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The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies is the 96th episode in Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Erica Russell and Andy Signore. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2013 fantasy sequel film The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies. It features an animated sequence created by Daniel Baxter, Tommy Watson, and Tina Alexander of How It Should Have Ended. It was published on March 25, 2015, to coincide with the film's release on home video and Blu-ray. It is 5 minutes and 5 seconds long. It has been viewed over 5.8 million times.

Watch Honest Trailers - The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies on YouTube

"Another Hobbit movie once again filled with faceless CGI armies slamming into each other, elves defying the basic laws of physics, and people making out-of-place references to Lord of the Rings." ~ Honest Trailers - The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

ScriptEdit

Get ready for episode three of the Hobbit trilogy that's the best in the series because it finally, finally means it's over...kind of like Episode III (Revenge of the Sith):

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

Resign yourself to another Hobbit movie once again filled with faceless CGI armies slamming into each other, elves defying the basic laws of physics, and people making out-of-place references to Lord of the Rings. Now, Peter Jackson will finish picking through Tolkien's bones and put an end to our long-expected journey, and we'll rack our brains to come up with anything new to say about these movies.

Hope you remember what happened in The Desolation of Smaug, because you're about to enter a disorienting dragon holocaust already in progress that clearly should've been the end of the second movie, but wasn't. Once again, Martin Freeman shines in his well-acted, charming portrayal of Bilbo Baggins; and once again, he's turned into an extra in his own movie, because once again, it's all about the mopey dwarf king (Thorin Oakenshield), who's grown from a mopey dick brooding over his lost gold to a mopey dick brooding over his found gold, in a plodding storyline about dragon sickness that finally pays off when he...just kind of decides he's not sick anymore. Huh.

Everyone wants a piece of the treasure within Scrooge McDragon's vault (Smaug's lair). Now, five pages of a children's book will be stretched into an hour-long battle between five to eight different armies, depending on how you count, full of lazy action cliches like easy, bloodless decapitations; last-second rescues; heroes talking to each other in the middle of a raging battle; Gandalf and Bilbo giving play-by-play commentary; and, of course, the eagles, because you can't make a Middle-earth movie without the f*cking eagles showing up at the last second, now can you?

Bilbo: The eagles are coming.

Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski: And I hate the f*cking Eagles, man.

You cried the last time Peter Jackson wrapped up a trilogy with Aragorn's final charge. Now, cry tears of relief as you say goodbye to characters you spent eight hours with and still don't remember their names. (shows Fili being fatally stabbed by Bolg and thrown off a ledge) Oh, no, not...that one!

Finally, roll your eyes at the tacked-on epilogue as Old Bilbo writes down his story sixty years later, and we can only imagine how a book that was actually based on these movies would be received. Hmmm, I wonder what that would've looked like.

(dissolves to an animated sequence of Frodo having just finished Bilbo's book)

Bilbo: So, Frodo, what did you think?

Frodo: Well, it's good, but it was kind of long, almost like you were trying to stretch it out unnecessarily. You really could've cut some of that stuff out.

Bilbo: Oh, well, it's an epic quest.

Frodo: I'm not really sure why we needed to know what Gandalf was up to, or what that elf lady was there for, or what Legolas' purpose was.

Bilbo: I was universe-building!

Frodo: For a book called 'A Hobbit's Tale', you kind of disappeared halfway through, lots of dwarves.

Bilbo: Well, I...I can't be everywhere at once.

Frodo: Also, what exactly were the five armies? It's kind of unclear.

Bilbo: Ahhh...

Frodo: And that sidekick from the Master of Laketown, woof! Talk about a character that goes nowhere.

Bilbo: Well, since you have so many bright ideas, why don't you try it?!

Frodo: I'm sorry. It was just so serious. It might have worked better as a children's book.

(Bilbo attacks Frodo; the trailer returns)

Starring Killno Dragons (Martin Freeman as Bilbo Baggins); Dwarfy Downer (Richard Armitage as Thorin Oakenshield); Ian McKellan's Stunt Double (Ian McKellan as Gandalf the Grey); Christopher Lee's Stunt Double (Christopher Lee as Saruman the White); Oldlando Bloom (Orlando Bloom as Legolas Greenleaf); Khaleesi (Lee Pace as Thranduil); Tremors; Elrond Hubbard (Hugo Weaving as Elrond); The Girl from The Ring (Cate Blanchett as Galadriel); Madea Goes to Laketown (Aidan Turner as Kili); Seal (Manu Bennett as Azog the Defiler); Wait, Wait, Is That...Is That Bryan Cranston? (shows an extra who looks similar to Bryan Cranston); and The New Zealand Department of Tourism (Middle-earth).

Honest Trailers - The Hobbit The Battle of the Five Armies (feat. HISHE)Open Invideo 4-13 screenshot

Honest title for The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies - The Hobbit: The Bloating of the Five Pages. Title design by Robert Holtby.

The Hobbit: The Bloating of the Five Pages

(shows Gandalf and Bilbo sitting quietly in the ruins of Dale) You know what the sad thing is? This is probably the best scene in the movie.

 Trivia Edit

Reception Edit

Honest Trailers - The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies has an 97.4% approval rating from YouTube viewers. JOE said the Honest Trailer was "very funny" and that the film "rightly deserves" the criticism. Hypable hightlighted the video's comparison to the Star Wars prequels, and declared that "everything the fans have lamented seems to be addressed: the many action scenes, the quick disposal of Smaug, and the unnecessary LotR references." Hypable also said that How It Should Have Ended's contribution to the Honest Trailer was "hilarious."

CinemaBlend wrote that the Honest Trailer "hits on all of the biggest complaints people have levied at The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies - but as they point out, it’s hard to come up with new things to say, and most of the grievances could be applied to any of the titles in the trilogy." In the same article, CinemaBlend also noted "Like most videos of this sort, some of the complaints are relatively minor and nitpicky, but many of them are well founded. Whether or not they impact you enjoyment of the movie is another story, but there are some legitimate gripes." In their review of the Honest Trailer, Geeks of Doom said that "jokes that are obvious and easy usually aren’t that funny. But Screen Junkies’ Honest Trailers series have a way of turning the obvious into hilarious."

 Production credits Edit

HobbitFiveArmies

Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey

Title design by Robert Holtby

Series Created by Andy Signore & Brett Weiner

Episode Written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Erica Russell and Andy Signore

Edited by Dan Murrell & Jason Inman

Animation by How It Should Have Ended

External links Edit

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