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Honest Trailer - The Mummy (2017)

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The Mummy (2017) is the 216th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell and Andy Signore. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2017 action-horror film The Mummy. It was published on September 12, 2017, to coincide with the release of the film on home video and Blu-ray. It is 4 minutes 46 seconds long. It has been viewed over 2.9 million times

Watch Honest Trailers - The Mummy on YouTube

"Sit through this loose collection of studio notes masquerading as a single movie, that somehow manages to talk down to you, while also being so vague and sloppy, you don't know what's going on half the time." ~ Honest Trailers - The Mummy

Script[]

What is dead may rise again, and the past cannot stay buried for long; so when Universal needed a cinematic universe (shows the logo for the Dark Universe), they dug up the rotting, bloated corpse of...

The Mummy

Experience the terror of a film without a soul, that lacks the fun of the Brendan Fraser version (shows Rick O'Connell blasting Imhotep with a shotgun in The Mummy (1999)), misses the horror of the original (shows Ralph Norton screaming in terror in The Mummy (1932)), and settles into its own stale blend of action blockbuster clichés, that managed to kill all hype for the Dark Universe before it even began, 'cause when you want to murder a franchise by cramming it full of spin-off bait, you get the guy (Alex Kurtzman) who did the EXACT SAME THING to Spider-Man. (shows clips of characters walking by glass containers full of hints to future villains in both this film and The Amazing Spider-Man 2) How about Kurtzman uses his powers for good and writes a Transformers movie? ...Oh, he did? (shows the poster for Transformers (2007)) Twice? (shows the poster for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen) Ugh...

The Mummy is back, and she's all hot now, complete with sexy henna tattoos, strategically rotting bandages to keep a PG-13 rating, and the power to suck you dry. (shows Ahmanet absorbing the life force from a security guard) She's back to take revenge on the world, after they punished her for making a deal with the Devil, a deal that gave her the power to kill... two sleeping people and a baby -- Huh; not sure you had to bring the Devil into that... -- and the only way to stop her is to resurrect the god of death, by pairing the magic dagger with a super-gem, then kill the host before the ritual is complete-- And sh*t like this is exactly why people don't go to the movies anymore!

Nick: Stop it! Stop! [...] Stop it! Stop!

Journey to Egypt... for a few minutes; then, journey to London, because it's way cheaper to shoot there, and meet Nick Morton, a, ahem, "younger" man... (shows Tom Cruise's age as 55)

Hyde: You are a younger man...

...proof that some people are such boring dicks that even Tom Cruise can't make them charming. Watch him bumble from action scene to exposition dump without pausing to develop his character beyond "home schooled Indiana Jones"...

Nick: There was writing on it.

Jenny: Hieroglyphics.

Nick: --respectfully, I'm not interested in archaeological jargon...

...in this rare Cruise misfire that plays against his greatest strength as an actor.

Chris: You can't run.

Sorry, broski; Tom's gotta run. It's in his contract right next to the "hang from something" clause. (shows Nick yelling as the plane he's in careens towards the ground)

Sit through this loose collection of studio notes masquerading as a single movie, that somehow manages to talk down to you...

Jenny: No stone, no ritual. No ritual...

Nick: No curse.

...while also being so vague and sloppy, you don't know what's going on half the time...

Chris: --thank you for bringing me back to life and everything, Nick, but... what are we even doing here? Where are we going?

...with one unholy purpose holding it all together: make the Dark Universe happen, as this movie about a mummy stops dead in its tracks to introduce its own version of Nick Fury...

Jekyll: My name is Jekyll. Dr. Henry Jekyll.

...its own version of S.H.I.E.L.D....

Jekyll: Welcome to Prodigium...

...and its very own hall of spin-offs. Oh hey, I spied the Creature from the Black Lagoon's arm over there! Aw, my grandpa would've been so excited if he were still alive; miss you, Pop-Pop...

So if the prospect of an action movie universe starring guys in their fifties (shows Tom Cruise, Russell Crowe, Johnny Depp, and Javier Bardem in the Dark Universe cast photo) fighting monsters from the 30's excites you, saddle up for the first and potentially last time you'll get to see it (a Film School Rejects article with the title "The Future of the Dark Universe is Unclear, But It Always Has Been" pops up), before Universal gets the crazy idea to -- and I know this is nuts, but just hear me out -- actually do something scary and original with a horror movie? Get out! (shows Get Out's box office total of $252.4 million) I don't believe it! (a Forbes article with the title "Box Office: Stephen King's 'It' Scared Up a Monstrous $123M Weekend" pops up)

Starring: Indiana Phones It In (Tom Cruise as Nick Morton); An American Rip-Off in London (Jake Johnson as Chris Vail); Doctor Lady, MD (Annabelle Wallis as Jennifer "Jenny" Halsey); Findin' Monsters, Findin' Monsters, Fightin' Round the World (Russell Crowe as Dr. Henry Jekyll/Mr. Edward "Eddie" Hyde); A Waste of a Perfectly Good Courtney B. Vance (as Colonel Greenway); This is Thriller, Thriller Night (Sofia Boutella as Ahmanet); A Swarm of Spiders (shows some spiders crawling); A Swarm of Rats (shows some rats scurrying); A Swarm of Birds (shows some birds flying into the plane carrying Ahmanet); A Swarm of Terrible Reviews (shows the film's Rotten Tomatoes page, with a critic score of 16% and an audience score of 38%); and Brendan Fraser (shows a black screen with text reading "Footage Not Found"). Aww, how hard would it have been to throw the guy a cameo? Where is he these days?

Tom Cruise Runs from Sand (Featuring The Mummy)

for The Mummy - Tom Cruise Runs from Sand (Featuring The Mummy). Titles designed by .

Honest Title for The Mummy - Tom Cruise Runs from Sand (Featuring The Mummy). Titles designed by Robert Holtby.

This movie was so rushed, they accidentally posted the trailer without music or sound effects. (plays a clip from said trailer) Yes, this is real.

Trivia[]

Honest_Trailer_Commentaries_-_The_Mummy_(2017)

Honest Trailer Commentaries - The Mummy (2017)

  • In general, the writers thought the Mummy had too much set-up for the expanded universe and Tom Cruise didn't fit the part as originally written. They clarified that their jab at Alex Kurtzman wasn't supposed to be mean and acknowledged that as a screenwriter he's evidently quite good at giving the studios what they want.
  • Screen Junkies also produced an Honest Trailer for the 1999 version of The Mummy, starring Brendan Fraser. They have also produced Honest Trailers for a couple of other Tom Cruise movies including Mission: Impossible and Top Gun. See list of Honest Trailers for more.

Watch the full Honest Trailers Commentary on YouTube

Reception[]

Honest Trailers - The Mummy (2017) has a 96.9% approval rating from YouTube viewers. ScreenRant commented on Screen Junkies incredibly negative take on The Mummy, writing "The weekly satire of highlighted movies usually finds things to like and praise alongside the snarky remarks and often devastating put-downs," however, The Mummy "is afforded no such luxuries and the film is pretty much mocked and picked apart from start to finish." Looper appreciated the Honest Trailer for making fun of the characters and "the deal she [the Mummy] made with the devil that got her into this situation in the first place, as well as the many step plan that the heroes will need to follow in order to stop her." The Mary Sue praised the Honest Trailer for criticizing The Mummy's "cliches and bland action-adventure plot" and its "blatant franchise mindset." However, The Mary Sue wrote that "I wish the trailer had focused a little more on The Mummy‘s tired white-dude-plunders-Egypt tropes, and the way this movie wasted its villain." Hypable wrote that the Honest Trailer was a "brutal takedown" of The Mummy and pondered if it was "better than the actual movie."

Production credits[]

Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - The Mummy

Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - The Mummy

Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey

Title design by Robert Holtby

Series Created by Andy Signore & Brett Weiner

Executive Producer - Andy Signore

Producers - Dan Murrell, Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Max Dionne

Written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Dan Murrell & Andy Signore

Edited by Kevin Williamsen and TJ Nordaker

External links []

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