WandaVision is the 389th episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford, Matt Fowler, Logan Rees, and Lon Harris. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2021 superhero television miniseries WandaVision. It was published on March 16, 2021. It is 8 minutes and 12 seconds long. It has been viewed over 2 million times.
Script[]
The following broadcast is rated "S" for Spoilers.
Do you like TV shows? How about a TV show about some TV shows, about some TV shows that is a TV show, watched by the characters inside a TV show?
WandaVision, the TV show!
You said "Huh." when they bonded over their vaguely-defined superpowers.
Wanda: (fiddling with a hex wisp) I'm still... me, I think.
Vision: Do you know? I don't know what this is. (points to the Mind Stone)
You said "Oh, okay." when they dated for two years off-camera.
Vision: Wanda, for two years, we stole these moments.
And you thought "Welp, I guess that's over." when this happened. (shows Thanos ripping the Mind Stone from Vision's head and tossing his corpse aside) But ever since Cap left Bucky for this homewrecker (Peggy Carter), Wanda and Vision are the closest thing Marvel has to a healthy relationship, even though she's torturing a small town with her mind...
Abilash Tandon: When you let us sleep... we have your nightmares.
Wanda: No...!
Sharon Davis: Your grief is poisoning us.
...and he's her imaginary vibrator programmed only to love.
Vision: You can't control me the way you do them.
Wanda: Can't I?
Vision: (vibrates)
Watch this power couple cosplay through some of history's most delightful sitcoms, from Modern Family...
Wanda: (to the camera) It's probably just a case of the Mondays.
...to Malcolm in the Middle...
Billy: Mom's been weird since Uncle Pietro got here.
...to the shows Boomers loved because they literally had no other options.
Vision: (singing) Take out the papers and the trash! Or you won't get no spendin' cash!
But every once in a while, this supercomputer manages to calculate "Something about all this might not be on the up-and-up."...
Vision: I have questions. / What is that? / How did this happen? / She came here because we're all what? / What was that about? / What aren't you telling me? / Why are there no other children in Westview?
"Agnes": Am I dead?
Vision: Why would you think that?
"Agnes": Because you are.
Vision: ...
...because the big question of the series isn't so much what's going to happen, but more "What the f*ck is even happening?!"...
Darcy: I don't know, I don't know, and I don't know.
...in a story that's really about Wanda's grief and finding acceptance: the acceptance that no matter how original a Marvel thing starts off, it still has to end with a sky beam and two CGI dolls throwing particle effects at each other. (Wanda strikes Agatha with hex blasts) <sniff> It's just so meaningful... This reminds me of my own struggles...! I'm sorry, I just need a second...
But there's more to this show than an expanding red bubble of sadness that makes America great again. Step outside the Hex to meet characters like Darcy, the latest face of Marvel's image rehab campaign for Thor: The Dark World (shows Loki playing catch in his cell while Thor and Rocket sneak past); Jimmy Woo, the only cop who's also into close-up magic that anyone could ever love; and Monica Rambeau, who grows from a knowing commentary on TV's "Black best friend" trope into an actual example of TV's "Black best friend" trope...
Monica: They'll never know what you sacrificed for them.
...and finally into a superhero who could one day become Marvel's first "Black best friend" trope IN SPAAAAACE!
Together, they'll take on some brand-new villains, like this generic military jerkass; Dottie, who... Actually, Dottie doesn't really matter.; and the head witch in charge, Agatha Harkness, a well-brewed concoction of one part Maleficent and two parts Cruella de Vil.
Agatha: And I killed Sparky, too. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Let your love for Kathryn Hahn blind you to the fact that her plan doesn't make a ton of sense, and her past implies that the Salem witch trials were kinda onto something, and despite what her absolute bop of a theme song claims...
Female Singer: It's been Agatha all along!
...she barely knows what's going on, either.
Agatha: I need you to tell me how you did this. I couldn't make heads or tails of it.
"It's been Wanda's repressed trauma all along, but Agatha kind of nudged her in that direction!" doesn't exactly top the charts, though, huh? (a PopVortex page pops up showing "Agatha All Along" as the number-one soundtrack song of 2021 so far)
Are you a hardcore Marvel fan? Then you know WandaVision wasn't meant to be enjoyed, but dissected frame by frame to predict what's coming next, as this show spawned a QAnon-style army of forecasters who were so sure that Mephisto was behind it all.
"Dottie": The devil's in the details, Bev.
"Agnes": That's not the only place he is...
<BUZZ!> Nope! Just a deep-cut Easter egg. Evan Peters' casting was proof of the multiverse. <BUZZ!> Wrong! Just an elaborate boner joke!
"Pietro": "Bohner". (chuckles)
And that the last episode had to have a Luke Skywalker-level cameo.
Paul Bettany: I worked with this actor that I have always wanted to work with.
Lights Camera Barstool Host: Ooh!
Paul Bettany: Aaand... you have fireworks together.
<BUZZ!> <snort!> How about Paul Bettany giving himself head instead? (both Vision and White Vision fire beams at each other) Why can't you just accept the fact that the big bad for the MCU's first Disney+ series was grief? Does Feige have to spell it out on an announcement board or something? (shows the title changing to "Wanda vs. Grief")
So if you've been feeling sad and hopeless lately, and just want to mentally check out and fill all the voids in your life with garbage TV, catch the story of a superhero who does... pretty much exactly that. And at the end of the day, after all the trauma, follow her to the place all Marvel characters go once their arcs are done: some lonely-ass cabin in the woods. (montage of Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Thanos, and Wanda hanging out in their cabins as blues music plays)
Starring: I'm a Witch, I'm a Mother, An Avenger, Had a Brother (Elizabeth Olsen as Wanda Maximoff/Scarlet Witch); Wanda's Nose Scrunch (montage of Wanda scrunching her nose); Weekend at Bettany's (Paul Bettany as Westview Vision); What White Nonsense Is This? (Paul Bettany as "White" Vision/Project Cataract); Agatha Crispy (Kathryn Hahn as Agatha Harkness/"Agnes"); A Spectrum Representative Will Arrive Anytime Between the Hours of 1 & 9PM (Teyonah Parris as Capt. Monica Rambeau/"Geraldine"); Hehe, Boner (Evan Peters as Ralph Bohner/"Pietro Maximoff"); Save the Kat (Kat Dennings as Dr. Darcy Lewis); Woo's Clues (Randall Park as Agent James E. "Jimmy" Woo); Wrecking Ralph...
"Agnes": The only way Ralph would remember our anniversary is if there was a beer named "June 2nd". / What Ralph could really use is "How to Goose Your Wife So You Don't Lose Your Wife". / Ralph looks better in the dark, so I'm not complaining. / Not that Ralph ever wants to eat anything other than baked beans, which explains a lot about his personal appeal, mind you. / You sure you don't want an audience volunteer named "My Husband Ralph"?
...Hayward Jablowme (Josh Stamberg as Acting S.W.O.R.D. Director Tyler Hayward); Wanda's Twin Powers... Activate! (Jett Klyne as Tommy Maximoff and Julian Hilliard as Billy Maximoff); Going Through Hex (montage of characters passing through the Hex); and What Is This Show, If Not Joy Disappearing?
Tommy: Do you have a brother, Mom?
Wanda: He's... far away from here, and that makes me... sad, sometimes.
"Geraldine": He was killed by Ultron...
Doctor: Maria died three years ago.
Vision: Before what?! I can't remember my life before Westview! I don't know who I am!
"Pietro": You probably suppressed a lot of the trauma.
Agatha: --you're so... crippled by your own self-doubt...
Hayward: All you people who left still have the luxury of optimism. You have no idea what it was like.
"Agnes": All is lost...
Wanda: I only remember feeling... completely alone. Endless nothingness.
Agatha: So... much... trauma!
Vision: --it can't all be sorrow, can it?
Agatha: Parents dead... Brother dead... Vision dead.
Sarah Proctor: I have a daughter. If you could just let her out of her room... I-If I could just hold her...
Wanda: I can't feel you... / Thanks for choosing me to be your mom. / You are my sadness.
Hex and the City
The honest title for WandaVision was ‘Hex and the City’. Titles designed by Robert Holtby.
If Wanda ever needs backup, she should just call her neighbor Murtaugh from Lethal Weapon. (shows shots of a house in WandaVision looking identical to a house in Lethal Weapon)
Roger Murtaugh: I'm too old for this sh*t.
Viewer's Comments[]
Please say "Like a good neighbor, Stay home if you're not feeling well" - Hani Kazmi
Please say: "You're a witch Wanda" (The way Hagrid would say it to Harry Potter) 🧙♀️ - Hannibal Solo
Say: "We must avenge Sparky." - The Jazz King
Please say "Your name is Ralph Bohner?" - Benhamin Abramowitz
Say: "Every word in the dictionary" - Kikkik Olsen
Please say: I'm doing this but only because I choose to - themistikcrow 2856
Trivia[]
Reception[]
Production Credits[]
Voice Narration: Jon Bailey aka Epic Voice Guy
Title Design: Robert Holtby
Written by: Spencer Gilbert, Danielle Radford, Matt Fowler, Logan Rees, & Lon Harris
Produced by: Spencer Gilbert
Edited by: Kevin Williamsen
Post-Production Supervisor: Emin Bassavand
Director of Video Production: Max Dionne
Associate Producer: Ryan O'Toole
Executive Producer: Roth Cornet
