you've totally seen before (shows references to previous Ninja Turtles movies and TV shows) with this below-average reboot that's all but ruined the franchise.
Child: Hey, I thought it was pretty cool.
Jon Bailey: Where'd you come from, kid?
Child: Why are you being so mean? Michelangelo is funny.
Jon Bailey: But the plot was terrible, and they completely ruined the characters!
Child: It is just a kid's movie, right? It's not like Turtles were better in your day.
Jon Bailey: They were!
(shows the Ninja Turtles dancing to the "Ninja Rap" in 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze)
Ugh, touche. Can we at least agree the new one needs a mutant warthog and a badass rhino?
Child: Yeah, that sounds cool!
Jon Bailey: Are you listening, Michael Bay?
Starring Leads (Pete Ploszek and Johnny Knoxville as Leonardo), Does Machines (Jeremy Howard as Donatello), Cool But Crude (Alan Ritchson as Raphael), A Party Dude (Noel Fisher as Michelangelo), Mr. Miyucky (Danny Woodburn and Tony Shalhoub as Splinter), Whoopi Cushion (Whoopi Goldberg as Bernadette Thompson), Fox News (Megan Fox as April O'Neil), Fruit Ninja, You've Made a Huge Mistake (Will Arnett as Vern Fenwick), and The Iron Throne (Tohoru Masamune as Oroku Saki/The Shredder).
Corporate Reboot Cash-Grab Turtles
- Screen Junkies have produced Honest Trailers for several other TMNT movies including the film's 2016 sequel Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows, the 1991 film Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze, and the 90s stage musical production Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of Their Shells.
- Screen Junkies have produced Honest Trailers for several other 2010s live-action reboots including Maleficent, The Jungle Book and Beauty and the Beast.
- An Honest Trailer Commentary for this episode was recorded and was available on the Screen Junkies Plus until the website/app was discontinued. Screen Junkies don't currently have any way of releasing the video.
Honest Trailers - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) has a 97.9% approval rating from YouTube viewers. Geek Tyrant said that, in the Honest Trailer, Screen Junkies "rip the film apart and spoil every convoluted change to the origins of the turtles. They also let a child chime in and point out that the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies we grew up with weren’t that great either." Nerd Bastards said the Honest Trailer "will bring a smile to your face, it won’t get you back the 101 minutes of your life that TMNT ruthlessly ripped away."
Bustle remarked that this Honest Trailer "isn't the best" largely because "making fun of this year's epic misfire Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is like shooting fish in a barrel." However, Bustle also noted that viewers will "crack up at the references to the "scary-as-s**t" turtles, "painfully obvious reshoots" after the complaints from Internet fanboys, and 'everything you'd expect from Michael Bay... like things going boom.'" In the same article, Bustle appreciated the way the Honest Trailer "delightfully gets some much-needed perspective from a new generation of TMNT fans who poses the question, 'You know this is a kids movie, right? It's not like turtles were better in your day.'"
Production credits Edit
Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey
TMNT fan voice by Tyler Bailey
Title design by Robert Holtby
Edited by Dan Murrell & Jason Inman
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- Watch: Honest Trailer For ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Reboot Which Gets The Spirit Right, But Everything Else Wrong - Indie Wire article
- Honest Trailer for Michael Bay’s TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES - Geek Tyrant article
- 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Gets the Honest Trailer Treatment - But I Still Wanna Punch Something - Nerd Bastards article