The NeverEnding Story is the 352nd episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Joe Starr, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 1984 fantasy film The NeverEnding Story. It was published on June 30, 2020, as part of Blockbuster Summer, a special run of episodes in which Screen Junkies turned their attention to blockbusters both old and new. It is 4 minutes and 58 seconds long. It has been viewed over 100,000 times.
This summer, we're getting honest about summer blockbusters past and present. This is Honest Trailers: Blockbuster Summer.
You loved being whisked away to the fantasy worlds of Tolkien, Henson, and all the dead authors' estates that Walt Disney ripped off (Winnie the Pooh, Pinocchio, and Peter Pan); now, embark on an epic tale of magic and romance in the Brothers Grimm tradition... in that it's bleak, depressing, and thoroughly German. (shows images of director Wolfgang Petersen and writer Herman Weigel)
The NeverEnding Story
Journey to a world of never-ending misery, where the heroes are bullied, the locations need therapy...
Bastian: --the Desert of Shattered Hopes... / --the deadly Swamps of Sadness.
...and existence is collapsing in on itself like a Fortnite storm made of nihilism...
Falkor: The Nothing!
...to the point where horses literally drown themselves in sadness.
Atreyu: Fight against the sadness, Artax!
That horse didn't actually drown, but it's the kind of movie that really makes you think they want it to.
Morla: Die? That, at least, would be something.
Thanks to Fantasia's lax child labor laws, only two small boys and one little girl will fight against the Nothing. There's Bastian, armed with a magic book and the bowl cut of every young male protagonist from 1973 to 1998; he'll all up in his school's creepy hookup attic to pull a Fanfic 101 and do a self-insert as the savior of the universe. What a Marty Stu! And saddle up with...
Atreyu: You've gotta move, or you'll die!
Oh man, too soon. And ride along with Atreyu, a young warrior from the Tiger Beat tribe; he'll get himself absolutely wrecked from start to finish (montage of Atreyu in constant peril), yet he was still able to overcome impossible odds and become Harry Potter... Jr., in the movie Troll. (an IMDb page for Troll pops up listing Noah Hathaway as "Harry Potter Jr.")
Experience a story about the power of storytelling itself, that's really weak in the storytelling department. What? It's a bunch of random obstacles, then it ends out of nowhere; it's got all the dynamics of a Super Mario level. But what it lacks in depth, it makes up for in meta-wankery (Bastian screams, causing Atreyu to hear him), because their world is powered by the imagination of Bastian's world, and Bastian's world is powered by the imagination of our world which, in turn, sparks the audience's imagination because we're watching both of their worlds, joining us all together in a never-ending, uh... story jerk.
So grab a sandwich, eat an entire apple core... ugh, and curl up under a blanket for one of the weirdest hits of the 80's, that you mostly remember for the amazing luckdragon (Falkor takes Bastian on a ride) -- As in, it's amazing luck that the FBI never seized his computer.
Falkor: I LIKE children. / You were unconscious. And you talked in your sleep. (wink)
-- and rocking out to the dope Giorgio Moroder score (a clip from the movie's theme plays). But you may not remember that this story didn't truly end; no, it had a sequel with Jonathan Brandis, a threequel starring Jack Black, and both of them ignored the second half of the book it's based on, where Bastian becomes a power-hungry madman that tries to take over the kingdom. Wow, that's dark, even for this story; let's just end with some happy Falkor shots.
Atreyu: I won't give up! Come, quick!
Starring: Reading Lame-O (Barret Oliver as Bastian Balthazar Bux); Deep V (Noah Hathaway as Atreyu); Bing Bong (Alan Oppenheimer as Falkor); Great A-Tuin (Robert Jadah as Morla, the Ancient One); The Wolf Who Cried Boy (Alan Oppenheimer as Gmork); I'm Korg. I'm Made of Rocks, As You Can See. (Alan Oppenheimer as Pyornkrachzark the Rockbiter); The First Time You Read the Red Wedding (Bastian throws the book in rage); Say My Name, Say My Naaaaame (Tami Stronach as The Childlike Empress); Have Fun Storming the Storm! (Sydney Bromley as Engywook); Turbo the Racing Snail (Deep Roy as Teeny Weeny, riding a snail); That One Goblin From Labyrinth (Tilo Prückner as Nighthob, alongside a shot of a large-nosed goblin from Labyrinth); Booby Trap (an Ancient Egypt-esque statue with prominent breasts that fires magic blasts); The Biggest Block of Butter We've Ever Seen; Badly Dubbed Lines...
Teeny Weeny: (with out-of-sync lip movements) Nighthob, this could be serious! Rockbiter--
Bastian: WHAT?! / But that's impossible! / Be confident! / RUN, ATREYU! RUN!
I'm trying to watch, Mom! Shut up!
My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasia
I think I know what killed Bastian's mom: salmonella. (Bastian's father drinks a raw egg smoothie)
Viewer's Comments Edit
Pleas say: "The name's Voice Guy. Epic Voice Guy" - campbell paterson
Please say: "Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated" while singing the jingle. - margareth michelina
Please say "I'm done saying things at the end of these videos. So stop asking!" - Lyoko012345
Please say: "Liar liar, pants on fire." - Gustavo Gaspar
Production Credits Edit
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert & Joe Starr
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen
Post-Production Supervisor: Emin Bassavand
Supervising Producer: Max Dionne
Associate Producer: Ryan O'Toole
Executive Producer: Roth Cornet