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The Expendables is the 69th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Gilli Nissim, Ian Weinreich, Nick Smith, Dan Murrell and Andy Signore. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2010 action film The Expendables. The video was published on August 12, 2014, to coincide with the theatrical release of the film's sequel The Expendables 3. It is 4 minutes and 37 seconds long. It has been viewed over 6.3 million times. With a 98.9% approval rating from YouTube viewers, it is one of the highest-rated Honest Trailers of all time.

Watch Honest Trailers - The Expendables on YouTube

"A film that seamlessly blends the worst action movie cliches of the last forty years, featuring heroes who somehow dodge every bullet from the '80s, corny one-liners from the '90s, lame CGI blood effects from the 2000s, and lame CGI everything else from today." ~ Honest Trailers - The Expendables

ScriptEdit

From the star of Rocky, Rambo, and The Italian Stallion (Sylvester Stallone) comes the only '80s action movie to come out in 2010:

The Expendables

Before the release of the watered-down PG-13 sequel (The Expendables 3), revisit the R-rated movie that has all the explosions, guns, and testosterone you crave, and all the ploddy, overcomplicated backstory you don't.

Tool: Remember that time we was up in Bosnia? We took down them Serb bad boys, all our guys are getting chopped up all around us...

No one cares! Just shoot a bunch of people already! (shows characters shooting guns at each other) Ahh, that's better.

Meet the Expendables, a mercenary gang of aging movie stars brought together for one last paycheck. Thrill as the heroes of your youth team up without nearly enough screen time to go around, featuring hours' worth of Statham and Stallone, but only two minutes of Willis and Schwarzenegger. (shows Trench Mauser walking out a door) He won't be back.

Instead of the all-star brawl you were promised on the poster, get ready for showdowns that no one ever asked for, like Jet Li versus Dolph Lundgren, Steve Austin versus Randy Cowture...Coach...Ca-Cow...Couture?...and Jason Statham versus a pick-up basketball team.

Suit up with the leader of the Expendables, Barney Ross, a man with a mysterious past and a mysterious color-changing goatee (shows side-by-side shots of Barney's goatee being black or grey). Watch this killer with a conscience struggle through tough choices to do the right thing and struggle through botox to make his face smile. (shows Barney attempting to smile) Almost there, you almost got it...aw.

Ride along on his mission to take down this generically evil CIA agent (James Munroe) and this generically evil general (Garza) to save this generically Latin island nation (Vilena) going through some kind of coupe, or revolution, or something.

Munroe: They wanted me out. Why? Because I saw the big picture!

Once again, no one cares.

But it's not just boys playing with their toys. Get to know the movie's rich female characters, like this helpless hostage (Sandra), this cheating girlfriend (Lacy), this random biker skank (Cheyenne), and...uh, ah, that's all, I guess. Not a lot of women in this movie.

Gear up for a film that seamlessly blends the worst action movie cliches of the last forty years, featuring heroes who somehow dodge every bullet from the '80s, corny one-liners from the '90s, lame CGI blood effects from the 2000s, and lame CGI everything else from today.

So get ready to say "Huh?" in a movie full of Asian, Latin, and European actors who speak English as a second language (shows clips of non-English characters speaking butchered English), and also Sylvester Stallone (shows clips of Barney speaking incomprehensibly). Is, is that English?

Starring Sylvester Staroids (Sylvester Stallone as Barney Ross), Cranky (Jason Statham as Lee Christmas), Ivan Drunko (Dolph Lundgren as Gunner Jensen), The Buh-Buh-Buh-Buh Buh-Buh-Black Guy (Terry Crews as Hale Caesar), Lucky to Be Here (Randy Couture as Toll Road), Bruce Will-Isn't in the Movie (Bruce Willis as Mr. Church), Plane Li (Jet Li as Yin Yang), Greasy Gandalf (Mickey Rourke as Tool), and Old Man the Barbarian (Arnold Schwarzenegger as Trench Mauser).

The Expendables

Man, all I really wanted to see is these guys trade one-liners. (shows a scene from The Expendables 2)

Trench: I'll be back.

Church: You've been back enough. I'll be back.

Trench: Yippee ki-yay.

Never mind.

Trivia Edit

Reception Edit

Honest Trailers - The Expendables has an 98.9% approval rating from YouTube viewers, making it one of the highest-rated Honest Trailers of all time. Geek Tyrant said the Honest Trailer was "very funny." IndieWire wrote that the Honest Trailer was "pretty spot on stuff as usual" and highlighted "all the lousy aspects of the genre are present in full force: bad one liners, incomprehensible plotting and women as window dressing" in addition to the fact that several of the actors on the poster lacked screen time. The Huffington Post described the Honest Trailer as "painfully honest" and "hilariously narrated." The Huffington Post also noted that Screen Junkies doesn't just restrict their criticism to this film, noting "a lot of the jokes lobbed apply to all action movies."

Production credits Edit

Expendables

Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - The Expendables

Directed by Andy Signore

Series Created by Andy Signore & Brett Weiner

Episode Written by Spencer Gilbert, Gilli Nissim, Ian Weinreich, Nick Smith, Dan Murrell, and Andy Signore

Edited by Dan Murrell

Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey

External links Edit

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