Thunderbolts* is the 600th episode of the Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2025 superhero film Thunderbolts*. It was published on July 8, 2025. It is 6 minutes and 32 seconds long. It has been viewed over 900,000 times.
Script[]
After Ant-Man: Quantumania...
Freedom Fighters: (chanting, while forcing red liquid down Scott Lang's throat) Drink the ooze! Drink the ooze!
...The Marvels...
Aladneans: (singing) Our princess is home!
...and Brave New World (shows Red Hulk turning back into President Ross), Marvel is salvaging Phase Five with one of their best films yet... if only anyone had stuck around to see it. (a SuperHeroHype article with the title "Reasons Why Thunderbolts* Flopped at the Box Office" and a World of Reel article with the title "'Thunderbolts' Set to Lose $100 Million, Becomes Second-Worst MCU Performer" pop up)
Thunderbolts*
When the world is in chaos, you call the Avengers. And since they've all moved on (shows Chris Hemsworth as Dementus in Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga, Chris Evans as Jack O'Malley in Red One, Scarlett Johansson as Zora Bennett in Jurassic World Rebirth, and Mark Ruffalo as Duncan Wedderburn in Poor Things), you panic-dial Robert Downey Jr., then stall for time with whoever's left under contract, as Marvel empties the "random sh*t" drawer in their kitchen, to create a version of the Suicide Squad, if they took their name more literally.
Alexei: (after seeing Yelena willingly enter Void's darkness) No, no, no, no, no! NO!!
Meet a team of emotionally fragile war criminals, like former Black Widow Yelena, the saddest a spy's been since Bond learned vodka makes you flaccid...
Yelena: I suck! I'm terrible! We're all terrible!
...Red Guardian, the only one actually excited to be in this movie...
Alexei: YEEEEEES!!
...when he's not reliving his glory days like Uncle Rico...
Alexei: (while watching old footage of him at a military parade) Those guys with the little waves. Get out of my way.
...U.S. Agent John Walker, also reliving his glory days like Uncle Rico...
Walker: --high school state football champs, back-to-back-to-back. Go Bears.
...a bad guy no one likes, who sucks and will never be Captain America, and also, his hat is dumb, and he should probably just KYS...
Yelena: --you know you're a piece of trash, Walker. So does your family.
Walker: Jesus.
...Ghost, the most forgettable Ant-Man villain since all the other ones (shows Ghost alongside Yellowjacket from Ant-Man and Sonny Burch from Ant-Man and the Wasp) -- Is Walton Goggins still alive? I'd like to see Super Baby Billy join the team.
Baby Billy Freeman (The Righteous Gemstones): (after leaping into frame) Tada! Look who it is!
Jesse Gemstone: This motherf*cker...
-- Taskmaster, who can mimic any fighting style in the world, except "gun" (shows Ghost shooting Taskmaster in the head); and new congressman Bucky Barnes, who is as exciting as watching Dick Cheney on C-SPAN...
Bucky: --very worrying. They are, uh, very... very concerning and, um... worrying.
...until he says "screw it" and becomes Dick Cheney on a hunting trip. (shows Bucky grabbing a shotgun from a soldier inside a Humvee)
They're brought together by the most over-introduced character in the MCU: Val, AKA Chick Fury; she'll outsource murders to her assistant, and still be nicer to her staff than she was on Veep.
Selina Meyer (Veep): Don't talk. Don't stay. You need to f*ck off and go back to Westworld.
Watch her salvage the product of her super-soldier program, Booooob; he'll become Sentry, what happens when you give a Golden Retriever enough HGH and meth to turn it into Homelander.
Sentry: Why would a god... take orders from anyone at all?
This blonde baddie has an even darker side, literally throwing shade (shows Void throwing citizens into a pocket dimension while turning them into shadows), sentencing you to the Exposition Zone, where characters' tragic backstories are formed...
Bob: (as Yelena watches his father beat his mother) Oh, don't mind them. It'll be over... soon.
...and the only way out is to beat yourself off. (shows Bob punching Void in the face as he laughs) Wait, no, that's not working; how about we just finish as a group? (shows the Thunderbolts pulling Bob backwards while trapping him in a bear hug, then panting in exhaustion) Ahh, that was nice...
Walker: Anybody hungry?
Yelena: ... ... ...
Ava: ... ... ...
Come for the action, stay for the existential dread...
Yelena: (narrating) There is something... wrong... with me.
...because the universe that used to be powered by charm is deep in a sad hole...
Walker: (after looking down a deep shaft) I'm fine.
...and they're all out of Zoloft...
Bob: I think everyone's better off if I just stay put.
...to the point where all these moments of super-moping...
Ava: Nah. We're just disposable delinquents.
...and there are a lot of them...
Alexei: Look around you. I'm miserable.
Bob: --then there are a lot of bad days, when I remember that [...] nothing matters...
Yelena: --you're not a hero! You're not even a good person! / We're all losers. And we lost.
...isn't interrupted by some smug little quip machine.
Yelena: (crying) All I do... is sit, and look at my phone, and think of all the terrible things that I've done. And then I go to work. And then I drink. And then I come home to no one.
Uh-oh... Marvel, are you okay? Could you give me a little "so that just happened" joke, just for old times' sake?
Bob: I was on meth! (gets attacked by himself in a chicken costume holding a large sign)
Close enough...?
So gear up for a film that looks, if not great, then at least like a real movie for once, shot on location with a real director, and actual effort put into the visuals, that still makes room for the standard winks to the audience...
Walker: On your left! (pushes Yelena out of the way of an electrical panel, then smashes his shield into it)
...the ol' "found family" cliché, and a post-credits scene that inches the overarching plot forward, putting it up there with the best that the studio has had to offer in recent years: a solid B, maybe even a B+. (weakly) "We're so back... Yay..."
Starring: The Blacker the Widow, the Sweeter the Pugh (Florence Pugh as Yelena Belova/Black Widow); Tina Come Get Your Crew (Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine); Evilly Blonde (Lewis Pullman as Robert "Bob" Reynolds/Sentry); Avoid the Void (Lewis Pullman as Robert "Bob" Reynolds/Void); Hasta La Vista, Bucky (Sebastian Stan as James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes/Winter Soldier); Harbouring Fugitives (David Harbour as Alexei Shostakov/Red Guardian); Russell Mania (Wyatt Russell as John Walker/U.S. Agent); Ummm Phasing (Hannah John-Kamen as Ava Starr/Ghost); Just Gonna Use This as an Excuse to Plug the UK Show Taskmaster. Watch All Episodes on Their YouTube Channel. Your Time Starts Now. (Olga Kurylenko as Antonia Dreykov/Taskmaster); Whistle-Blockers (Geraldine Viswanathan as Mel); The Renegades of Bunk (Wendell Pierce as Gary); and When People Fight on the Internet.
Yelena: We swung our tiny dicks. It was a lot of fun.
MCU-icide Squad*
The first honest title for Thunderbolts* was ‘MCU-icide Squad*’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
The Toxic Avengers
The second honest title for Thunderbolts* was ‘The Toxic Avengers’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
(shows a crane crashing into Avengers Tower, causing rubble to fall towards the civilians below) Hey. Hey, Spider-Man. Spider-Man? Y-You gonna... You gonna lend a hand with this, or...? Your--Your senses tingling yet? Spidey? Hello? (shows Spider-Man eating a sandwich on a fire escape in Spider-Man: Homecoming)
Viewer's Comments[]
Please say in epic voice "The West Chesapeake Bay Thunderbolts is the greatest soccer team of all time! - nizaamcariem
Please say: "Thunderbolts and Lightning, very very frightening!" - lmamakos
Say "You captured their stunt doubles!" - justinpullen1097
Please say "Pizza dude's got 30 seconds" in your epic voice! - hazardhughesproductions7082
Trivia[]
- This is the third Honest Trailer to feature multiple honest titles for the same movie. The first two to do so are Snakes on a Plane and Edge of Tomorrow.
Reception[]
Production Credits[]
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Written by: Spencer Gilbert, Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen
Post-Production Manager: Emin Bassavand
Manager, Content Operations: Tiffany Tse
Post-Production Specialist: Rebecca Castaneda
VP Content: Max Dionne
