The Falcon and the Winter Soldier is the 395th episode of the Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2021 superhero television miniseries The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. It was published on May 4, 2021. It is 6 minutes and 8 seconds long. It has been viewed over 1.4 million times.
Script[]
From the streaming service with the biggest gap between quality of content and suckage of interface (Disney+), comes Marvel's latest Avengers you didn't really care about until they got their own TV show.
The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. Who's next? Hawkeye? (the logo for Hawkeye appears) Of course...
When a rogue super-soldier is on the loose, the only thing that can stop her... is a few shots from a regular gun. (Sharon shoots and kills Karli) But since this story has to last six episodes, two of Marvel's weakest heroes are on the case: Sam "The Falcon" Wilson, a man with the power of a jetpack he rents from the Air Force (Falcon flies into battle), and Bucky "The Winter Soldier" Barnes (Bucky slams a knife next to a Flag-Smasher's head), proof that men will literally scour the criminal safe haven of Madripoor instead of going to therapy.
Officer: You missed your court-mandated therapy. [...] I'm sorry, Mr. Barnes, you're under arrest.
But when these not-even-that-opposite military guys have to work together, you'll be in for a lot of forced bickering...
Bucky: That's not a thing.
Sam: That--That's definitely a thing.
Bucky: No, it's not.
...a lot of forced quips, now that Falcon is technically the "funny" one --
Sam: And he mastered posing stoically. (the crowd giggles)
Hehehehe... -- and so much forced talk about Cap's old shield, that you'll start to wish "Cap" was short for "Please de-Cap-itate me."
Sam: Thank you, Captain America... but this belongs to you.
Bucky: Let's take the shield and do this ourselves.
Sam: (to Walker) You got to give me the shield, man.
Bucky: He gave you that shield for a reason. / Why'd you give up that shield? / You had no right to give up the shield, Sam.
Bucky: Shouldn't have given him the shield.
Sam: I didn't give him the shield.
Bucky: That shield's... the closest thing I've got left to a family.
It's just a shield, bro; don't lose your arm over it. (Ayo disables Bucky's mechanical arm) You know, you'd think he would know that there's a button that pops his arm off; I mean, doesn't he ever play with that thing?
Return to the military espionage side of the MCU, where the morals are as gray as the visuals, full of shady characters like... Zemo, a fancy dancer who talks about the Black experience one too many times for someone who blew up the king of Wakanda...
Sam: I told him about Trouble Man. He wrote it in that book.
Zemo: It is a masterpiece, James. [...] It... captures the African-American experience.
Sam: Wh...?
...Sharon Carter, who's grown bitter and resentful since the man she stalked for a living went back in time to bang her great-aunt; and John Walker, the heir apparent... to the Kool-Aid Guy. (montage of Walker busting through walls) "Oh yeah!" He may look the part, but this blond-haired hunk still isn't ready to take on the mantle of America's next Kurt Russell. (shows a shot of Wyatt Russell as John Walker next to his father Kurt Russell as Ego the Living Planet) Also, Julia Louis-Dreyfus pops up at the end, because everyone in Hollywood is obligated to join the MCU at this point. You're next, Costanza.
George Costanza: (shaded purple and with a superimposed Infinity Gauntlet) This whole universe is against me!
No one will escape the fury of the Flag-Smashers, a movement with a nefarious plan... to deliver food and medicine to refugees. But don't worry; they'll kill just enough people to qualify as villains.
Sam: (to Karli) I agree with your fight. I just can't get with the way you're fightin' it.
You tell 'em, Falcon! She needs to join the military first; that's the MCU's license to kill. (shows images of Sam Wilson, Captain America, Nick Fury, James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Carol Danvers, and Bucky, all of whom joined the military) To combat the MCU's rising threat of poor people having nowhere to live, Sam must become a new kind of Captain America, one who will call out the problems with our system...
Captain America: Look, you people have just as much power as an insane god...
...then ask them to "do better" and hope that it changes anything.
Captain America: You've got to do better, Senator!
Honestly, the fact that this speech works is the least realistic part of the MCU, and they share a universe with this guy. (shows the Grandmaster playing an electric keyboard)
So enjoy a show that feels like a stretched-out B-tier Marvel movie, that annoyingly makes you stay up late to watch every episode, unless you want it spoiled on Twitter -- (shows Ayo's return as the #1 trending topic on Twitter) Ugh, dang it! -- in this enjoyable series that deepens existing characters, brings some big-budget action to the small screen (Falcon flies past an exploding helicopter), and adds crucial new information to the Marvel Universe: the Avengers don't get paid sh*t.
Banker: How do you guys make a living?
Sam: There's a... tremendous amount of goodwill...
Banker: --right. But you could've been living off of goodwill this whole time. / --we cannot approve you. / Is there some kind of fund for heroes, or...?
So this is why Scarlet Witch drives a Buick!
Starring: (clears throat) The Black Falcon Was Denied a Bank Loan (Anthony Mackie as Sam Wilson/The Falcon/Captain America III); I Stan Sebastian (Sebastian Stan as James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes/The Winter Soldier/White Wolf); Baron's Dance Grooves (Daniel Brühl as Baron Helmut Zemo, dancing at a club); Tha Carter II (Emily VanCamp as Sharon Carter/The Power Broker); A Wolf in Veep's Clothing (Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine); Goldie's Spawn (Wyatt Russell as John Walker/Captain America II/U.S. Agent); Just When I Thought This Country Couldn't Get Any Meaner, You Go and Do Something Like This... and Totally Redeem Yourself! (Carl Lumbly as Isaiah Bradley); Powerpunch Girl (Erin Kellyman as Karli Morgenthau); <GASP!> It's Those Antifa Supersoldiers I've Been Hearing About (The Flag-Smashers); and... Sam's On a Boat! Sam's On a Boat! Everybody Look at Sam, Cause He's Sailing On a Boat! Sam's On a Boat! Sam's On a Boat! Take a Good Hard Look, at Sam's Sister's Parent's Boat! (montage of Sam aboard the Paul & Darlene)
Sky Captain and the Shield of Tomorrow
The honest title for The Falcon and the Winter Soldier was ‘Sky Captain and the Shield of Tomorrow’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
Bucky: Let's do it. Let's stare.
They're practically begging us to do a Stares montage, huh? (montage of Bucky and Sam staring, set to "Great Ambition")
Dr. Raynor: Are you having a staring contest?
Sam: --the bionic staring machine...
Walker: Does he always just stare like that?
Wait, cut the music! (music cuts off, record scratch) No, no, no, no; you can't stare-bait us like that! Your stares are too forced! Stares have to be natural!
Falcon: You're doing your staring thing again.
Bucky: ...
Viewer's Comments[]
Please say: "There are very few please say comments nowadays". - Shekhar Suman
"Say these violent delights have violent ends." - Cesar Victoriano
Say: It feels too good I can't stop scratching it - Chunkalunkin
say 'Lick the stamp and send iiiiittttt' - Phenix
Trivia[]
Reception[]
Production Credits[]
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Written by: Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford, & Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen
Post-Production Supervisor: Emin Bassavand
Director of Video Production: Max Dionne
Associate Producer: Ryan O'Toole
Executive Producer: Roth Cornet
