The Blair Witch Project (1999) is the 165th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr and Andy Signore. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 1999 found-footage horror film The Blair Witch Project. It was published on September 6, 2016, to coincide with the theatrical release of the sequel Blair Witch. It is 4 minutes 50 seconds long. It has been viewed over 2.2 million times.
"A film that combines the pulse-pounding excitement of backpacking in Maryland with the breathtaking suspense of amateur film production logistics." ~ Honest Trailers - The Blair Witch Project (1999)
From the writer directors who brought you this movie and not much else, comes the game-changing horror film that made back 20,000% of its budget, changed the face of the genre, and pissed off a generation of film school nerds who wish they'd thought of it first: The Blair Witch Project.
Before you watch the top-secret sequel no one knew was coming or asked for (Blair Witch), revisit the original whose collection of scenes about a bunch of kids wandering around the woods for 90 minutes (Heather: Cuz we're making a documentary. Mike: Not about us getting lost. We're making documentary about a witch), arguing about a map (Josh: Give me the f*cking map I gave you back the map Heather. Heather: I gave you back the. Mike: The map was useless!) taking turns losing their shit (Mike screams. Josh: We ended up in the same place. There's no one here to help you. That's your motivation. Heather: If we get hurt or die out here, it's your f***ing fault) and then dying in a shack, I think? In a film that combines the pulse-pounding excitement of backpacking in Maryland with a breathtaking suspense of amateur film production logistics (Heather: How we're gonna get the DAT across? How are we gonna get the DAT across then? How are we gonna get the DAT across). No one cares!
Meet Heather, Mike and Josh, three kids whose names you'll only remember because they're constantly yelling them at each other (Montage of name-screaming: Josh! Mike! Josh! Mike! Josh! Josh! Josh! Mike! Josh! Mike! Josh: You're going around doing your documentary thing, man, you're still-) watch as they practically beg for death by ignoring the warnings of locals (Local woman: I don't go up there. Heather: You don't go up there? Local woman: I believe enough not to go up there), knocking over rock totems (Heather: You didn't just knock that over please tell me you didn't just knock that over.) stealing voodoo dolls (Josh: She he left little trinkets you f*cking took one of them.), and going into a creepy old murder house. Then again, their response to getting lost was walking for 15 hours with heavy packs in a random direction (Heather: [holds up book] 'How To Stay Alive In The Woods' because she never know what's gonna happen.) They clearly did not read that.
So suit up for the fake snuff film that introduced the world to the scariest monster of all: viral internet marketing. As this fake film tricked the internet into thinking its real actors were missing or dead, and tricked America into believing something actually happened in this movie, leaving behind a minefield of future viral marketing campaigns. This movie basically invented catfishing. Good job. (Heather: I am so, so sorry.)
Starring: Rocks; Sticks; A Clanging Noise; More Rocks; More Sticks; More Clanging Noises; Shaky Camera Shots of the Ground; Shaky Camera Shots of the Forest; Bad Camera Work; Camping; Crossing the Streams; A Black Screen (Heather: Hello?); Not Showing You Things (Heather: Oh my God, what the f*ck is that?; [Scene of Heather talking to the camera in extreme close-up] The Only Scene You Actually Remember From The Movie (Heather: I'm gonna die out here.); and This Guy's Back. That's it? That's the payoff? Man, how were we so scared by this thing?
Mike: Turn the camera off!
Josh: Turn the camera off and get us home!
Mike: Stop taping!
Josh: Please stop taping!
Seriously, please stop filming, this getting hard to watch. (The camera falls to ground, its operator apparently dead). Oh, thank God.
- Screen Junkies have produced Honest Trailers for several other horror films including Happy Death Day, The Conjuring, Get Out, A Quiet Place, The Purge, It, Halloween (1978) and Halloween (2018). See list of Honest Trailers for more.
- An Honest Trailer Commentary for this episode was recorded and was available on the Screen Junkies Plus until the website/app was discontinued. Screen Junkies don't currently have any way of releasing the video.
Honest Trailers - The Blair Witch Project (1999) has a 97.8% approval rating from YouTube viewers. Time appreciated the Honest Trailer's jokes about "the less-than-stellar choices of the movie’s three main characters." CinemaBlend found the Honest Trailer notable for critiquing the shaky cam, slow pace, and "viral marketing campaign, which not only left a lot of people feeling duped, but has been imitated by major blockbusters ever since." Slash Film agreed with the Honest Trailer that the characters appear clueless, but noted that trope is found in many horror films. In the same article, Slash Film completely disagreed with the Honest Trailer's "mockery that we considered this movie scary back in 1999." Slash Film wrote "Sure, you don’t actually see anything scary, but that’s a big part of what makes it so terrifying. Sometimes the unknown and the unseen is far more terrifying than any monster, spirit or demon you might see made from practical or digital effects."
Production credits Edit
Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey
Title design by Robert Holtby
Edited by Bruce Guido & TJ Nordaker
- The Honest Trailer for The Blair Witch Project Asks Why It Scared Everyone So Much - Time article
- The Honest Trailer For The Blair Witch Project Is As Vicious As You'd Think, Watch It Now - CinemaBlend article
- Honest Trailers mocks Blair Witch Project - EW article
- ‘The Blair Witch Project’ Honest Trailer: Revisit the Horror Classic Before Seeing Adam Wingard’s Secret Sequel - IndieWire article
- ‘The Blair Witch Project’ Honest Trailer: The Movie That Basically Invented Catfishing - Slash Film article