Top Gun: Maverick is the 461st episode of the Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford, Lon Harris, and Bailey Meyers. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2022 action drama film Top Gun: Maverick. It was published on August 30, 2022. It is 6 minutes and 41 seconds long. It has been viewed over 200,000 times.
Script[]
From the only movie star (Tom Cruise) who's resisted the cult of superhero movies -- because, you know, one at a time -- comes a smash hit (pulls up the film's box office total of $1.355 billion) full of real planes, real sets, and real action. He may have really started a war at the end, there; guy takes his craft that seriously.
Top Gun: Maverick
Tom Cruise returns in his iconic role as Maverick, for a film about how Tom-- I mean, Maverick may be old...
Hammer: The future is coming, and you're not in it.
...but To-- I mean, Maverick won't go down that easy...
Hammer: Your kind is headed for extinction.
Maverick: Maybe so, sir. But not today.
...because Tom-- I mean, Maverick refuses to die, no matter how many dumb stunts To-- er, Mav pulls for Mission: Impossible-- er, the Navy or whatever.
Teachers have been telling us their jobs are hard for years (plays clips from Kindergarten Cop), but now, a blockbuster will make their complaints look interesting. Watch Maverick have to teach the next generation of full-grown adults who go by their gamertags...
Coyote: --Phoenix!
Hangman: Hangman.
Payback: Payback.
Fanboy: Fanboy.
...to forget going by the book (shows Maverick throwing a flight manual in the trash), forget playing by the rules...
Maverick: This is dogfight football. Offense and defense at the same time.
...and you know what? Just forget thinking entirely; life's easier that way... (montage of Maverick and Rooster saying "Don't think, just do.")
Maverick: What the hell were you even thinking?!
Rooster: You told me not to think!
...as he teaches his students the most important lesson of all: if you ever get in big trouble, call your boss's boss to yell at them.
Penny: You get yourself in trouble, Iceman makes a call, and you're back in the air.
Hammer: --for reasons known only to the Almighty and your guardian angel... you've been called back to TOPGUN.
Thank you for your service, Daddy. (shows Iceman's funeral portrait)
Speaking of nepotism, Maverick will take Goose's son Rooster under his wing; he's determined to follow in his father's footsteps, and entire face, but first, he must let go of blaming Maverick for his father's death, and Maverick must make Lt. Rooster less of a cock.
Yale: Increase to 500 knots.
Rooster: Negative, Yale. Hold your speed.
Yale: Rooster, we're late! / --we're 20 seconds behind and dropping!
Hangman: Come on, Rooster, you got him! Drop down and take the shot! (Rooster buzzes Maverick's plane)
Maverick: Too late. You had your chance. (Maverick outmaneuvers Rooster and "shoots" him down)
Rooster: Damn it!
Yeah, "Rooster" is a pretty lame callsign, but it's still miles better than... "Bradley Bradshaw"?
Cyclone: Bradley Bradshaw...
Mav, Brad Brad, and the rest of the gang have just three weeks to pull off Mission: Extremely Difficult...
Maverick: Your target is an impact point less than three meters wide. / --between two mountains. / Assuming you avoid crashing into this mountain, you'll climb straight up into enemy radar while losing all of your airspeed.
...to the point where using killer drones seems like the more humane choice. Yikes. But if you want to end your movie with a high-stakes dogfight, (montage comparing the final mission from the film to the Death Star trench run from Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope) you can't go wrong with watching pilots zoom through a canyon trench, staying low under the enemy guns and aircraft, launching a precision-guided missile down the ventilation shaft of an enemy doomsday weapon, without the use of their targeting system, and surviving thanks to the last-second intervention of a cocky bad boy, even though all they really did was kick off a much bigger conflict. In the next one, they'll reveal a MiG-29 was secretly Maverick's father. "NYEEET!"
Enjoy the rare legacy sequel that actually works, by weaving callbacks and characters into the story instead of forcing in cameos and references (shows Eddie Murphy as Mr. Clarence the barber in Coming 2 America, Thomas Anderson taking blue pills in The Matrix Resurrections, and a group shot of Dr. Grant, Dr. Malcolm, and Dr. Sattler in Jurassic World Dominion) -- Wait, you can do that?!
Taxi Driver: I ain't afraid of no ghosts.
-- like Maverick buzzing the tower... to save the jobs of his colleagues (shows Maverick buzzing Hammer and causing damage to a nearby guard shack); bringing back Iceman, but evolving their relationship; and the return of Kelly McGillis -- No? -- and the return of Meg Ryan... 's photograph, because ew, the love interest actually aged in the last 36 years, instead of whatever it is Tom Cruise does to spit in the face of death. (shows Maverick running on a treadmill) Let's just pretend that one line about the admiral's daughter is Jennifer Connelly now.
Maverick: Penny?
Phew! That was close; almost considered my own mortality for a sec!
So strap in for the ultimate "jets go vroom" spectacle (montage of planes pulling off aerial maneuvers), that's been called out by the woke mob for being blatant military propaganda, but they are just butthurt, 'cause America is number one, we do nothing wrong, and we have no problems whatsoever. Now, where's that recruiting booth? I want to play some topless beach football! U.S.Abs! U.S.Abs! U.S.Aaabs.
Starring: Captain America: The Sprinter Soldier (Tom Cruise as Capt. Pete "Maverick" Mitchell); My Name Is Bradley Bradshaw, You Killed My Father, Prepare to Fly (Miles Teller as Lt. Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw); Hulk Smashed (Jennifer Connelly as Penelope "Penny" Benjamin); D_CK (Glen Powell as Lt. Jake "Hangman" Seresin); Still Pullman (Lewis Pullman as Lt. Robert "Bob" Floyd); Phoenix Flight, Ace Aviator (Monica Barbaro as Lt. Natasha "Phoenix" Trace); Lawrence of Air-abia (Jay Ellis as Lt. Reuben "Payback" Fitch); Sadmartigan (Val Kilmer as Adm. Tom "Iceman" Kazansky); "Depression Is Caused by the Souls of Dead Aliens" (Maverick whispering into Penny's ear); Admiral Wackbar (Ed Harris as R. Adm. Chester "Hammer" Cain); Dick Seaman (Jon Hamm as V. Adm. Beau "Cyclone" Simpson); When They Open the Movie with "Danger Zone"...
Phoenix: Nice.
...When They Don't Play "Take My Breath Away"...
Hangman: Damn.
...and G-Force...ing Out a Big Dump (montage of pilots grunting as they grapple with high g-forces).
Hot Shots Part Cruise
The honest title for Top Gun: Maverick was ‘Hot Shots Part Cruise’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
People wasted all this time arguing over what country they bombed when the real enemy was right in front of us the whole time: birds.
Maverick: (after a bird hits his plane) Bird strike! Bird strike!
(shows a plane hit by birds crashing and exploding)
Viewer's Comments[]
Say "Uh oh, snapping back to reality. Oops there goes gravity. Mom's Spaghetti 🍝" - Delio Vallecilla
Say "Its My Money, And I Need It Now" - ArcadeGamerJames
Please say "Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?" - costanzafaust
Say "I made a milkshake and all the boys showed up in my yard". In your epic voice. - Respectable AF
Trivia[]
Reception[]
Production Credits[]
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Written by: Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford, Lon Harris & Bailey Meyers
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert
Associate Producer: Ryan O'Toole
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen
Post-Production Supervisor: Emin Bassavand
Post-Production Coordinator: Mikołaj Kossakowski
Assistant Editor: Rebecca Castaneda
Director of Video Production: Max Dionne