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Honest Trailer - Watchmen

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Watchmen is the 161st episode of Screen Junkies comedy series Honest Trailers. It was written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr, Andy Signore, Jason Mathews and Jonathan Miceli. It was narrated by Jon Bailey as Epic Voice Guy. It parodies the 2009 film adaption of Watchmen. The video was published on August 2, 2016, shortly after the theatrical release of Suicide Squad. It is 5 minutes and 15 seconds long. It has been viewed over 4.6 million times.

Watch Honest Trailers - Watchmen on YouTube

"So get ready for one of the most self-serious films ever made, that keeps shoehorning in a happy face, and features some of the most depressing, humorless characters in film arguing over what is and isn't a joke." ~ Honest Trailers - Watchmen

Script[]

Before Zack Snyder turned one of the most universally beloved comics of all time (The Dark Knight Returns) into a completely polarizing movie (Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice), he turned the most universally beloved comic of all time into... a completely polarizing movie.

Watchmen

You've read the dark, satirical comic; now, get ready for the movie adaptation, that transforms the complex characters and grounded, realistic action... into a gory version of The Matrix (shows Dreiberg breaking a biker's arm hard enough for a bone to pierce the skin), in a film that Watchmen creator Alan Moore described as "regurgitated worms". (a Chicago Tribune article with the title "'Watchmen'? Alan Moore won't be watching" pops up, with Moore being quoted as saying "The 'Watchmen' film sounds like more regurgitated worms.") Then again, the guy worships a snake (shows a statue of Glycon), so... take it with a grain of salt.

Alan Moore: When it comes to my spiritual beliefs, that's perhaps why I worship a second-century human-headed snake god called Glycon.

Stare in awe as Snyder's gorgeous shots carry you through an overstuffed plot, where a dense 13-chapter series is crammed into a single movie, full of so many story threads, it feels like marathoning an entire season of Lost...

James "Sawyer" Ford (Lost): (to Kate Austen) Don't you leave me here!

...at the same time. (shows multiple storylines from Lost at once)

Meet darkened versions of heroes you know and love, who do their best to fight crime and maintain an erection...

Jupiter: (while having sex with Dreiberg) --what's wrong?

Dreiberg: Oh, hell.

...like the Comedian, who's Captain America... if he were a dick; Rorschach, who's Batman... if he were a dick; and Doctor Manhattan, who's Superman... if he were a dick, who always had his dick hanging out. Seriously, always. (montage of times Doctor Manhattan's exposed penis is seen) So many dicks. There were only three dick shots in the entire comic. An animator had to spend hours getting the dick sway just right. I'd move on, but... it's really hard to focus on anything when there's a big blue dick on the screen.

Experience Jackie Earle Haley's spot-on performance, as a smelly hobo who hates hands... (montage of Rorschach breaking characters' hands)

Rorschach: (after breaking one of Moloch's fingers) Lie again, Moloch, I break another finger.

...as he shines alongside a cast that does their comic book counterparts justice, despite some on-the-nose dialogue...

Kovacs' Mother: I should've had that abortion!

...bad old person makeup...

Sally Jupiter: I'm 67 years old.

...and the presence of Malin Åkerman.

Jupiter: (to Doctor Manhattan) You want me to see things your way? Go ahead, show me. Do that thing you do.

We don't normally like to call out actors, and she seems like a really nice person and all, but this is just... euugh.

Jupiter: (to Rorschach) I have a real name I've been using a couple of years now. Try it.

She makes Matthew Goode look... okay.

Prepare for a two-hour-and-40-minute movie that's closer to two without all the slow-mo (shows Dreiberg and Jupiter crossing a street in slow-motion), full of everything Zack Snyder carried over into his next two DC movies, like... rain (shows two characters standing in the rain in both this film and Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice), sex (shows Jupiter having sex with Doctor Manhattan in this film and Clark Kent kissing Lois Lane in a bathtub in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice), Jesus allegories (shows a Bible next to Osterman's watch in this film and Superman stretching out his arms to absorb sunlight in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice), graphic violence (shows Doctor Manhattan vaporizing a pimp in this film and Batman knocking a thug against a wall hard enough to kill him on impact in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice), apocalyptic dream sequences (shows Nite Owl II kissing Silk Spectre II as an atomic bomb goes off in this film and Batman's "Knightmare" in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice), and justifying the destruction of a major metropolis. (shows one of Doctor Manhattan's energy reactors destroying New York City in this film and a World Engine terraforming Metropolis in Man of Steel)

Nite Owl II: Killing millions.

Ozymandias: To save billions.

(shows Doctor Manhattan's energy reactor decimating Times Square)

But if that's not Snyder-y enough, check out a director's cut that adds... more graphic violence (shows Kovacs shooting a woman's fingers off), more sex (shows the cover of a Hustler magazine), and more Jesus allegories. (shows some servicemen looking up at Doctor Manhattan with his arms outstretched)

Boy: --is that Jesus?

But if even that's not Snyder-y enough, spring for the Ultimate Edition, where two characters who don't like each other come to the shocking realization... that they have the same name.

Bernard: You know, all this time you've been coming here, I... I never caught your name.

Bernie: Bernard.

Bernard: That's my name too. (chuckles)

Ugh... So that's where he got it from.

Batman (Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice): WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?!

So get ready for one of the most self-serious films ever made, that keeps shoehorning in a happy face (shows a collection of times a smiley face appears in the film), and features some of the most depressing, humorless characters in film arguing over what is and isn't a joke.

Comedian: That's the real joke.

Ozymandias: I can never tell when you're joking.

Comedian: It's a joke.

Rorschach: (narrating) I heard joke once.

Silk Spectre II: My life is just... one big joke.

Ozymandias: --the greatest practical joke... in human history.

Dreiberg: That's the real practical joke.

Rorschach: (narrating) Good joke. Everybody laugh.

Ha...?

Starring: Harvey Birdman (Patrick Wilson as Daniel Dreiberg/Nite Owl II); Homeless Man Man (Jackie Earle Haley as Walter Kovacs/Rorschach); Silk Spectruh (Malin Åkerman as Laurie Jupiter/Silk Spectre II); The Killing Joke (Jeffrey Dean Morgan as Edward Blake/The Comedian); Max Headwound (Matt Frewer as Edgar Jacobi/Moloch); Zack Snyder Making Zack Snyder References (montage of times the number "300" appears in the film); Foreshadowing (shows the cover to Batman #1, a Time magazine with the headline "Supermen Unite for Peace", and a The New York Times newspaper with the headline "Doomsday Clock at 5 to Midnight"); Elon Musk (Matthew Goode as Adrian Veidt/Ozymandias); and Don't You Know? I'm Electro (Billy Crudup as John Osterman/Doctor Manhattan).

Dr. Manhattan or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Dong

for Watchmen - Dr. Manhattan or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Dong. Title design by .

Honest title for Watchmen - Dr. Manhattan or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Dong. Title design by Robert Holtby.

I'll bet Doctor Manhattan would've won Vietnam even sooner if he'd taken that thong off; talk about intimidation. (chuckles) Baaaaalls.

Viewer's Comments[]

Say "I have no father, I was brought to life by Zeus". - Spencer Bowler

Say, "Your scratchy squirrel voice has nothing on my sexy buttery cow voice." - Reagan Oliveira

Please say, "WACKY WAVING INFLATABLE ARM FLAILING TUBE MAN." - pirouette cat

Say "Monster monster trucks. Featuring Bigfoot and Smogzilla. Sunday sunday sunday. Be there!" - A ctionMS

Say "None of you seem to understand. I'm not locked in here with you. You're locked with me!" - DatsaToilet

Please say, Rorschac's journal: October 12th, 1895. Tonight, a comedian died in New York. - Dakoda Gordon

Trivia[]

Reception []

Honest Trailers - Watchmen has an 95.7% approval rating from YouTube viewers.  Cnet wrote that the Honest Trailer was "brutal" and offered "cutting commentary" regarding Snyder's repeated use of the same cinematic tropes like "rain, Jesus allegories, sex, graphic violence, destruction of a major city and apocalyptic dream sequences." SlashFilm also appreciated the comparison to BvS, and also said "Screen Junkies' best observation is that the notorious “Martha” twist in Batman v Superman was preceded by a surprisingly similar plot point in the Watchmen Director’s Cut."

Uproxx said most of the Honest Trailer's criticisms "are totally fair" but disliked the video's specific complaints against Malin Ackerman. In addition, Uproxx wrote that they "didn’t have as much of a problem with the blue doctor dong as this honest trailer clearly has." CinemaBlend also disliked the critique of Ackerman's performance, writing "if we're being entirely fair, we're not disagreeing - we just feel bad." On a different point, CinemaBlend agreed with Screen Junkies that Watchmen is overstuffed with plot, but also suggested its faithfulness to the source material is impressive in its own way.

Screen Rant found the Honest Trailer especially relevant in the wake of the contentious reaction to Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. The site noted that the Honest Trailer was "a reminder that the perceived problems with both Dawn of Justice and Man of Steel were present in his earlier works as well." In the same article, Screen Rant remarked that the Honest Trailer "does draw some interesting parallels which, perhaps, provide some background on the choices made for the DCEU thus far."

Screen Rant also discussed the broader significance of the Honest Trailers series in the "grimdark" era of superhero movies, stating, "If nothing else, it’s a good reminder that sometimes comic book movies need to remember to be fun first and foremost. If we can’t get that from the movies themselves, at least Screen Junkies is there to find it for us. They are, truly, the heroes we both deserve and need right now."

Production credits[]

Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Watchmen

Video thumbnail for Honest Trailers - Watchmen

Voiceover Narration by Jon Bailey

Title design by Robert Holtby

Series Created by Andy Signore & Brett Weiner

Episode Written by Spencer Gilbert, Dan Murrell, Joe Starr, Andy Signore, Jason Mathews & Jonathan Miceli

Edited by TJ Nordaker

External links []

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