The Oscars (2022) is an episode of the Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Logan Rees, Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the ten films nominated for Best Picture at the 94th Academy Awards: West Side Story (2021), The Power of the Dog, Nightmare Alley (2021), Drive My Car, King Richard, Dune (2021), Licorice Pizza, Belfast, CODA, and Don't Look Up. It was published on March 22, 2022, in anticipation of the 2022 Oscars ceremony. It is 9 minutes and 46 seconds long. It has been viewed over 200,000 times.
Script[]
It's time once again for the Oscars, the award show that no one watches, honoring the films barely anyone has seen. But in a year where theaters were still shut down, there's half a chance you streamed one of these before switching over to Squid Game, so in case you need a primer, here are the Honest Trailers for this year's ten Best Picture nominees.
West Side Story (2021)[]
From the one director your grandma can name (Steven Spielberg), comes one musical even your bros have heard of...
Steelers Fan (South Park): "West Side Story", bro!
Randy Marsh: What, bro?
...based on that one Shakespeare plot you know (shows posters for Romeo + Juliet, Gnomeo & Juliet, and Warm Bodies), in this sweeping epic about race, class, gender, and violence, that remains as relevant today as it was 60 years ago, which is... kind of depressing, when you think about it.
Riff: How many times do I gotta tell you, Bernardo? I don't speak sp*c. (Bernardo lunges at him in rage)
But it's got a cast packed with breakout stars, like... Ariana DeBose! Rachel Zegler! A-Ansel-- (clears throat) Ansel Elgort... And the guy who plays Riff! (Mike Faist) Wow, he was great. Let's not have offscreen reality get in the way of enjoying this great musical, I mean, right?
Valentina: --you have grown into rapists.
(sighs)
Tony-O & Juliet
The honest title for West Side Story (2021) was ‘Tony-O & Juliet’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
The Power of the Dog[]
For years, when Hollywood needed a shy, pale boy with a goofy name, they called Benedict Cumberbatch. (shows Cumberbatch as Sherlock Holmes in Sherlock, Alan Turing in The Imitation Game, and All in Zoolander 2). But when a shyer, paler, more goofily-named actor (Kodi Smit-McPhee) arrives on his ranch, Benny will transform into the most grizzled cowpoke since Bronco Henry (montage of Phil Burbank mentioning Bronco Henry), as you watch things go from strange to weird in this psychosexual tug-of-war between uncle and nephew, full of nude dudes having fun, woods porn, and baaaaalls being removed (shows Peter Gordon turning away as Phil Burbank castrates a bull), with the "shocking" twist (?), that sometimes, the insecure homophobic bullies are actually gay themselves. (shows Phil Burbank alongside Col. Frank Fitts from American Beauty, Finn Hudson from Glee, and Brad from The Perks of Being a Wallflower) Was this really a surprise, though? I mean, I called this as soon as he fingered that flower. (in a Southern accent) "Bronco Henry himself taught me how to decode a metaphor. That there? That's a butthole."
Who Let the Dogs Out
The honest title for The Power of the Dog was ‘Who Let the Dogs Out’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
Nightmare Alley (2021)[]
(in a carnival barker voice) Step right up, folks, for the most incredible, mind-blowing cinematic sensation of 2021: an entire film made only from the colors orange and blue! Starring the incredible Cooper kid, a 50-year-old actor who appears to everyone like a much younger man!
Clem Hoatley: --young buck?
Pete: And usually for a boy, it's the old man. / It's not that, my boy.
Now, in the past, you may have seen Guillermo del Toro make fish friends (The Shape of Water), phantoms (Crimson Peak), and fire fiends friendly (Hellboy), fine, and even f*ckable, but right here on this very screen, he's about to take on his greatest challenge yet: he's going to humanize a carny! (people gasping) That's right, folks; with the low, low price of one HBO Max subscription -- or Hulu, if you prefer, my good sir -- watch these dangerous drifters display dozens of deeds of devotion and decency!
Clem Hoatley: I'll give you the five, plus a nice hot meal... / Steak and eggs, on me! / You can sleep there tonight. Stay out of the rain.
Bruno: You need work?
Zeena the Seer: Say, maybe you can hawk for me.
Clem Hoatley: Would a steady job be of interest to you--?
Carny Boss: --coffee and cakes. Dry place to sleep. Shot now and then. What do you say?
So grab two bits and spin around in a circle for this landmark in onscreen hobo representation! And hey, tell 'em old Epic Voice Man sent ya!
Exit Through the Grift Op
The honest title for Nightmare Alley (2021) was ‘Exit Through the Grift Op’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
Drive My Car[]
From a bunch of Japanese people who know way more about Western literature and philosophy than you do...
Yūsuke Kafuku: (in Japanese) If I'd lived normally, I might have been another Schopenhauer or Dostoevsky.
...comes a film that's about the importance of social connection, the limits of human language, and perseverance in the face of unspeakable tragedy. But, like, metaphorically; onscreen, it's mostly shots of a guy listening to a tape of his dead wife in the back seat of a Saab. (shows Yūsuke Kafuku and Misaki Watari listening to a tape of Yūsuke's wife Oto) Life, am I right? Lots to think about... (another shot of Yūsuke and Misaki listening to the tape while smoking) "Would Wolverine's healing factor reverse his circumcision?"
Saab Story
The honest title for Drive My Car was ‘Saab Story’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
King Richard[]
Venus Williams was the number one-ranked tennis player in the world. Serena is one of the greatest of all time. But what was their dad like? Weird question, but okay; we'll roll with it. Meet Richard Williams; he may talk like Mike Tyson...
Richard Williams: (with a noticeable lisp) Nothing is impossible...
...but he sure doesn't fight like him. (montage of Richard getting beaten by street punks)
Richard Williams: And he start beating on me. He knocked me down, his friends come over, they all start... stomping on me and beating on me.
Will Smith plays a man who would do anything to see his girls succeed, even if it meant selling the extra fabric from his shorts, as he treats his own daughters like lotto tickets and/or child soldiers...
Richard Williams: --you gonna show them how dangerous you are?
Venus Williams/Serena Williams: Yes, Daddy.
Richard Williams: Got to have a plan for every day, else what?
Venus Williams/Serena Williams/Tunde Price/Isha Price/Lyndrea Price: You fail to plan, you plan to fail.
Richard Williams: Girls, spell "civilization".
Venus Williams/Serena Williams/Tunde Price/Isha Price/Lyndrea Price: C-I-V-I-L-I-Z-A-T-I-O-N.
...in this inspiring story of how Venus, Serena, their mother, and the Ned Flanders of tennis (Rick Macci) came together to succeed, despite having a grandstanding narcissist dad who makes everything about him.
Rick Macci: Nah, that's bullshit. It's about you.
Oracene "Brandy" Price: Why is it that you gotta ruin everybody else's day?
(a fart sound plays as Richard sits with some executives)
Served Outta Compton
The honest title for King Richard was ‘Served Outta Compton’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
Dune (2021)[]
We did the Honest Trailer. We sung its praises from the rooftops. Now, with nothing new to say about Dune, we'll just mention that we've been catching up on Euphoria, and oh man, do we have thoughts on the way!
Da Rue: Sandstorm
The honest title for Dune (2021) was ‘Da Rue: Sandstorm’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
Licorice Pizza[]
If you see one portrait of a director's hazily remembered childhood, make it Licorice Pizza, as Paul Thomas Anderson writes a love letter to the San Fernando Valley -- (shows a shot from Magnolia) No, not that one. (shows a shot from Punch Drunk Love) Not that one, either. (shows a shot from Boogie Nights) Okay, they're all set in the Valley; we get it. -- in this love story about a middle-aged man in a 15-year-old's body...
Gary Valentine: (to some kids) Bikes to the side, you're blocking the entrance!
...and a teenage girl in a 25-year-old's body...
Este Kane: Were you on a date?
Alana Kane: (throws a pillow at the door) Get out of my room, Este.
...so I guess it's fine that they hook up in the end? Right? It's not any worse than Blank Check.
Shay Stanley: Why don't you give me a call in, say, about... ten years? (kisses the 11-year-old Preston Waters ON THE LIPS)
Eeeewwwww...
Once Upon a Haim in North Hollywood
The honest title for Licorice Pizza was ‘Once Upon a Haim in North Hollywood’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
Belfast[]
If you see two portraits of a director's hazily remembered childhood, make the other one Belfast. Kenneth Branagh tries to have it all, combining the whimsy of his youth with the grim backdrop of ethno-religious violence, the Fifty Shades of Grey guy with actually good acting (?) -- Huh... Who knew? -- and the earnest, corny vibe of a musical with only one actual song-and-dance scene, in a combination that almost works; there's just something a bit off. Can't quite put my finger on it; I just found it unsettling, for some reason.
"Granny": (staring directly at the camera) Don't look back.
AUGH! Cats! They did it in Cats!
Old Deuteronomy: (staring directly at the camera) How would you address a cat?
Big Troubles in Northern Ireland
The honest title for Belfast was ‘Big Troubles in Northern Ireland’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
CODA[]
From the studio who was too late to acquire any franchises that you've heard of (Apple TV+), comes a film that shows off what Apple TV does best -- stories about people with one more sense than the rest of their families (See), and stories about inspiring mustached coaches who will never quit on you (Ted Lasso) -- in this coming-of-age tale of a girl trapped with the horniest friends and family imaginable...
Gertie: I hooked up with Tiny Fingers. (Ruby turns in shock)
Miles: Is that your mom? (listens to Ruby's parents having sex in the next room, then chuckles in embarrassment)
Leo Rossi: (signing) Look at your mother. Hot! How am I supposed to control myself?
...that teaches us all an important lesson about the deaf community: how to say "My nuts are on fire." in ASL.
Leo Rossi: (signing) My nuts are on fire.
Signfeld
The honest title for CODA was ‘Signfeld’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
Don't Look Up[]
In a world where everyone is too distracted or lazy to do anything about the environment, one Netflix movie will reassure you, it's only the dumb people's fault that things are bad -- Not you; you're smart enough to be watching this Netflix movie! You get it! -- in a two-hour metaphor for climate change that takes aim at everyone from daytime TV hosts...
Brie Evantee: --there is a comet, but it's a good thing...
...to pop stars...
Riley Bina: You guys discovered a comet? [...] I have a tattoo of a shooting star on my back.
...to the president's dumb kid...
Jason Orlean: There are you, the working class. Us, the cool rich...
...without alluding to, oh, I don't know, the oil industry? But hey, what do I know? I'm not famous.
The honest title for Don't Look Up was ‘Smarmageddon’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
Starring:[]
The Hyper Specific Best Picture Genres These Nominees Fall Into...
- The Depressing Secret Gay Cowboy Love Affair (The Power of the Dog and Brokeback Mountain)
- The Lighthearted Kid's Point of View on Growing Up in a Warzone (Belfast and Jojo Rabbit)
- A Musician Rebelling From, Then Ultimately Embracing the Deaf Community (CODA and Sound of Metal)
- Widowers in Cars Driving Silently (Drive My Car and Nomadland)
- Is Abuse the Price of Being Really Good at Something? (King Richard and Whiplash)
- Paul Thomas Anderson Films About Very Awkward Relationships (Licorice Pizza, The Master, and Phantom Thread)
- Remake of a Musical About Star Crossed Lovers Where the Dude Dies at the End (West Side Story (2021) and A Star Is Born (2018))
- Star Wars (Dune (2021) and Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope)
- Movies Starring Bradley Cooper and an Obvious Prosthetic Baby (Nightmare Alley (2021) and American Sniper)
...and...
- Movies with Such a Ham Fisted, Unsubtle Message That We'll All Be Extremely Embarrassed About It Winning in 5 Years, If Not Right Now (Don't Look Up and Crash)
The Oscars (2022)
Why can't they just give all the Oscars to Spider-Man? Clearly, that's the world's favorite movie this year.
Don Draper: That's what the money is for!
Right, right, right...
Viewer's Comments[]
Please say "When your voice is this epic, you don't need an Oscar nomination". - dc8rdecoded
But an Emmy would be nice.
In honour of The Godfather's 50th anniversary this year please say, in your best Marlon Brando impression: "I'm gonna make an offer he can't refuse." - Timothy Stoneman
Say "Catchphrase" - SpiderXMan
Trivia[]
Reception[]
Production Credits[]
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Written by: Logan Rees, Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford, & Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert
Associate Producer: Ryan O'Toole
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen
Post-Production Supervisor: Emin Bassavand
Post-Production Coordinator: Mikołaj Kossakowski
Assistant Editor: Rebecca Castaneda
Director of Video Production: Max Dionne