The Mummy (2017) is the 216th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell and Andy Signore. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2017 action-horror film The Mummy. It was published on September 12, 2017, to coincide with the release of the film on home video and Blu-ray. It is 4 minutes 46 seconds long. It has been viewed over 2.9 million times
"Sit through this loose collection of studio notes masquerading as a single movie, that somehow manages to talk down to you while also being so vague and sloppy, you don't know what's going on half the time." ~ Honest Trailers - The Mummy
What is dead may rise again, and the past cannot stay buried for long; so when Universal needed a cinematic universe, they dug up the rotting, bloated corpse of The Mummy.
Experience the terror of a film without a soul that lacks the fun of the Brendan Fraser version, misses the horror of the original, and settles into its own stale blend of action blockbuster cliches, that managed to kill all hype for the Dark Universe before it even began, 'cause when you wanna murder a franchise by cramming it full of spin-off bait, you get the guy who did the exact same thing to Spider-Man (Alex Kurtzman). How about Kurtzman uses his powers for good and writes a Transformers movie? Oh, he did (Transformers)? Twice (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen)? Waughhhhhh.
The Mummy is back, and she's all hot now, complete with sexy henna tattoos, strategically rotting bandages to keep a PG-13 rating, and the power to suck you dry. She's back to take revenge on the world after they punished her for making a deal with the devil, a deal that gave her the power to kill...two sleeping people and a baby -- huh, not sure you had to bring the devil into that -- and the only way to stop her is to resurrect the god of death (Set) by pairing the magic dagger with a super gem, then kill the host before the ritual is complete; and sh*t like this is exactly why people don't go to the movies anymore!
Nick Morton: Stop it! Stop! Stop it! Stop!
Journey to Egypt for a few minutes, then journey to London because it's way cheaper to shoot there; and meet Nick Morton, a *ahem* younger man (shows Tom Cruise's age as 55) (Henry Jekyll: You...are a younger man.), proof that some people are such boring dicks that even Tom Cruise can't make them charming. Watch him bumble from action scene to exposition dump without pausing to develop his character beyond "home-schooled Indiana Jones" in this rare Cruise misfire that plays against his greatest strength as an actor.
Chris Vail: You can't run.
Sorry, broski, Tom's gotta run. It's in his contract right next to the "hang from something" clause.
Sit through this loose collection of studio notes masquerading as a single movie, that somehow manages to talk down to you...
Jennifer Halsey: No stone, no ritual. No ritual...
Nick Morton: ...no curse.
...while also being so vague and sloppy, you don't know what's goin' on half the time...
Chris Vail (in the desert after being resurrected): Thank you for bringing me back to life and everything, Nick, but what are we even doin' here? Where are we going?!
...with one unholy purpose holding it all together: make the Dark Universe happen, as this movie about a mummy stops dead in its tracks to introduce its own version of Nick Fury (Henry Jekyll), its own version of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Prodigium), and its very own hall of spin-offs (shows a room full of jars containing body parts from various monsters). Oh, hey, I spied the Creature from the Black Lagoon's arm over there! Aw, my grandpa would've been so excited if he were still alive. Miss you, Pop-Pop.
So if the prospect of an action movie universe starring guys in their 50s fighting monsters from the '30s excites you, saddle up for the first and potentially last time you'll get to see it before Universal gets the crazy idea to -- and I know this is nuts, but just hear me out -- actually do something scary and original with a horror movie? Get out (shows a box office intake of $252.4 million for Get Out)! I don't believe it (shows an opening box office intake of $123 million for It).
Starring Indiana Phones...It In (Tom Cruise as Nick Morton); An American Rip-Off in London (Jake Johnson as Chris Vail); Doctor Lady, M.D. (Annabelle Wallis as Jennifer Halsey); Findin' Monsters, Findin' Monsters, Fightin' Round the World (Russell Crowe as Henry Jekyll); A Waste of a Perfectly Good Courtney B. Vance (as Colonel Greenway); This is Thriller, Thriller Night (Sofia Boutella as Ahmanet); A Swarm of Spiders; A Swarm of Rats; A Swarm of Birds; A Swarm of Terrible Reviews (shows a 16% critical approval rating for The Mummy on Rotten Tomatoes); and Brendan Fraser (shows text reading "Footage Not Found"). Awww, how hard would it have been to throw the guy a cameo? Where is he these days?
Tom Cruise Runs From Sand (Featuring The Mummy)
This movie was so rushed, they accidentally posted the trailer without music or sound effects. (shows a clip from the Mummy trailer with no music or sound effects) Yes, this is real.
- In general, the writers thought the Mummy had too much set-up for the expanded universe and Tom Cruise didn't fit the part as originally written. They clarified that their jab at Alex Kurtzman wasn't supposed to be mean and acknowledged that as a screenwriter he's evidently quite good at giving the studios what they want.
- Screen Junkies also produced an Honest Trailer for the 1999 version of The Mummy, starring Brendan Fraser. They have also produced Honest Trailers for a couple of other Tom Cruise movies including Mission: Impossible and Top Gun. See list of Honest Trailers for more.
Honest Trailers - The Mummy (2017) has a 96.9% approval rating from YouTube viewers. ScreenRant commented on Screen Junkies incredibly negative take on The Mummy, writing "The weekly satire of highlighted movies usually finds things to like and praise alongside the snarky remarks and often devastating put-downs," however, The Mummy "is afforded no such luxuries and the film is pretty much mocked and picked apart from start to finish." Looper appreciated the Honest Trailer for making fun of the characters and "the deal she [the Mummy] made with the devil that got her into this situation in the first place, as well as the many step plan that the heroes will need to follow in order to stop her." The Mary Sue praised the Honest Trailer for criticizing The Mummy's "cliches and bland action-adventure plot" and its "blatant franchise mindset." However, The Mary Sue wrote that "I wish the trailer had focused a little more on The Mummy‘s tired white-dude-plunders-Egypt tropes, and the way this movie wasted its villain." Hypable wrote that the Honest Trailer was a "brutal takedown" of The Mummy and pondered if it was "better than the actual movie."
Production credits Edit
Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey
Title design by Robert Holtby
Executive Producer - Andy Signore
Edited by Kevin Williamsen and TJ Nordaker
- The Mummy gets buried in brutal Honest Trailer - Looper article
- Honest Trailer for The Mummy: “When You Want to Murder a Franchise” - The Mary Sue article
- The Mummy’s Honest Trailer Pokes Fun At The Dark Universe Trying To Be Marvel - CinemaBlend article
- ‘The Mummy’ Honest Trailer: A Loose Connection of Studio Notes Masquerading as a Movie - SlashFilm article
- The Mummy Honest Trailer: Tom Cruise is Indiana Phones-It-In - ScreenRant article
- Honest trailer for ‘The Mummy’ is… better than the actual movie? - Hypable article