Honest Trailer - Terminator: Dark Fate is the 332nd episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies Terminator: Dark Fate. The video is 4 minutes 18 seconds long. It was published on February 11, 2020, to coincide with the release of a similar movie Sonic the Hedgehog (also by Paramount and Tim Miller). The video has been viewed over 1.1 million times.
Watch Honest Trailers - Terminator: Dark Fate on YouTube
"They finally made a decent Terminator movie, only now, no one gives a sh*t." ~ Honest Trailers - Terminator: Dark Fate
Script
After Terminator 3 let you down, Salvation left you bored, and Genisys had you wondering what you've done to deserve this, they finally made a decent Terminator movie, only now, no one gives a sh*t. You know, you'd think, out of all the franchises, this one would have a better sense of timing.
Terminator: Dark Fate
Do you like the first two Terminators? Well, what if they did that again, but this time, Kyle Reese... was a girl, John Connor... was a girl, and everything else... was the same, from the characters, to the action (clips comparing the action scenes from Terminator 2 and Terminator: Dark Fate), to the dialogue (clips comparing "I'll be back" from The Terminator, Terminator 2, and Terminator: Dark Fate)... sorta...
Kyle Reese: Come with me if you want to live.
T-800: Come with me if you want to live.
Grace: Come with me, or you're dead in the next 30 seconds!
...and, in a brand-new twist, half of it... is in México?! How do you not work "hasta la vista" into this one? IT WAS RIGHT THERE!
Forget everything that happened in the last three films -- And, done. -- and strap in for a story that picks up a few years after T2, then instantly makes that whole movie pointless (the T-800 succeeds in its mission to assassinate John Connor). Wah-wah-waaah. But if you can shake that off, you're in for a back-to-basics Terminator picture, where law enforcement does the dying (montage of law enforcement personnel getting slaughtered by the Rev-9), the time travelers do the future sh*t...
Sarah Connor: What are you doing?
Grace: Future sh*t.
...and the guns don't do much of anything (montage of the Rev-9 tanking gunfire). Ah, the old step-and-shoot-and-step-and-shoot, a Terminator tradition.
Linda Hamilton returns as Sarah Connor, a survivor trapped in an endless cycle of reboots.
Sarah Connor: A Terminator drops out, so I destroy it. And then two years later, same thing.
But she's not the only badass with "let me speak to your manager" hair. There's Grace, an enhanced human with a couple of minutes of super-strength in her before she gets white-girl wasted (Grace chugs down as many pills as she can like a madwoman). They'll form an unlikely alliance with the T-800 model who killed John Connor...
(Sarah Connor tries to shoot the T-800, but Grace forces the shotgun away from it)
Sarah Connor: I'll kill you!
...then used his newfound free will to become a celibate Texan drape salesman (?) --
Carl: Our relationship is not physical. / I do drapes.
Weird flex, but all right -- all to protect Dani, the future leader of humanity's resistance thanks to her powerful message: "robots bad".
Daniella "Dani" Ramos: You should be fighting the machines.
Oh, for real? Wow. Never thought of that till you brought it up. Guess you're in charge, then.
Get ready to run from the all-new T-Rev-9, a Terminator model with the power to split itself in two and make itself a goo (shows the Rev-9 splitting into liquid and endoskeleton). But like all good Terminators, this unthinking killing machine won't hesitate to... dramatically hesitate (shows the Rev-9 failing to puncture a glass window for some reason). And when this monster made of living knives gets too close to a main character, you can bet he'll... shove 'em real hard (montage of the Rev-9 shoving the main characters away). And before he kills you, you can bet he'll disarm you with cold, calculating... manners.
Gabriel: Holas. / Buenos dias. / Sorry. / Evening. / Sorry about your shed.
Well, he's not so bad-- (the Rev-9 impales an officer's head) URGH!! Oh, I forgot... robot bad...!
So as all of our faves get old, enjoy another installment in the Logan-ization of pop culture, where a franchise film comes out and doesn't dwell on the terrible sequels, brings back a grizzled ass-kicker, gives them a mean case of PTSD, pairs them with a young girl to hopefully take over from here, and has them do all the stuff you liked, but just differently enough to eke another ten to twenty bucks out of you before dementia sets in and every movie feels new again (shows clips comparing Terminator: Dark Fate with Logan and Halloween (2018)).
Sarah Connor: I'll be back.
We know...
Starring: Joan Connor (Natalia Reyes as Daniella "Dani" Ramos); She Protec But She Also Attac (Mackenzie Davis as Grace); Gooper Trooper (Gabriel Luna as Rev-9/"Gabriel"); ¡Qué Linda! (Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor); Bot Carl (Arnold Schwarzenegger as T-800/"Carl"); Gone in 60 Seconds (Jude Collie and Edward Furlong as John Connor); and The American Healthcare System.
Doctor (Miguel): Do you have a doctor's prescription?
Grace: (pulls out a gun) Here's my prescription.
Terminator: Dos
The honest title for Terminator: Dark Fate was 'Terminator: Dos'. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
Diego: Ehhh... There’s a new guy at my station. (shows a robot cleaning and working)
THEY TERK ER JERBS!!
Trivia
Reception
Production Credits
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Written by: Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell, Danielle Radford & Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell, & Max Dionne
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen
Post-Production Supervisor: Kevin Williamsen
Production Coordinator: Ryan O'Toole